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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
mewkins · 31/12/2023 10:53

I want to know when you started celebrating? Was it at 6 months old or 18 months? This is crazy. Loads of us have duff winter birthdays but we still celebrate them on our actual birthdays!

stepintochristmas1 · 31/12/2023 10:55

This is bonkers and so immature 1/2 birthdays indeed 🤣.

SpacesAreOverrated · 31/12/2023 10:55

I think there is nothing wrong with half birthdays. Both of mine are born in summer and from a celebration point of view I love it (not so much from a school point of view. Thwt sucks).

However, it would be pretty shitty to not acknowledge a child's actual birthday. I'm also not sure what you are trying to do. Do you want to erase the actual birthday and just do everything on the half birthday (which would be very unreasonable) or do you want to just have the party on the half birthday? Either way your mil is right to wish your child and send a card or present on their actual birthday. I guess she can always wish again on the half birthday.

Your other problems with mil might be valid but this isn't the hill to die on. Do acknowledge your child's actual birthday though please whenever you celebrate it.

LondonLass91 · 31/12/2023 10:55

Firstmincepie · 31/12/2023 10:39

My DS was born on 25 December and we did half birthdays with him right up until he left school.
I wanted him to have a special day, just for him. He had a birthday party with friends, presents etc. it worked brilliantly and he loved it! His friends and parents thought it a lovely idea.
Always celebrated his birthday on 25th with a separate present and birthday cake later in the day.
All you horrible lot saying wtf, are you mad etc etc 🙄 Whatever! There was never any fucked up confusion as someone so delightfully put it. Each to their own!! He even had 3 and a half candles (and so on …) on his cake. Just to annoy you all a bit more 😂
Im just glad none of you were invited ffs!!

But you wouldn't have been upset if your mother in law had sent presents and a card on your child's actual birthday.

Neighbours87 · 31/12/2023 10:57

im a Christmas baby too and have always been happy with my birthday. I think you’ve over complicated things OP

VimtoVimto · 31/12/2023 10:58

My husband’s birthday is close to Christmas and he felt a bit hard done to as a child as his birthday wasn’t acknowledged as much as his siblings by wider family. Often aunts and uncles would only get him one present. When we got married we did discuss him having another birthday in the summer but the logistics were too complicated. The bit that I struggled with was trying to go for a meal where we weren’t surrounded by office Christmas parties.

CuriouslyMinded · 31/12/2023 10:59

My little girl is a January babe and we celebrate her birthday, but also let her have a 'summer party' in June - no presents as such, but she invites her friends and there are games and I get a cake which we put sparklers or some such on for the kids and although it isn't a birthday party, Alice still gets to be the host and feel special etc. maybe rather than calling it a half-birthday you could compromise with just a summer party if it is causing problems? (Although I have to say, I don't get why your MIL can't just roll with it, especially if you do acknowledge your DDs actual birthday too!)

diamondpony80 · 31/12/2023 11:03

There's no such thing as a "half birthday" so I couldn't get worked up about her wishing your child happy birthday and sending a gift on the child's actual birthday. You only get one birthday and if it's on Dec 26th celebrate it on Dec 26th. It's not complicated.

LucyMay33 · 31/12/2023 11:05

I don’t see the problem with her wanting to acknowledge her birthday on the day itself and wish her happy birthday? I know a girl from school who was born on 25th Dec. Had birthday party in summer with friends but close family still wish happy birthday and gave a gift on her actual birthday. It is not anyones fault your child was born on 26th so why can’t a grandparent acknowledge this without thinking she’s out to get you? How awful for your child to grow up and find out her parents stopped her other family from wishing her a happy birthday and giving a card/present on the actual day.

jc12689 · 31/12/2023 11:07

Your birthday is your birthday, make the most of when it is. Half birthdays are so twee. It's going to get even weirder as they grow older.

HottestEverRecordedTemperature · 31/12/2023 11:09

My birthday is tomorrow. You get used to people forgetting it and what is worse as a child- people slinging you half a pair of socks and chirruping 'It's for christmas and birthday combined!!!!'

But it is still your birthday. Half birthdays are too weird to expect other people to wrap their heads around.

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 31/12/2023 11:12

DrMadelineMaxwell · 20/12/2023 23:43

You can choose to celebrate a birthday with parties for friends and even family on a more convenient date for others. But to completely deny their actual birthday is crazy! I'd give gifts and cards on their actual birthday, but have a month later for something to look forward to.

THIS ^^

@Ekbygum I think it is quite usual for a child's birthday to be celebrated with a party etc at any other time of the year if their actual birthday is in the Christmas week.

But I have never heard of close family actually ignoring someones birthday on their actual birthday, and to particularly do that to a child seems rather cruel, or at least unfair.

I'm sorry to say (I'm not really sorry as I think that MiL's are nearly all tarred - often unfairly - with the same brush here) that I have to agree with your MiL and your DH on this occassion. Anyone living in the same house as the birthday "child", and also their Grandparents, and their Aunt's and Uncles, should all be encouraged to give the birthday child a card on their actual birthday, and if they give presents - until the child is old enough to decide for themselves - they could give either a token present on the child's actual birthday, then a bigger one on the chosen celebration day, or vice versa.

IMO OP you are the one being very unreasonable here, as I think that your MiL's only motivation (at least on this recurring occassion) is that she loves her very dear Grandchild so much, and probably believes as I do, that it would be extremely strange to give her Grandchild a Happy Birthday card some months after the actual birthday.

