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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Bib1234 · 31/12/2023 10:33

If you still acknowledge it then what is the issue with your MIL sending a card etc and acknowledging it too? Sounds like you just want to be difficult with her tbh

Bonbon249 · 31/12/2023 10:33

I think that's not a bad idea - small token on the actual day but a bigger thing some months later. Saves a lifetime of 'That's your Xmas and birthday combined' and never being able to have a party on the day anyway as everyone is toi busy with other stuff.

BingoMarieHeeler · 31/12/2023 10:34

Surely you celebrate actual birthday AND half birthday?? Otherwise just super odd indeed. Are you going to extend this even to school so she’ll be the youngest in the year?? No, because her birthday is in December.

Beautiful3 · 31/12/2023 10:34

I'm sorry but that's weird. Celebrate it on the actual birthday! My kids friend's birthday is late December. They celebrate on that day with food and presents with family. They then have the class party the following summer, so that everyone from school can make it. The party is delayed by 6 months, because the child is in school and they want their school friends to come. I was very confused as we'd already bought a present in December then another one in June! I would have gone to a party on 27th December. Us parents thought it a bit weird. Normally if your birthday is close to an event e.g easter/new years/Christmas then you celebrate it the week before or after.

zingally · 31/12/2023 10:34

I can understand wanting to have a party etc in the summer months. But frankly, her birthday is when it is. If you so desperately didn't want a December/winter months baby, the way to prevent that passed 3 years and 9 months ago...

Your MIL wanting to give birthday greetings to her grandchild ON her birthday, isn't weird. You're the one making it weird.

MondayBags678 · 31/12/2023 10:35

That’s odd that you don’t acknowledge thier real birth date it doesn’t mean you can’t have a party mid year as you wish but I think you are being unreasonable in saying that no one can wish them an actual happy birthday on the date they were born
the people I know that do half birthdays for thier actual Xmas day children do a birthday party with school friends in June but do actually acknowledge their birthday on Xmas day and accept family birthday presents and cards etc so I don’t think you’re mil is wrong to do that. I feel it is confusing of you tbh.

Changedforthetoday · 31/12/2023 10:35

Normandy144 · 20/12/2023 23:54

Those that I know with birthdays on Xmas eve,day or boxing Day do indeed have a party in the summer however they absolutely also celebrate their actual birthday too and so gifts and cards are sent as normal by family and close friends.The party is purely for school friends really and to allow the child to experience a proper birthday party because the reality is that they'll never be in school on their birthday. I would just let you Mil send gifts and card as normal and not over think it.

Absolutely this. I know a number of Christmas Day babies and this is exactly what they did. Close family and friends still recognised the actual birthday but the birthday party with school friends happened 6 months later (until year 6). Once they moved to secondary in all cases it stopped.

Pineapples198 · 31/12/2023 10:37

For me it depends on what you mean by celebrating 6 months later. This would be fine with me if the party was held in the summer but the main present and birthday cake etc was done on her actual birthday. If you don’t celebrate her actual birthday at all not even to let her grandma buy her a present that is really weird. At what point will your child celebrate their birthday on their birthday? Will they not know when their actual birthday is? Plenty of people have their birthdays around Christmas my sons included, everyone always comes to his parties and he isn’t emotionally scarred by having the two close together

Dillane · 31/12/2023 10:37

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

This

ClaireEclair · 31/12/2023 10:38

You acknowledge her birthday but you don’t want her grandmother to acknowledge it? Sorry, but I’m with your MIL. If you want her to have a party with her friends in the summer then fine but what’s the big deal with also letting family celebrate her actual birthday?

Noglitterallowed · 31/12/2023 10:38

MIL buys my daughter a gift on her birthday and not the random day I fancy her birthday being instead!! Wow the audacity of the woman. Imagine!!! 🙄

lastchristmas80 · 31/12/2023 10:39

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

Boxing day baby dialling in! My mum threw me two parties, a family one on boxing day (with presents from family opened that day) and another on the Queens birthday, celebrated with my friends (presents from them only).

Firstmincepie · 31/12/2023 10:39

My DS was born on 25 December and we did half birthdays with him right up until he left school.
I wanted him to have a special day, just for him. He had a birthday party with friends, presents etc. it worked brilliantly and he loved it! His friends and parents thought it a lovely idea.
Always celebrated his birthday on 25th with a separate present and birthday cake later in the day.
All you horrible lot saying wtf, are you mad etc etc 🙄 Whatever! There was never any fucked up confusion as someone so delightfully put it. Each to their own!! He even had 3 and a half candles (and so on …) on his cake. Just to annoy you all a bit more 😂
Im just glad none of you were invited ffs!!

moonlitnoir · 31/12/2023 10:42

Isn't this all about how you approach it? you are basically teaching your child that the date of their birthday is problematic so you are moving it 6 months away! What kind of awful message is that? Bollocks to that. I wouldn't want to celebrate my birthday on a date that was 6 months away from when it actually is. You can still make it incredibly special so it's ridiculous to imply otherwise. If you act like the date is a problem then your child will assume that stance too. Fair enough if you want to have a party a week after Christmas or whatever but removing it 6 months away is silly. Other people will genuinely have birthdays in that month so your child will feel very silly celebrating at the same time as them when their actual birthday is months away. I would feel really self conscious if that was me

StillWantingADog · 31/12/2023 10:43

I think the “summer party” thing is just fine but to be annoyed that family members want to acknowledge the real birthday is just odd celebrate the birthday, and have a party for friends in the summer.

