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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:

Tryingmybestadhd · 31/12/2023 10:12

Poor kid ! You made a simple thing 100x more complicated! If you want a party 6 months after then by all means do it but her birthday is the day she was born and other should celebrate it and get gifts that day , as should you !! Honestly this has got to be the most ridiculous thing in MN today

fairymary87 · 31/12/2023 10:12

I have a December birthday and my mum still made sure I felt special and celebrated. this is odd and will likely cause resentment down the line

Scirocco · 31/12/2023 10:12

Is your daughter the monarch? If not, she has one birthday.

As she gets older, I think quite a few parents will be quite happy to send their children to a birthday party and get a few hours post-Christmas break.

Tryingmybestadhd · 31/12/2023 10:13

PostmansKnock · 31/12/2023 09:59

Half birthdays are not a thing and you are sending a very weird message to your child about their birthday.

That's what I think.

'Well darling, you weren't born at the right time, it's inconvenient for everyone.'

Yep , I find the OP behaviour so selfish and self absorbed!

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 31/12/2023 10:13

My husband loves his Christmas birthday - I assume because his parents did such a fantastic job of integrating his birthday with Christmas in a positive way.
Just something to think about.

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:13

Batshit. Never heard anything like it. I know someone who had a baby a couple of years ago, on the 27th of December. The little girl has a brother who's three years older. The brother's birthday is in July, so all good.

But as for the little girl. last year they did nothing as she was only one, they just had a few gifts off people for her, and a little private celebration. But this year, they all celebrated Christmas with a Christmas Eve buffet, and a Christmas Day roast meal with about 10 family members, and then went for a nice boxing day walk.

Then on the 27th they had a big party (for the 2 year old girl,) and invited about 30 people, and she got a bunch of gifts (as well as the Christmas ones a few days before.) Big banners, party hats, 4 foot balloon in the shape of a 2, party food, gift bags for the kids, birthday streamers over the house etc... They made a massive big deal of it. Even though it was at Christmas.

There's absolutely no reason whatsoever that you can't celebrate your birthday - just after Christmas. If it's Christmas Day itself, it might be a bit tricky, but just push it to like the 27th or 28th or something.

quisensoucie · 31/12/2023 10:14

So the three wise men stood outside the stable discussing whether to offer the gold, frankincense and myrrh as Christmas presents or birthday presents...
Wise man 1 said - It's christmas and sod's law that JC happened to be born today
Wise man 2 said - It's JCs birthday, just a coincidence christmas has fallen on this day
Wise man 3 said - Oh well, we can give him a half-birthday in June; some people might think it's the Trooping of the Colour, but as long as we keep repeating it's a half-birthday, no-one will be confused or think it is stupid...

Takemeawayy · 31/12/2023 10:15

My daughter is also the 26th. We considered this but she gets so excited for her birthday and getting older that it wouldn’t work. We did a Halloween party this year instead of a birthday party as that’s what she wanted. Everyone treated it like her birthday and it was lovely. She’s not fussed about it being Boxing Day, in fact on Christmas Day the first thing she said was “it’s my birthday tomorrow” 😂

Christmasisspecial · 31/12/2023 10:15

I feel very sorry for your MIL in this scenario, and your husband and child stuck in the middle of this. You sound very controlling. I get the summer party bit for friends (though I wouldn't do it). We have a Christmas baby in our family too.

RuthW · 31/12/2023 10:15

I would do exactly the same if I had a child born at Christmas.

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:16

I actually wish my birthday was in the Christmas week so I could just get it over with (along with Christmas.) Mine's in April and now in my late 50s. I just really hate birthdays. I hate being the centre of attention, and no one ever really knows what to get me, because I have everything I need and want. I feel that people feel obliged to get stuff, and just get a bunch of presents that I either could do without, or don't want, or that make me even fatter 😬.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 31/12/2023 10:16

My best mate has a Christmas day birthday.
It is celebrated twice. Once on December 25th
Once on June 25th.
Yabu

2chocolateoranges · 31/12/2023 10:16

A half birthday is just ridiculous.

imagine inviting your child’s school friends to a 6and a half birthday rather than a party near their actual birthday. Very bizarre.

redxlondon · 31/12/2023 10:17

I think it’s a great idea, but perhaps calling it a “half” birthday has caused the confusion. I’d just
stick to the new date as their official birthday.
My MIL has her birthday on Boxing Day, and it’s a f-ing nightmare. She wants everything to revolve around her and to do special days our for it. Which meant this year it costing £120 per head for a meal out, which she complained about being shit but my husband and SIL picked up the bill for 14 people!!!

