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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Poppsidoppsi · 31/12/2023 12:44

Both my DC are Christmas babies and I have never and will never do the half birthday rubbish. Celebrate the day they were born! Christmas is a great time to have a birthday (many years we would visit Santa and the elves and both DC would get a birthday sing song!). I have a new year birthday and never celebrate it in July. Yes, the weather is pants but that’s just the luck of the birthday draw.

oakleaffy · 31/12/2023 12:45

A ''Half birthday?'' That's absolutely nuts.
No wonder your MIL is confused.

My next door neighbours have a little girl born on Christmas Eve, and my brother is born a few days before Christmas....both celebrate on the actual days.

By all means have a party for your daughter mid year, but don't call it a ''birthday''.

We LOVED my brother's Birthday parties a week before Christmas when we were kids.

As to your MIL missing her adult son...that's very normal.

When you have a son, you will realise that you never stop loving them.

We moved away from in laws, and I feel it was very tough on MIL/PIL as husband was their only child.

She probably doesn't ''Hate'' you...just misses her son very much, and why shouldn't she?

Superduper02 · 31/12/2023 12:45

Pure silliness from you OP trying to make this a thing. I'm with your MIL. Even if she doesn't like you for other reasons, she is right about this. Your child's birthday is when it is. You don't go around creating half birthdays. You work around what she's got, a December birthday.

Qwerty21 · 31/12/2023 12:45

I can't believe how many people are unnecessarily wound up by a half birthday. Kids with a Xmas day birthday would never have a normal Christmas or birthday, and their siblings would never have a normal Christmas either. But regardless, why does someone else's choice affect you?!

Superduper02 · 31/12/2023 12:47

Qwerty21 · 31/12/2023 12:45

I can't believe how many people are unnecessarily wound up by a half birthday. Kids with a Xmas day birthday would never have a normal Christmas or birthday, and their siblings would never have a normal Christmas either. But regardless, why does someone else's choice affect you?!

OP has come to MN asking if she is being unreasonable, and most are saying she is. Who is wound up? We're just answering the question posed.

StarlightLime · 31/12/2023 12:47

Qwerty21 · 31/12/2023 12:45

I can't believe how many people are unnecessarily wound up by a half birthday. Kids with a Xmas day birthday would never have a normal Christmas or birthday, and their siblings would never have a normal Christmas either. But regardless, why does someone else's choice affect you?!

Normal?? Give over.

Pugdays · 31/12/2023 12:48

Mil seems the only sensible one in this scenario
Poor kid

sayanythingelse · 31/12/2023 12:50

Both my DC are born at the end of the year. DD is just before Xmas.
My birthday is exactly 6 months later in June, so we do tend to do a "half birthday" for her in the sense that we'll go on holiday, to the zoo or theme park for my birthday to make up for not being able to to much in December.
I would never actually celebrate her birthday in June though or expect anyone else to.

Whyyoulyingfor · 31/12/2023 12:51

oakleaffy · 31/12/2023 12:45

A ''Half birthday?'' That's absolutely nuts.
No wonder your MIL is confused.

My next door neighbours have a little girl born on Christmas Eve, and my brother is born a few days before Christmas....both celebrate on the actual days.

By all means have a party for your daughter mid year, but don't call it a ''birthday''.

We LOVED my brother's Birthday parties a week before Christmas when we were kids.

As to your MIL missing her adult son...that's very normal.

When you have a son, you will realise that you never stop loving them.

We moved away from in laws, and I feel it was very tough on MIL/PIL as husband was their only child.

She probably doesn't ''Hate'' you...just misses her son very much, and why shouldn't she?

Edited

Why is having a son any different to a daughter? Surely you miss all children the same regardless of gender.

oakleaffy · 31/12/2023 12:52

Qwerty21 · 31/12/2023 12:45

I can't believe how many people are unnecessarily wound up by a half birthday. Kids with a Xmas day birthday would never have a normal Christmas or birthday, and their siblings would never have a normal Christmas either. But regardless, why does someone else's choice affect you?!

What the heck do you mean ''Never have a normal Christmas or Birthday?

The people I know {two} with Christmas birthdays know no different, and they have lovely Christmas/Birthday celebrations.

If it's so important to have a summer birthday, get pregnant in October for a July Baby where the weather is often lovely , the days are long , and you can have outdoor parties -very rarely is a July birthday rained off in my experience

But then the trouble is that the schoolfriends are often on holiday!

LMBK · 31/12/2023 12:52

My friend as an adult has chosen to do a half birthday - she was born Christmas Day and hated it wasn't celebrated properly.

This saying I make sure she has a card & present on her actual birthday too!.

TinyYellow · 31/12/2023 12:53

It’s weird to be pissed odd with someone for wishing your child happy birthday on their birthday.

I can see lots of good reasons to have a party in the summer instead of around Christmas especially for school friends, but you can’t reasonably expect a grandparent to ignore a child’s actual birthday and pretend that they’re six months older/younger than they actually are.