CJsGoldfish · 31/12/2023 10:44

'Half Birthday'? 😂😂😂
Yeah, it's not a thing. So the idea that you are annoyed at your MIL for celebrating your child on their actual birthday is just bizarre.
As someone with a birthday very close to Christmas with a child who has the same, it is possible to celebrate and make birthdays special without having to resort to a 'fake' one. Seems a bit grabby to me 🤷‍♀️

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:45

@Ekbygum There did used to be a child in my younger daughter's class who had a birthday on the 23rd of December. What used to happen was - she'd get a few cards from very close relatives and a couple of little gifts, but then she would have a party and celebrate properly between the 4th and the 9th of January. So it's literally only a couple of weeks after the birthday... That's something else you could think about. Celebrating a birthday in June is just a bit ridiculous when it's in December.

SheGotACamouflagedFace · 31/12/2023 10:45

One of my children is born on a very similar date and we do mark their birthday by celebrating a special day with them on their Saints name day (it’s about a month earlier and picked for no other reason than it works for us and has a tie to them they understand). We didn’t do it when they were little but now they are older it had become more of a ‘thing’.

But we always celebrate their birthday on their actual birthday and that’s when everyone else marks it. My mum would think I was bonkers if I told her off for marking it. The early birthday just lets us have a proper birthday cake and a family ‘birthday tea’ -maybe with a friend, because no one wants to eat huge cake etc so close to Christmas/ or is available to come.

Barney60 · 31/12/2023 10:46

Sorry another here with your mother in law, its nuts a half year birthday!

Mumtofourandnomore · 31/12/2023 10:47

I haven’t RTFT but my sister was born on Xmas day and we always celebrated her half birthday in June instead. That’s when she had all her presents and her party etc. I think it was a pretty sensible idea and it didn’t cause any confusion growing up. Everybody knew her real birthday was Christmas Day but her celebrations were in the summer.

WonderingWanda · 31/12/2023 10:47

Just say thank you for the gifts and move on.

DirectionToPerfection · 31/12/2023 10:48

Firstmincepie · 31/12/2023 10:39

My DS was born on 25 December and we did half birthdays with him right up until he left school.
I wanted him to have a special day, just for him. He had a birthday party with friends, presents etc. it worked brilliantly and he loved it! His friends and parents thought it a lovely idea.
Always celebrated his birthday on 25th with a separate present and birthday cake later in the day.
All you horrible lot saying wtf, are you mad etc etc 🙄 Whatever! There was never any fucked up confusion as someone so delightfully put it. Each to their own!! He even had 3 and a half candles (and so on …) on his cake. Just to annoy you all a bit more 😂
Im just glad none of you were invited ffs!!

Jesus don't be so touchy. There's nothing wrong with having a party in the summer.

What people are objecting to is the OP's attitude towards her MIL sending cards/gifts on her grandchild's actual birthday. That is weird and completely unfair.

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 10:49

Firstmincepie · 31/12/2023 10:39

My DS was born on 25 December and we did half birthdays with him right up until he left school.
I wanted him to have a special day, just for him. He had a birthday party with friends, presents etc. it worked brilliantly and he loved it! His friends and parents thought it a lovely idea.
Always celebrated his birthday on 25th with a separate present and birthday cake later in the day.
All you horrible lot saying wtf, are you mad etc etc 🙄 Whatever! There was never any fucked up confusion as someone so delightfully put it. Each to their own!! He even had 3 and a half candles (and so on …) on his cake. Just to annoy you all a bit more 😂
Im just glad none of you were invited ffs!!

But you celebrate your son's birthday on his actual birthday. The OP doesn't

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day

Having a party later on in the year is fine if the actual birthday is also marked by family. Not doing anything and making the child wait 6 months before having any kind of birthday celebration whether it's presents or a party, is unkind.

AnnieMare · 31/12/2023 10:49

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

But your MIL,( child’s grandparent), isn't allowed to?

Maybe that is why she is confused….when you say ‘we acknowledge it’ - who do you mean?

VinterBjorn · 31/12/2023 10:52

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

So i don't understand why your MIL can't send and celebrate the birthday on the birthday?

My nephew has his birthday on the 27th, we all get him a birthday present & card and send our happy birthdays on that day. My sister will usually do a party near the beginning of term when all his friends can make it.

My son has his birthday on the 25th June and my daughter is in August and summer birthdays are just as tricky as people go away for holidays but I don't move it just because of that.

This is weird in all honesty.

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