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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
JANEY205 · 31/12/2023 13:36

Also as someone who had a summer birthday during school holidays….it makes less sense to me as my friends were always gone and on holiday and organizing a party when children are off was too tricky…I never had a party and always did fun days out and holidays instead and much preferred it! Will be doing the same for mine. So you’re very unreasonable!! You’re doing all this for a party?! Really? I’d find it hard to buy for your child or go to their party 6 months later tbh and probably wouldn’t…I’d also celebrate and acknowledge their actual day. I’m about to have an early Jan baby would possibly move their birthday day out to Feb for weather reasons but that is it! Their birthday will still be their day! Stop making boxing a day a thing and prioritize your child. There’s lots of days between Christmas and NYE too….

Icantbedoingwithit · 31/12/2023 13:38

Most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and I have a child with a birthday at Christmas. Honestly stop with the nonsense.

user1471538283 · 31/12/2023 13:38

My DS's birthday is close to Christmas but I've always kept the two events separate. He used to have a party and people always attended. I never thought to have it in the summer. I don't think he ever felt he was missing out. Your birthday is your birthday!

Zone2NorthLondon · 31/12/2023 13:44

This is crackers I’m afraid. You purposefully chose another day to celebrate the birthday not the actual birthday and then complain that everyone doesn’t applaud your ingenuity. Your mil is correct to acknowledge the child birthday on the actual day

PinkyFlamingo · 31/12/2023 13:46

Half birthday? What a load of made up rubbish

JANEY205 · 31/12/2023 13:46

For people agreeing with OP and saying it’s nice to be able to have a party with friends etc
-How is that more important than actually being acknowledged on your real birthday?
-How do you think children who never had parties survive? I actually hated the years I had parties growing up and much preferred to have friends go on days out with us, go on a trip with my family etc…all of which can be delayed a few weeks if needed.

Why are we acting like pretending a child’s birthday is 6m later for the sake of a class party is ok?!

12345change · 31/12/2023 13:49

OMG OP really don't listen to all these people.. only on MN can people get worked up about someone else's arrangements with their children regarding birthdays. I can't believe they are calling you selfish!!

If the late Queen was able to have two birthdays (as is traditional the Kings and Queens) I don't see how people can say this is a ridiculous idea. Ignore all these comments from people who think they know best - I should remember to stay off MN.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 31/12/2023 13:57

SIL was born on xmas day and had her birthday cake and party in June so her schoolfriends could join in. She just had 2 birthdays like the Queen until she left for Uni where she could make her own arrangements.

Rubyphoebetina · 31/12/2023 14:00

I get where you’re coming from with the half birthday, but honestly it’s a bit weird to get annoyed that your MIL wants to send cards/gifts on her actual bday. You picking a random date doesn’t change the fact that 26th Dec is the date she was born on and the date she actually turns a year older! I get the birthday party thing for when she’s older, but to just move the birthday completely is strange.

my cousin does half birthdays, but not instead of actual ones, they are in addition to.

I think you just need to celebrate her birthday as normal on her actual birthday and in addition do a half birthday celebration. You could do family on her actual birthday and then friends on her half birthday so when she is at school she can have parties when people are actually free to celebrate.

jwoo23 · 31/12/2023 14:03

Had to post in support! I’m a 23rd Dec birthday and my parents instigated a half birthday for me! I think from when I started school, and parties and celebrations became important. We always referred to having an ‘official birthday' like the Queen!😂
On the 23rd June I could look forward to presents and a party in nice weather, with friends from school etc., but cards always said happy half or just happy birthday. All my family were very accepting of it and played along. My parents and very close family always celebrated my real birthday on 23rd December too and mum and dad always gave me a little present then too. In terms of age, celebrated in same calendar year. Tho stopped when I was 18 as there was little point celebrating I was 18 when I was only 17 and a half, and of course by that point the importance of ‘Birthdays’ had well worn off anyway!! Altho for years my parents always continued to acknowledge my half birthday in June! 😂. Love them! It was definitely the best of everything. So bah humbug to those saying a half birthday isn’t a thing! It worked for us!!

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 31/12/2023 14:04

It’s fine to have a spring/ summer celebration to mark your child’s birthday, but yes you are being utterly ridiculous in not letting your MIL mark her actually birthday. You are just looking for things to get upset about To paraphrase your own question YATB

MILLYmo0se · 31/12/2023 14:06

jwoo23 · 31/12/2023 14:03

Had to post in support! I’m a 23rd Dec birthday and my parents instigated a half birthday for me! I think from when I started school, and parties and celebrations became important. We always referred to having an ‘official birthday' like the Queen!😂
On the 23rd June I could look forward to presents and a party in nice weather, with friends from school etc., but cards always said happy half or just happy birthday. All my family were very accepting of it and played along. My parents and very close family always celebrated my real birthday on 23rd December too and mum and dad always gave me a little present then too. In terms of age, celebrated in same calendar year. Tho stopped when I was 18 as there was little point celebrating I was 18 when I was only 17 and a half, and of course by that point the importance of ‘Birthdays’ had well worn off anyway!! Altho for years my parents always continued to acknowledge my half birthday in June! 😂. Love them! It was definitely the best of everything. So bah humbug to those saying a half birthday isn’t a thing! It worked for us!!

