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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Remagirl · 31/12/2023 10:22

I'm sorry to tell you this is a very bizarre and difficult concept to grasp. Your child is probably going to hate it too.

Faceache45 · 31/12/2023 10:22

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

Why is it okay for you to acknowledge it but not her? I'd thank her for her present. If she wants to come on the day then I'd make her welcome. I'd keep on explaining why you do the party in the summer. If she wants to come she's welcome and if not that's fine as well. I wouldn't make a big deal over it.

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 10:24

I'm waiting for the OP to post in 20 years time......"It was my birthday yesterday but my DC has told me I'm not having any presents or a party for another 6 months. AIBU to feel hurt that they don't view my birthday worthy of celebrating on the actual day?"

Fraggeek · 31/12/2023 10:25

You can't have it both ways.

You say you "acknowledge" her birthday but don't like it when MIL does?

This screams of trying to find an issue where there isn't one because you don't get on with that person.

Also. Half birthdays. You're doing it wrong 🙄🙄 you still make an effort on the day. Family and close friends can still give presents to acknowledge the day. Then June is the big celebration, party etc. Those who have given gifts already don't need to regift.

I have no idea why a child under school age needs a half birthday anyway. They won't remember any of it.

Personally I think they should be allowed to celebrate on the day, you just have the party a couple of weeks before/after. Don't make it anymore complicated than it needs to be, otherwise you're literally only doing it for your benefit. Not the child's.

ClairDeLaLune · 31/12/2023 10:25

Cousin’s daughter has this, she was born on Christmas Day. She’s late teens now and still loves her half birthday. Otherwise it just gets swamped up in Christmas. The family still acknowledge her actual birthday, she gets cards and token gifts, but 25 June is her big celebration, just for her.

I think you probably have bigger problems with MIL than just this though OP don’t you? My sympathies.

Yesididntdothat · 31/12/2023 10:25

Once at school, the real date will be talked about, possibly put on a class calendar, and will be important for knowing how your child is progressing next to their peers - and for the year they can start school too. I do see the idea behind it but I don't think it will work as they actually grow up.

soggybottomedfruitcake · 31/12/2023 10:26

It’s batshit crazy and cruel to your child.

ripplingwater · 31/12/2023 10:26

Tryingmybestadhd · 31/12/2023 10:12

Poor kid ! You made a simple thing 100x more complicated! If you want a party 6 months after then by all means do it but her birthday is the day she was born and other should celebrate it and get gifts that day , as should you !! Honestly this has got to be the most ridiculous thing in MN today

THIS. My son was born on Christmas Day. We prioritise his birthday on Christmas Day and he gets to choose what we eat for Christmas lunch etc. He loves it and has never once felt bad about his birthday. You are making this into a huge issue when it doesn't have to be. Grow up.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 31/12/2023 10:27

The biggest issue ime is that some people use a birthday close to Christmas as an excuse not to give a proper birthday present and a proper Christmas present as they are tight and the birthday person ends up with a kind of non-birthday. There's absolutely no issue with family celebrating the birthday when it actually is and your response OP is ridiculous.

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:28

I actually know a couple right now who met in the summer of 2019 - so they've been together about four and a half years - and they have half anniversaries. So they've had like 9 anniversaries so far... Confused Absolute muppets. (Not engaged or married. I don't think he wants to, so she makes a big deal of the 'anniversaries.' 🙄)

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2023 10:28

Nuts.

#TeamGrandmaw

RosesAndHellebores · 31/12/2023 10:28

As the mother of a child born on Christmas Day, that is his birthday. We have always made it an extra special day and he grew up knowing it was a special birthday. He took the class cake in on the first day back after the hols and had his party on the first weekend after going back to school.

FWIW DD is a late May birthday and was hardly ever at school on her birthday due to whit week. She never had her party on her birthday either. We and most of her friends were usually away on holiday. Similarly dh is an August birthday so his wasn't celebrated at school, ever.

catsanddogsandrabbits · 31/12/2023 10:29

We had a christmas baby. She is a Winter baby - it is her special day. We celebrate another year of her life.
We sometimes had parties in Spring - but made it clear what they were.
Otherwise you're saying her actual birthday is dismissed because it's not good enough for pics and bad news for getting maximum presents.
This logic would also apply to most children born mid December to mid-January or in most of August and frequently in March as it inconveniently clashes with Mother's day or Easter.

