Page 2 | Got a feeling he’s going to end things…am I being crazy?

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/12/2023 01:14

Some posters are being deliberately harsh and obtuse OP. Your usual pattern of communication has changed and you’re understandably wondering what it means. Personally I don’t think it looks good I’m afraid. It’s pretty shabby of him.

Lollypopland · 26/12/2023 01:15

@Burntouted really unhelpful 🤔it’s not cyberstalking she’s checking why her PARTNER of 8 months hasn’t replied to her?
and if the genders were the other way around I’m sure they would have the exact same replies

Lollypopland · 26/12/2023 01:15

Hope you’re okay OP. That’s really unkind and especially at Christmas. You’re better off without this waste of space in your life.

Bluela18 · 26/12/2023 01:29

Personally I think it's rude and quite shitty of him to not even say merry Christmas to you, especially if you have been messaging daily for 8 months. Yes try not checking to see if he's replied or when he was last on it will drive you mad. Try occupy your thoughts and time with something else, only time will tell with this one. If I'd been talking to a guy for 8 months daily and he never said merry Christmas I'd respect maybe he wasn't as into me as I thought and take a step back from him . If he is messaging someone else will fuck him !!

cattygorically · 26/12/2023 01:32

Sorry, OP, this is horrible of him. I don't think you're being weird- I think you're instinct is almost certainly bang on, that does sound really shitty of him though and I hope despite this you've managed to have a nice Christmas regardless.

I've been with someone for slightly less than 8 months and absolutely would've found this abnormal and would've done exactly what you've done so don't beat yourself up for cyberstalking/messaging, I think that's normal

Don't message again, but also lower your expectations. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, especially over Christmas. Hugs to you.

SOxon · 26/12/2023 01:49

Burntouted · 26/12/2023 01:06

You don't know what most people do.

It would be nice, but he currently isn't doing this.

You wrote:

"I last saw him on the 23rd in person and he hasn’t replied since then but has been on WhatsApp loads. I’ve sent him Merry Christmas today and had zero reply but he’s been on instagram posting his Christmas and has been on WhatsApp a lot. (I stupidly keep checking if he’s replied and it’s always he was online 20 mins ago for example)"

Constantly monitoring his online presence, and posts is cyber stalking...even though you feel it's not.

Checking once to see if he is still amongst the living was okay. ..because of concern. . In the last two days you admittedly revealed that you know that he has used the app a lot, "loads" has been online a lot, has posted, that you check often and every time you look his active status always states that he was online 20 minutes ago.

That is obsessive behavior and cyberstalking.

A lot of posters have started threads about some men doing these things such as the online stalking, and those men are bashed, insulted, and called creepy..tell some women they need to report this to the law and get orders of protection, etc...

....but when some women do this, a lot of people don't hold her accountable nor in the same regards.. they tell her it's perfectly acceptable..that she's not doing anything wrong..

Well...it's unacceptable for anyone to exhibit this type of behaviors and cyberstalk.

If you don't like what you feel like he's doing..and what's happening..

Disengage, block, and work towards moving on.

are you the boyfriend ?

RantyAnty · 26/12/2023 02:13

He's rude. It takes all of 2 seconds to reply.

Let me guess, you got him a nice gift and he got you nothing.

TwoCoffeesPlease · 26/12/2023 03:15

People are being so harsh to the OP!

Obviously it’s not rational to check whether he is online on WhatsApp so often but it’s also not some totally unhinged behaviour like people are insinuating. I would suggest it’s a pretty normal response to feeling out of control of a situation that you care about, as the OP is feeling.

I agree with the posted who suggested calling him tomorrow. He is behaving unacceptably.

Angelina1972 · 26/12/2023 03:25

Oh gosh OP I’d be really anxious and scared about this. If he has ghosted you then the hardest thing will be that the relationship ends without anything being properly resolved.

if he does message you soon with no issues then it shows he may be rather fickle when he is distracted by friends and family.

I think I’d leave it until maybe the 28th December and if he hasn’t contacted you and apologised profusely I’d leave him to it.

I’d make a concerted and determined effort not to try to contact him or look on his social media, for your own mental health. Just leave it hanging until you feel ready to unfollow or remove him.

if he isn’t interested and it has ended, get angry and make a concerted effort to invest your time in other friendships, self care and things that you enjoy.

he does not sound satisfactory at all. I would expect a Christmas message after 8 months at the very least. It seems like he’s been really full on with you initially and this cannot be sustained long term, however you’ve got used to expecting multiple communications.

what a horrid time of year to be going through this, I do hope you can resolve this situation.

