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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
JoyeuxNarwhal · 31/12/2023 11:31

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

I have a dc born at this time of year. It never occurred to us not to celebrate their birthday on their actual birthday. When they were old enough to express a preference we offered a party in the summer, but dc preferred to celebrate on/near their birthday.

Never had an issue with parties either, ime people are really appreciative of being able to hand over their dc for a couple of hours!

If as you say you acknowledge your dc's birthday, why is it such a massive issue to you that her grandparent does too?!

Canthelpmyselffromjoiningin · 31/12/2023 11:35

DS1 has his birthday just before Christmas and mine is just after Christmas so I appreciate the sentiment but the way you're going about it is a bit OTT and will confuse your child. DS has just turned 4, we had his birthday party at the beginning of December as we thought no one would turn up if we held it the weekend before Christmas, we then had weeks of being asked am I 3? Am I 4? Is the party coming back for my birthday? I couldn't bear that for 6 months 🤣
As a primary aged child I had an "unofficial birthday" at the start of summer. It was just me and my immediate family and I got to unwrap outdoors play things I'd have been given anyway e.g a bike and have a special tea. It did take the sting out of the miserly Christmas cards with "and birthday" written on the bottom but I think to formalise it would have been madness. Just make sure you do separate Christmas and birthday celebrations in December and plenty of time to change things up when your child is old enough to care.

Brefugee · 31/12/2023 11:35

i have a DC with a birthday at this time of year (as do i)

you can do what you like regarding "half-birthdays" but your dislike of your MIL (rational or unfounded or whatever) should not be impinging on your child's relationship with their granny. Stop being weird about it and carry on celebrating as you do - but you can't expect everyone to go along with EXACTLY what you want.

StaunchMomma · 31/12/2023 11:46

I can understand holding off a party with school friends til after Xmas but why stop family from sending cards and presents on their actual birthday? That seems excessive and controlling.

Picking another date is weird. Yes, it can be more convenient to plan activities around nicer weather and term time so people are free but picking an actual half birthday date and making family stick to it is bizarre and I'm not surprised others think so.

I also think you need to allow your DC to have a say over this in a few years. If they'd rather have their birthday on their actual birthday then you should go with that.

Namechange4448830938489 · 31/12/2023 11:49

This is just pure daft.

Poiiuytrerftg · 31/12/2023 11:49

My birthday is a very similar date and I find what you’re doing totally weird. Lovely to do a party in the summer given everyone tends to be unavailable between Xmas and new year, but absolutely weird and a bit unfair to ignore the actual day all together? That would actually make having a Christmas birthday worse in my opinion.

Scaraben · 31/12/2023 11:53

I think it's normal to have a summer party for Christmas kids - my daughter has been to a couple of these. But not normal for family to ignore the actual birthday! My DDs best pal is born on Christmas eve and his mum explained that they do a birthday cake and tea for him and close family give smaller gifts. It means they can then club together and get him a bike/garden toys that will get used straight away in the summer, and that's when his party with his pals is.
I understand your MIL confusion.

SirVixofVixHall · 31/12/2023 11:54

I also think this gives the message to your child that their actual birthday, the most important day of the year to them, is somehow not good enough and they need to be given a more suitable one.
Your MIl wants to mark your toddler’s actual birthday, that seems lovely to me, hardly controlling and disrespectful! The whole half birthday thing seems bizarre. Summer birthdays have their own problems anyway, I have a birthday close to Christmas, but my Summer born sibling usually had all their friends away on holiday. My June birthday friend was always in the thick of exams as we grew older.

Poppybob · 31/12/2023 11:55

This is stupid and unnecessary, we have a Xmas bday in our family and we give separate presents to the person and do something on 26th or 27th... Its actually fun as it's a double celebration. I think ignoring her bday abd celebrating her bday 6 months later is insulting and demeaning to DC... Its like saying that you aren't important enough to celebrate your bday on the actual day.

Ladyofthepond · 31/12/2023 11:58

Yeah the half birthday is mental. Said as someone who has a birthday over xmas.

Celebrate their birthday as normal! Your MIL isn't the weird one here ,YABU!

Isobel201 · 31/12/2023 12:00

My birthday 30th March is occaisonally on Easter holidays, like it will be next year. I still celebrate it regardless?

NewFriendlyLadybird · 31/12/2023 12:00

We’ve all got birthdays near Christmas. We celebrate and give presents within the family, and each reserve the right to have a summer party to celebrate our ‘official’ birthdays.