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:29

ClairDeLaLune · 31/12/2023 10:25

Cousin’s daughter has this, she was born on Christmas Day. She’s late teens now and still loves her half birthday. Otherwise it just gets swamped up in Christmas. The family still acknowledge her actual birthday, she gets cards and token gifts, but 25 June is her big celebration, just for her.

I think you probably have bigger problems with MIL than just this though OP don’t you? My sympathies.

Do they celebrate your cousin's daughter's birthday at Christmas too (her actual birthday?) Coz if they do, then why?

Passingthethyme · 31/12/2023 10:29

I actually think this is a great idea. I have a friend who has her birthday on the 24th December and another on the 1st January and both have issues with it. (If you expect 2 sets of presents though, then perhaps being slightly UR and grabby).

Noglitterallowed · 31/12/2023 10:29

How odd!! Maybe you should of planned when to get laid a bit better then you wouldn’t have this issue 🤦‍♀️

poor kids going to be so confused. You clearly just hate your mother in law

balmysummerevening · 31/12/2023 10:30

catsanddogsandrabbits · 31/12/2023 10:29

We had a christmas baby. She is a Winter baby - it is her special day. We celebrate another year of her life.
We sometimes had parties in Spring - but made it clear what they were.
Otherwise you're saying her actual birthday is dismissed because it's not good enough for pics and bad news for getting maximum presents.
This logic would also apply to most children born mid December to mid-January or in most of August and frequently in March as it inconveniently clashes with Mother's day or Easter.

Yep- surely this applies to everyone born in December lol. YABVU OP

TiredMummma · 31/12/2023 10:30

Temporaryname158 · 21/12/2023 05:56

It is not a manipulative act by your MIL. You are being totally unreasonable.

despite later protest you’ve clearly stated in the first post you pretty much ignore the actually birthday and are getting annoyed with those who perfectly rationally recognise it.

celebrate on the 26th and just have a school/family party in June

The thing I find odd about this though is so many kids are actually born in June and will want a party in June. If my kid is invited to several kids birthdays, I'm going to prioritise the one who was actually born that month & has only one birthday a year. I would attend an early Dec or late Jan birthday for a Boxing Day baby

CoffeeBean5 · 31/12/2023 10:31

@Ekbygum why don't you just celebrate her birthday on her actual birthday? You could organise a party for her friends in January.

AutumnFroglets · 31/12/2023 10:31

PostmansKnock · 31/12/2023 09:59

Half birthdays are not a thing and you are sending a very weird message to your child about their birthday.

That's what I think.

'Well darling, you weren't born at the right time, it's inconvenient for everyone.'

As someone who was born on Christmas day this is exactly how I felt growing up with having another special day on June 25th for friends. I hated it, my friends constantly took the mickey out of me being special like the queen having two birthdays. My mum only did the actual party thing four times (ages 7-10) but I stopped feeling excited for my real birthday from then and I'm now over 50.

Don't fuck up your child with half birthdays OP.

ActDottie · 31/12/2023 10:31

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

this

Bib1234 · 31/12/2023 10:31

Do you not mark the poor kids actual birthday at all?
and it’s not ‘been a few year’ - it’s been 3 and thank goodness you have time to sort yourself out

Coconutter24 · 31/12/2023 10:31

My birthday is Christmas Day, I have heard of people having a half birthday in the summer but tbh I think it’s just stupid. You can make up a half birthday if you wish but you can’t expect everyone to go along with it. Why not save the confusion and just celebrate the birthday in December? I’ve found people who want to make the time to celebrate with me will do and if people don’t want to cos it’s a busy time of year so be it but I wouldn’t make up a half birthday to accommodate those people

Ifeelsolow247 · 31/12/2023 10:32

It's completely up to you how and when you celebrate.
People will of course have their own opinions, but it has nothing to do with them.

When the child gets older she can decide for herself.

Personally I think it would be lovely to have Christmas Day, and then a Birthday celebration on Boxing Day.
She may well feel special as she gets older because she gets to have two sets of presents, one day after the other.
I understand the only issue would be that it would be difficult for school friends to come on the day, but lots of children have a party a few days later.

Snazzysausage · 31/12/2023 10:32

It sounds utterly barmy to me I'm afraid. A birthday is a birthday no matter when it is 🤔

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