"Happy 8th Birthday Dear Grandchild! I will never forget the day you were born 8 years and 5 months ago. I was so excited when your Dear Daddy rang me up 8 years and 5 months ago to tell me that I had a wonderful new Grandchild, and sent me a few photos of you on the day you came into this world - immediately making it a better place - weighing 7lbs and 5oz, 8 years and 5 months ago!

But he also told me that your dear Mummy said that we would not be allowed in the future to celebrate, or even mention, the incredible day you were born! I must admit my darling that I find that incredibly hard to stick to, I just can't bring myself to give you a birthday card 5 months after your actual birthday, and I also want to acknowledge your birthday by giving you a present, even if only a small one now, and a bigger one on your Celebration Day."

I don't think I need to explain myself any further do I OP?

Fullofxmascbeer · 31/12/2023 11:12

I’d do a proper birthday with just a small gift from me, then arrange a party for school friends for the half birthday. A gift from you too. Family can choose when to gift their cards and presents.

Workway · 31/12/2023 11:12

I do think it's a big daft to be honest. No one in her adult life is going to play along and she's likely to be made fun of the moment she gets to senior school.

I have a birthday close to Christmas. Birthday is treated like a normal birthday with family. My birthday party was always shifted to the most available weekend around Christmas.

Why are some people hung up on summer parties? My birthday parties as a kid we're in a rented hall. We had games (pass parcel/musical chairs) various entertainers, party food etc why does a party need to be in summer? I had great birthday parties as a kid.

One of my DC has a birthday that falls right in prime summer holiday meaning they're destined to a lifetime of no one being around to attend a birthday party. I haven't swapped their birthday for 6months later, I just pull their birthday party with friends to the weekend before school finishes for the year - about 2.5 weeks before their actual birthday.

On the day of their birthday we do a family thing.

So yes your DC is 26th December but you have any weekend from mid-December to mid-January to do a birthday party and then as a family you do a birthday cake and a birthday present on boxing day. Surely that has to make more sense than doing a pretend birthday in June? It's up to you, do your party when you want but I don't think this is a sign of a MIL undermining you - it's the opposite - it sounds like your undermining and controlling her by getting your knickers in a knot about her sending a present/card on their actual birthday.

Rollonsummer24 · 31/12/2023 11:12

I got bored reading all the negative comments in the first part so haven’t read the full thread.
I think it’s a great idea! I have family and friends born the week before and after Christmas. Their birthdays are often forgotten/people are busy to make time to celebrate.
This is your child, you do what you think is best.

Scottsy200 · 31/12/2023 11:16

You sound bonkers

DirectionToPerfection · 31/12/2023 11:16

Rollonsummer24 · 31/12/2023 11:12

I got bored reading all the negative comments in the first part so haven’t read the full thread.
I think it’s a great idea! I have family and friends born the week before and after Christmas. Their birthdays are often forgotten/people are busy to make time to celebrate.
This is your child, you do what you think is best.

You clearly didn't read the OP properly either.

Do you think it's fair to berate the MIL for acknowledging her grandchild's birthday?

stepintochristmas1 · 31/12/2023 11:19

I do think the child will get mocked when they start school though , as they are being brought up to think this is normal , it's not .

wronginalltherightways · 31/12/2023 11:23

Probably be simpler if you let family celebrate your DC's birthday if they want to, then you throw a party for DC and his friends on his half birthday. Win win

x2boys · 31/12/2023 11:24

Rollonsummer24 · 31/12/2023 11:12

I got bored reading all the negative comments in the first part so haven’t read the full thread.
I think it’s a great idea! I have family and friends born the week before and after Christmas. Their birthdays are often forgotten/people are busy to make time to celebrate.
This is your child, you do what you think is best.

People won't keep.to.it though and as the child gets older they will.want to celebrate on their actual birthday
I say this as the mother of son who turned 17 on Boxing day.

ToWhitToWhoo · 31/12/2023 11:28

Nothing wrong with half birthdays: a bit unusual, but people have the right to celebrate, or not celebrate, whatever they want.

The late Queen had an 'official' birthday as well as her actual one!

But this as such seems to be a comparatively trivial issue, especially as MIL does send her grandchild a present. The real problem seems to be her generally negative attitude to you.

ShippingNews · 31/12/2023 11:29

Crazy. My son's birthday is 19th December and yes he had his childhood birthday parties earlier in the year , but we still had his actual birthday on his, er, birthday . Anything else would be ridiculous.

Madcats · 31/12/2023 11:31

Teen DD went to school with a lad born on Christmas Eve and his parents used to give him "half-birthday" parties when he was little. It sticks in my mind because DD has a late June birthday. I'm sure he had treats/presents on Christmas Eve but the "party with friends" conveniently fell during term-time.

I'll probably jinx it now, but the weather is usually pretty good in the last week of June, too.

zeibesaffron · 31/12/2023 11:31

My sister and I are both December babies - mum used to just make sure there was a little money for a summer type treat as it was more difficult going out for the day (to the seaside or adventure park) in the snow! Im a 70s child we had what felt like lots of snow then 🤣!

I am with your MiL its daft celebrate her proper birthday! Have the party in early Dec so people will come and stop confusing the child and your family. This will be totally ridiculous when shes at school!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 31/12/2023 11:31

Surely the half birthday celebration should be in addition to doing something for the actual birthday.