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:18

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 31/12/2023 10:16

My best mate has a Christmas day birthday.
It is celebrated twice. Once on December 25th
Once on June 25th.
Yabu

That's daft innit? EITHER pick June 25th or just celebrate it a day or 2 after Christmas day/your actual birthday - like I said in my post at 10.13.

InAPickle12345 · 31/12/2023 10:18

I don't understand what the issue is here. You say you acknowledge the actual birthday on the 26th so why can't Nana offer birthday wishes and a gift on this date?

Half birthday...fine, whatever. My DS is born over the holiday period so I understand the potential issue in the future with parties etc. We have his party with his friends a couple of weeks into January. I don't understand doing it 6 months later tbh, I know my own DS would hate this and his friends would most likely be on holidays as they're off school in June. But you do whatever works for you. Just don't expect everyone else to understand it.

redxlondon · 31/12/2023 10:18

FreshWinterMorning · 31/12/2023 10:16

Just ask people not to acknowledge it then, or ask for donations to charity?

Pollydarling · 31/12/2023 10:18

I'm Xmas day, one of mine is 19th Dec. I celebrate Xmas eve to separate it for the children and child with 19th bday has their party the first weekend in Dec/last of Nov. You could always ask for vouchers for her real birthday and spend them half way through the year on things she wants and needs.

TheGoodTypeOfLoser · 31/12/2023 10:18

We do this!

DS birthday is Christmas Day.

So he has his birthday on 25th June.

On Christmas day he gets a card and a caterpillar cake but all his presents and party in June when people can attend.

Nobody is required to get him 2nd presents in Dec of course or even a card but most family members call to say happy birthday.

I don't think how overlooked Christmas birthdays can be for kids and how hard it is for them to get everything in one day and not have a birthday to look forward to really because everyone's busy with Xmas.

People may think it's weird but it works for our family and everyone just thinks of DS birthday as in June now.

TiredMummma · 31/12/2023 10:19

Half birthdays are not a thing, and it's a bit weird honestly - why not just have a party a few weeks before or later? Christmas birthdays can be fun and it's odd you don't want to celebrate that. And does this child get two lots of presents each year if you do acknowledge their actual birthday? How do the other two kids feel about this? It's also not their fault.

2under4 · 31/12/2023 10:20

I have two boys, both of whom have rubbish December birthdays. We do mark the birthdays, but also do a "Summer Solstice" party, rather than a half birthday. The "December" gifts get split between their birthday and Christmas (although they don't know this). Family and friends do the same for them.

We are lucky our family are accommodating though - a solstice party may or may not fry your MILs brain even more! Depending on her disposition, and feelings towards you.

Solidarity with the amount of present buying, wrapping, sorting and putting away in December though 😨

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 31/12/2023 10:21

I live with an adult Christmas baby. The way you're doing this could make your child feel like you view Christmas as more important than their birthday, and you've just shoved it up to when suits you better.

Best way to deal with it, in their experience, is to completely separate the two things but do their birthday when it is, so they still feel important. Its not the child's fault they were born around Christmas. Don't push them out of their actual birthday.

TheGoodTypeOfLoser · 31/12/2023 10:21

Also it's not really a half birthday, it's not celebrated twice. We just swapped his birthday to half way through the year so he can have a summer party with a bouncy castle and people have time to attend. We once tried doing a party on 21st Dec and almost no one came.

Andthereyougo · 31/12/2023 10:21

Doing a half birthday for an easier, more kids will attend party is fine.
But you can’t expect other family members to a) move her birthday to June and remember to buy gifts/cards and b) double what they spend on her birthday as they still send on the real birthday.
Just have a party in the summer and stop banging on about it being a “half birthday”

HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 31/12/2023 10:21

My bday is tomoz but I’ve always celebrated NYE cos everyone is all partied out on 1 Jan x

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