VanityDiesHard · 31/12/2023 12:06

YABU. Half birthdays really aren't a thing. I'm firmly with your MIL on this one and I think your husband should have told you not to be so silly (assuming that this isn't a reverse and you are in fact the MIL in this situation, in which case you are quite right and your DIL is a ditzy fool)

NewFriendlyLadybird · 31/12/2023 12:07

Btw OP, when your child starts school all of this will fall apart. Birthdays are REALLY important to children — even a day’s seniority is a big deal. And how can you never give your child a birthday party? One in the summer just won’t be the same.

housethatbuiltme · 31/12/2023 12:07

I'll be honest I find this bloody weird.

My DS is a new years baby, never had issues celebrating his birthday. He had a very successful well attended party every year etc...

Having a birthday party as far as possible from your actual birthday is bloody batshit. Sometime for practicality the date has to move a little for the party (its exceptionally common to have a weekend party for a midweek birthday etc...) but to be the polar opposite date of the birthday is OTT and weird.

I have a summer baby, autumn baby and new year baby and me and DH are both spring birthday... non of our birthdays are greatly harder than any other.

The only real down side to DS birthday this week is its cold so most outdoor things are off limits. It has pluses though like everywhere has post xmas sales this week and things to do in the beginning of January are off season and usually cheap so a great time for a birthday weekend away etc...).

Umidontknow · 31/12/2023 12:09

I think you have made a mountain out of a mole hill tbh having a birthday around Christmas and new year is not unusual and doesn't cause many problems. You may also find it causes more problems when she tries to explain it to class mates as she gets older and they may accuse her of lying. Mil may well be trying to cause issues in general, but I don't think she's out of line on this one. If you are really worried do a party a couple of weeks into January, but my daughter has a couple of friends with birthdays in December (one on Christmas eve)and Jan and it wouldn't put us off buying them a present or going to their party.

ZenNudist · 31/12/2023 12:16

YABU and your MIL is right. Just have a party the first weekend after New year. It's a child's birthday not a rager. Why you'd wait 6 months I don't know. No wonder your family gets confused. I have 13yo and 10yo and never heard of anyone celebrating half birthdays. If they did I'd think they were cheeky as it's not their birthday!

Once your dc start school they are going to want to celebrate their birthday.

XiCi · 31/12/2023 12:20

Yes you are being unreasonable. Its really fucking weird. You must know this. I'm not surprised your mil can't get her head round it. Just celebrate his birthday on his birthday FFS.
My dd has a birthday that always falls in school holidays as well. You'll probably find that parents are glad for their kids to attend a party in the holidays to break up the boredom. Weve never had any problems with friends not being able to attend the parties if that's what you're worried about

StarlightLime · 31/12/2023 12:28

It's just nonsense, op. Half birthdays are not a thing.

Pablova · 31/12/2023 12:29

So you expect her grandparents to not send her gifts or cards on her actual birthday ?

Christmas birthdays are hard enough and can get overlooked and you are encouraging this by asking family not to send gifts and well wishes ?

DD was a Christmas baby and we made the biggest fuss of her birthday on the day to make sure she is not overlooked.
What you are doing is crazy and really unkind and unfair.

prayforthecottransfer · 31/12/2023 12:31

How strange when you still acknowledge the birthday itself.

I taught a 25th December child and their family did not celebrate any birthday on that day at all.

Fwiw my birthday is between 26th - 29th December and it's never caused me any issues 🤷‍♀️.

tkwal · 31/12/2023 12:34

Let the child celebrate their actual birthday in some form. They will end up feeling they aren't deserving of celebration for who they are and when they were actually born just because of a hang up you have. Fair enough, have an additional celebration in the summer but don't expect everyone else to go along with it. You could even make it a "you" special celebration that doesn't have to include traditional birthday activities,or other people outside your immediate family unit.
As it is you're giving your (already touchy?) MIL another reason to complain about you

Dj2020 · 31/12/2023 12:34

I think you are being unreasonable about your mil and quite right she can send cards and gifts on the ACTUAL birthday. Our sons birthday is close to Christmas and we celebrated it. I have said though if he wants to have an extra day during the year when he can celebrate with his friends when he's older then we will do that for him. But his birthday will always be celebrated.

TitaniasAss · 31/12/2023 12:37

well, seldom have I read anything quite so ridiculous, even on here.

Mumsfishnets · 31/12/2023 12:37

It's very weird. And when you're at school your age and birthday is a big deal. DS knows exactly who is 6 and who is 7 in his class and knows when their birthdays are. Primary schools frequently display birthdays so they all know which party is coming next. Listen to your sensible MIL and quit this nonsense. Just have a party when school starts a week later.