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 12:53

Qwerty21 · 31/12/2023 12:45

I can't believe how many people are unnecessarily wound up by a half birthday. Kids with a Xmas day birthday would never have a normal Christmas or birthday, and their siblings would never have a normal Christmas either. But regardless, why does someone else's choice affect you?!

Hmmm let's see........me and my siblings opened up Christmas presents with my parents - normal for most families

I opened up my birthday presents and blowing out candles on my birthday cake with the rest of the family watching and singing "Happy Birthday" - normal within most families.

The not normal thing is having a half birthday and having to wait 6 months for the birthday to be celebrated by your own parents.

peachesarenom · 31/12/2023 13:03

I think you're doing the right thing!

I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to MIL, just say thanks for card and gifts.

I have a lot of friends who have Dec/Jan birthdays and they often feel disappointed so having the 'big' celebration at the half birthday makes much more sense.

In 2020 I celebrated my little ones birthday on the half birthday as parties were not allowed till then x

MILLYmo0se · 31/12/2023 13:03

So if you acknowledge her actual birthday day as you say in your post you do, why cant MIL? This argument makes no sense, you say thank you for the gift and send a photo of the birthday girl with it, it makes no difference to you to do this simple thing .

Silvers11 · 31/12/2023 13:04

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

So you just don't like your MIL and have to find something to complain about?

If you acknowledge your child's actual Birthday, what on earth is the problem with MIL doing the same.

My DD was born in July - most of her friends were away on holiday - but we had parties for Halloween instead. Still celebrated her actual birthday on the actual day. So it's fine, as others have also said, to have a Party later in the year, but who wouldn't celebrate someone's ACTUAL BIRTHday ( the clues in the name) ??

TheWayTheLightFalls · 31/12/2023 13:08

I agree with others - if you're acknowledging the actual day, MIL can too. And it's nicer for the child that way imo - the party or celebration with friends can be in June or whenever else, but it's lovely for the family to mark it on the day itself.

TheRealLilyMunster · 31/12/2023 13:10

Do you think that when your child is older they will be happy to celebrate their birthday 6 months after the event?

Or do you think they will want to celebrate their birthday on their actual birthday?

ApiratesaysYarrr · 31/12/2023 13:11

You are quite entitled to decide to have a summer party on a half-birthday for your child.

You are batshit crazy to be trying to prevent people wishing your child happy birthday/getting them presents on their actual birthday. As PP have said, once your child starts school it's going to be rather odd and confusing, and you'll get the reputation of being the weird parent, which will probably impact on your child.

Your MIL is clearly being passive aggressive with the faux confusion, but she's not wrong to think that it's not usual behaviour.

Beachywave · 31/12/2023 13:11

YABVU and a bit weird.
Totally normal to celebrate someone’s birthday on the day they were born…
If you want to give a gift of a future party/day trip/holiday so they can celebrate later in the year that’s up to you but to completely make up a date is bizarre.

DeeLusional · 31/12/2023 13:20

I know someone with an xmas baby who did the half birthday on Midsummer Day, but they were happy to let granny keep the actual birthday. There are lots of things in this life to get upset about - spelling for instance - but this isn't one of them IMO. Why ask an old lady to comemmorate an arbitrary date that has no meaning for her?

ConflictofInterest · 31/12/2023 13:27

I'm with MIL too. It's their special unique day, they weren't born on another day, you can't just pick a random day with better weather. My DD has a Christmas birthday and she's so proud of it. You can throw a party whenever you want but to children their own birthday is really important to them.

JANEY205 · 31/12/2023 13:31

Really weird and selfish of you. My friends birthday is Boxing Day and there is zero reason her birthday can’t be celebrated that day or the 27th but her family just don’t bother as they are ‘tired from Christmas.’ THAT is the issue. Why on earth can’t the 26th or 27th be your child’s birthday? I live in a country with no Boxing Day and it’s fab! Don’t miss it at all….it was only ever a day of mooching about anyway and I’d happily celebrate my child’s birthday that day instead! Or the 27th when more is open. This is a YOU issue, poor MIL. 6 months later is extremely weird and I bet your child ends up with no gifts and no party as they get older as you’ve basically made up it’s their birthday when it just isn’t. If a classmate actually has a birthday then I’d prioritize going to their party….not your made up one.
Even a Jan date would be more likely to have people actually care?! But no you can’t make up half birthdays as you can’t be bothered to celebrate your child’s actual birthday. Thats not fair on your child!

TiaraBoo · 31/12/2023 13:32

I’d assume you meant when DD is a bit bigger or now they’re 3, you’d have a little party in the summer to celebrate their birthday. Not that you’d stop family celebrating their actual birthday.

12345change · 31/12/2023 13:33

As someone who has a Christmas birthday.. tell them all in the nicest possible way to f**k off and carry on doing what you're doing!

I wish my parents had done this for me... growing up it sucks to have a Christmas birthday. I'm over it now but would have preferred this arrangement.