But your close family didnt ignore your real birthday? And the OP is mad because the childs grandmother acknowledged /sent a gift on her real birthday.

AegonT · 31/12/2023 14:06

I can't believe you are getting annoyed at her for sending a card, present and happy birthday wishes on her birthday. She is acting normally - you are not. Throw a party for her in the Summer if you want to but you can't change her actual birthday or expect people bring cards and presents to the Summer party.

Jammylou · 31/12/2023 14:12

The whole point of celebrating a birthday is because it is exactly that the day of your birth or in your case your child's.
I have a birthday close to Christmas I celebrate it as normal.
Yes it's not a great time to have a birthday but I'm stuck with it.
Sorry no such thing exists as a half birthday.

MargaretThursday · 31/12/2023 14:13

I'm astonished at the replies here.

It's very common round here for birthdays a week either side of Christmas to do an official birthday on the equivalent date in June.
When my brothers dc was born close to Christmas, dm was sympathising and I mentioned this to her and her response was great idea. She then mentioned it to her sister (who had a late December birthday) and she said "I someone had thought of that when I was a child".
I do both for my nephew. A card on the actual birthday and present on the half birthday.

whynotwhatknot · 31/12/2023 14:13

probably a wind up but anyway i know 2 people with xmas birthday they just celebrate it or go out a few days later/earlier-some people are born in winter and xmas they deal woth it

just confusing for the kids to move it all

and this isnt a hill to die on re mil

MargaretThursday · 31/12/2023 14:14

MargaretThursday · 31/12/2023 14:13

I'm astonished at the replies here.

It's very common round here for birthdays a week either side of Christmas to do an official birthday on the equivalent date in June.
When my brothers dc was born close to Christmas, dm was sympathising and I mentioned this to her and her response was great idea. She then mentioned it to her sister (who had a late December birthday) and she said "I someone had thought of that when I was a child".
I do both for my nephew. A card on the actual birthday and present on the half birthday.

Edited to say:
No one's confused, neither the child who likes having an official birthday "like the queen" nor their friends, nor friend parents.

QuestioningMyLifeChoices · 31/12/2023 14:19

Speaking as a Christmas baby (24th) there is nothing wrong with having a Christmas birthday... Please just celebrate it on your child's actual birthday.

All you need to do is make the 2 occasions separate. Wrap gifts in birthday paper and plan parties either a few weeks before or after.

To your child it will be normal to have a Christmas birthday because that's just how it is... Unless you introduce extra birthdays which is just confusing and unnecessary, unless they specifically want to do something outdoors that needs better weather, in which case you'd postpone the party to the earliest opportunity, but still celebrate the birthday on the actual birthday.

If you have another child one day will you celebrate theirs twice a year too? Even if they're born at a more 'convenient' time of year...?

SutWytTi · 31/12/2023 14:20

I think this is not nice for the child. They were born on 26th December, that is their birthday.

Fair enough schedule any non-family birthday party for when schools are back but I think moving their family birthday is awful unless at their own request later on.

So I agree with your MIL and think you should change it back to their actual birthday.

HelenTherese2 · 31/12/2023 14:22

You are odd. What a weird thing to decide before the baby was even born. Also this sounds like something you are doing for yourself and not the baby. Why can’t you have a party in the summer and still celebrate the birthday on the right day? I can’t imagine the child when it’s older not having their birthday celebrated because Christmas is more important.

’What are you doing for your birthday this year bro?’ ‘Nothing because my batshit crazy mum decided that it doesn’t count and we are celebrating in June.’ Imagine. 🙄

CoffeeBean5 · 31/12/2023 14:25

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 31/12/2023 13:57

SIL was born on xmas day and had her birthday cake and party in June so her schoolfriends could join in. She just had 2 birthdays like the Queen until she left for Uni where she could make her own arrangements.

Why didn't she just have a party early December or in January when she was back in school?

Josienpaul · 31/12/2023 14:28

I totally get the friend’s party - have her half bday party in the summer - but keep her birthday special. How on earth is she going to feel at 18, when she can finally drink and has to wait 6m to celebrate. Very odd. YABU.

chipsewfast · 31/12/2023 14:29

Sounds ridiculous. Just celebrate the birthday when it really is in December.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 31/12/2023 14:31

Friends in Australia celebrate Christmas on 25th June so their English relatives can come out to celebrate with them but not be overwhelmed by 35+ degree heat! It's still beach weather in their winter, and the flights are cheaper.

Birthdays and holidays are up to the individuals involved to decide when to celebrate, surely? But if MIL finds it too difficult, just let her carry on celebrating her DGD's birthday on the actual day.

StarlightLime · 31/12/2023 14:45

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 31/12/2023 14:31

Friends in Australia celebrate Christmas on 25th June so their English relatives can come out to celebrate with them but not be overwhelmed by 35+ degree heat! It's still beach weather in their winter, and the flights are cheaper.

Birthdays and holidays are up to the individuals involved to decide when to celebrate, surely? But if MIL finds it too difficult, just let her carry on celebrating her DGD's birthday on the actual day.

That's equally bizarre. Why can't they just visit for a normal holiday in June rather than try to celebrate Christmas? It doesn't even make any sense.