Muchof · 26/12/2023 03:29

I would be very concerned about this, I would completely expect to hear something from a boyfriend of eight months on Christmas Day. And it is also odd that you haven’t heard from him since the 23rd onside ring your usual pattern. It doesn’t sound good to be honest.

jillgreen · 26/12/2023 03:35

OP you're not a psycho, he's a shit. If he replies today and it doesn't contain a bloody good excuse and an apology then I think you need to tell him you deserve better and move on. Either he's ghosted you or he's testing your boundaries to see what he can get away with (my ex would do this to me and it became abusive).

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 26/12/2023 04:09

Oh dear, your feelings are completely normal on this. Expecting acknowledgment on Christmas Day is a basic in a relationship. From what you’ve written, looking at the timeline I suspect that one of his family/friends had a negative opinion on your relationship and he is fading you out. Sorry but some people are just shit.

Goingtothinkofone · 26/12/2023 04:28

Burntouted · 25/12/2023 22:46

Bad advice.

Op you don't know what's happening in his life, and you aren't entitled to a response, especially a response within the time that you want.

It doesn't matter if you see them posting online and being frequently online.

It doesn't matter that you communicate often. Or anything. You know that he is still physically alive. He doesn't have to talk to you today or any other time if he doesn't want to.

You see he's busy, and you see that he has chosen not to respond.

People need personal space, op is suffocating him.

Also, op doesn't have to be top priority. To insinuate that op should be the first to hear from him above all others, and put before other things, is wild.

Op isn't getting an explanation or response.(op isn't entitled to one)..nor hearing from him in the manner they would like to..

It bothers op. Therefore op should just move on.

Op needs to leave him alone.

Bombarding him with messages and cyberstalking him isn't going to help things.

In the politest possible way this post sounds like you have never used social media.

if you send someone a message on whatsapp, you see when they were last online. So say, a person opens whatsapp to say ‘merry christmas’ to their boyfriend, they will see when that boyfriend was last online. If they open whatsapp to respond to christmas wishes from their gran, they will also see when the boyfriend was last online.

instagram appears as a feed. It’s not like bloody myspace where you have to look at someone’s page, it loads in front of you. If the OP opens insta, and her boyfriend has posted, it will be on her feed in front of her face.

This is not the same as cyber stalking and to imply it is diminishes the very frightening experiences of people who experience real stalking.

Goingtothinkofone · 26/12/2023 04:31

@ColdAsIcepoles sorry this has happened. There is nothing you can do. I’d lay low for a bit, no more messages, try and have fun with your mates. If you haven’t heard from him by new years call things off yourself.

i get other people’s view that a few days of no contact after 8 months is ok but it’s christmas. I’d assume a merry christmas text would be manageable for my partner in the course of a day.

Your instincts are probably right and he’s found someone else. I’m sorry and you deserve better xxx

Midnightgrey · 26/12/2023 04:55

When a man retreats you should retreat further eg don't contact him first. In desperate situations, I have known people to leave the country when a chap was getting cold feet which was admittedly a bold move although they've now been married over 30 years or so. Don't be too available and be seen languishing at home, even if you are just devoting the evening to leg hair removal. The idea that totally open honest conversation will enliven your relationship is nice in theory but fails in practice. Or of course you could find a man who is keen and available and wanting to get you berringed and off the market asap so you don't have to play silly games.

daisychain01 · 26/12/2023 05:16

He's treated you shabbily, @ColdAsIcepoles no matter what unhinged advice you get from people like @Burntouted who clearly has their bar set so low, it's scrapping on the ground.

You went to a panto with him only 2 days ago and yet he's ignoring you since. Rude!

I wouldn't be scared he'll dump you I'd be relieved. He's shown you who he is. If you've noticed him being tight fisted, he probably didn't want to buy you a Christmas present so has suddenly gone AWOL. Expect him to crawl back in the new year with some lame excuse as to why he did a disappearing act.

he's done you a favour, please don't ignore the red flag if he does try smarming his way back in, he's despicable.

nameychangio675 · 26/12/2023 05:22

What a prick. That’s not ok behaviour, at all.

BethDuttonsTwin · 26/12/2023 05:33

Burntouted · 26/12/2023 01:06

You don't know what most people do.

It would be nice, but he currently isn't doing this.

You wrote:

"I last saw him on the 23rd in person and he hasn’t replied since then but has been on WhatsApp loads. I’ve sent him Merry Christmas today and had zero reply but he’s been on instagram posting his Christmas and has been on WhatsApp a lot. (I stupidly keep checking if he’s replied and it’s always he was online 20 mins ago for example)"

Constantly monitoring his online presence, and posts is cyber stalking...even though you feel it's not.

Checking once to see if he is still amongst the living was okay. ..because of concern. . In the last two days you admittedly revealed that you know that he has used the app a lot, "loads" has been online a lot, has posted, that you check often and every time you look his active status always states that he was online 20 minutes ago.

That is obsessive behavior and cyberstalking.

A lot of posters have started threads about some men doing these things such as the online stalking, and those men are bashed, insulted, and called creepy..tell some women they need to report this to the law and get orders of protection, etc...

....but when some women do this, a lot of people don't hold her accountable nor in the same regards.. they tell her it's perfectly acceptable..that she's not doing anything wrong..

Well...it's unacceptable for anyone to exhibit this type of behaviors and cyberstalk.

If you don't like what you feel like he's doing..and what's happening..

Disengage, block, and work towards moving on.

The actual meat of the advice here is decent - ignore and disengage. However to call you a “cyber stalker” and talk about you needing to be “held accountable” is utter nonsense.

You are trying to process bad treatment. You’re confused as to why a man you have a relationship with has dropped all communication with you. It’s fine to try to understand that as you have been. Now though you need to move on. If you’re not ready to block entirely (I would though) then mute him everywhere so you’re not waiting for your phone to buzz. Sorry it’s happened, horrible at any time but somehow feels worse at Christmas.

BethDuttonsTwin · 26/12/2023 05:35

Midnightgrey · 26/12/2023 04:55

When a man retreats you should retreat further eg don't contact him first. In desperate situations, I have known people to leave the country when a chap was getting cold feet which was admittedly a bold move although they've now been married over 30 years or so. Don't be too available and be seen languishing at home, even if you are just devoting the evening to leg hair removal. The idea that totally open honest conversation will enliven your relationship is nice in theory but fails in practice. Or of course you could find a man who is keen and available and wanting to get you berringed and off the market asap so you don't have to play silly games.

Whether we want to admit it or not, this is actually great advice 😁

Walkacrossthesand · 26/12/2023 09:31

I would reframe your thread title. Going silent on you 2 days before Christmas, while clearly being otherwise active on social media, is not 'might be going to dump you'. It's a warning to you, to look after, and protect, yourself. This isn't the relationship you thought it was.

Stunned and hurt as you are, what happens next is down to you.
I would, in among the shock and uncertainty, think through the possibilities.
Even if your suspicion (early morning whatsapping etc) that he's 'chatting' with someone else, is correct, he may well pop up in a few days/weeks with excuses/lies, expecting to pick things up with you again.
I would second the suggestion above - to leave it a few days, then send a message saying the relationship is over and you never want to hear from him again; block and delete.
If he pops back up before that, you have a difficult decision to make! Personally, I couldn't like/trust a man who would do that , so it would be me doing the dumping.
So sorry this has happened 😞

category12 · 26/12/2023 09:34

Yeah, I think that going silent over Christmas is a dumping offence.

disappearingfish · 26/12/2023 09:36

You've been seeing someone for 8 months and you have spoken on Christmas Day? Yes, that's off.

samestyle · 26/12/2023 09:41

If he's got time to post on SM then he should have time to message his gf! Who is supposed to be an important part of his life enough to acknowledge on Christmas Day, that really rubbish, he's ghosted you and you know when after 8 months that his behaviour has changed.

Sandia1 · 26/12/2023 09:44

If his form of communication is much less frequent than usual, there is a problem. If he is posting stuff on Instagram etc then he is not short of free time to send you something. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he's not that into you. Leave it and see if he instigates meeting up. You don't need to ask him anything by message. He sounds like a coward, unfortunately. You are an age where people do often decide 'Will I marry this person?' and perhaps he's decided that perhaps you're not compatible (in his opinion) and he has a right to feel that, but he needs to be considerate of your feelings if so x

OwlWeiwei · 26/12/2023 09:48

There are some ridiculous replies on here. It is entirely reasonable and emotionally mature to assume a boyfriend of 8 months, who has recently met your family and you his, would chat over Christmas, thank you for presents and find out how your holiday is going.

It is not cyber stalky at all to be perplexed and hurt and chase him for a message a few times.

But, his silence proves he is being a total jerk. So back off for now. Not because you're a stalker, but because he's being cruel and rude and you deserve to be treated with respect.

I'd be deeply hurt by this. And deeply shaken at having trusted and got close to someone who could behave this way. Not your fault, no reflection on you. Jerks will jerk. Take a bit of time to feel sorry for yourself and then focus on having a great, strong new year. Don't accept any limp, half hearted rekindling of things from him.