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Original poster

Used for sex, should I send him a nasty message or just forget him.

141 replies

Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:00

It's just dawned on me these last few days that I have been used for sex. I was seeing a guy for a month and he was a total charmer, buying me gifts , talking about the next few months etc , we had sex a couple of times , it was good, lots of chemistry, but after the last time, he has slowly but surely disappeared within a week.
I am so annoyed as I had mentioned to him that this had happened to me before and he said he would never do anything like that. I feel like such an idiot and I really liked him as well..
I can't believe he faked the whole thing to get his leg over basically.
Should I send him a really nasty message , like, thanks for being so blatant and using me for sex etc or should I just take it on the chin, delete his number and move on?
I'm actually angry and feel like punishing him somehow, I think sending him a message like that telling him I know what he's done, would make me feel better.
What do you think?

OP posts:
FedUpMumof10YO · 17/12/2023 17:02

Don't sleep with someone so quickly if you want commitment.

No just leave it.

Lesson learned.

Kangarude · 17/12/2023 17:02

No, don’t send a text. Just move on

Dacadactyl · 17/12/2023 17:03

FedUpMumof10YO · 17/12/2023 17:02

Don't sleep with someone so quickly if you want commitment.

No just leave it.

Lesson learned.

This.

DiegosMomHasGotItGoingOn · 17/12/2023 17:04

Don’t send the text it won’t make you feel better.

it also doesn’t sound like he used you for sex, more like it’s just fizzled out. It sounds like he made quite an effort with the relationship? In times of tinder and one night stands I don’t think a guy would make much effort if it was just for sex.

Blinkityblonk · 17/12/2023 17:05

I don't think sleeping with someone towards the end of a month is rushing things, is it?

Blinkityblonk · 17/12/2023 17:07

I mean how long should you wait? I mean I wouldn't wait at all so this isn't an issue for me, I'd carry on if I wanted to and not if I didn't. Much easier than trying to manipulate people through sex.

I wouldn't text him, OP. It seems a lot of trouble to go to just to have sex, I agree with the poster that said perhaps it just started and just finished and wasn't about 'using' anyone.

Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:11

@Blinkityblonk yes I'm also of the opinion that I don't need to wait for commitment to have sex, if I feel I have chemistry and want to do it with someone then I will. I slept with a guy before on the second date and we were together for 2 years.
I'm just finding it annoying and a little bit coincidental that after the second time we had sex that he started to do the slow fade.

OP posts:
instantick · 17/12/2023 17:13

give him the same treatment

Christmassss · 17/12/2023 17:14

Don’t send a text, maybe he didn’t feel a connection.

Pugdays · 17/12/2023 17:15

Do men not like the thrill of the chase any more ...
I don't know ,I've only slept with my husband and I made him wait until we were engaged.
All my friends at uni were sleeping about , having a great time ,I just knew that wasn't for me ,I d feel used if I did that .
Like I say to my daughter,it's about having standards for yourself.respecting yourself.
You can't know someone after a month ,maybe next wait longer ,and if they won't wait untill your ready ,then they were always going to end things after they slept with u

Genevie82 · 17/12/2023 17:15

Well you’ve answered you own question then, he didn’t feel the need for sex to mean commitment either - no hard feelings! Leave it be and move on..

Comedycook · 17/12/2023 17:16

Its not necessarily definite that he used you for sex...like a pp said, it might have just fizzled out. Don't send a message...it won't achieve anything

instantick · 17/12/2023 17:17

lifes too short move on

Foxblue · 17/12/2023 17:19

Yeah why jump to he 'used' you for sex. Maybe he just wasn't feeling it. Maybe he met someone else. You seem to have liked this guy, so I understand being disappointed but if you liked him then presumably you have a decent view of him, so it's unlikely he was being malicious.

TLDRfuckers · 17/12/2023 17:20

Sending him a text won’t make you feel better. Just vent here.

Sending a text gives him more power and you’ll eat yourself up imagining scenarios and responses. It will probably surprise or maybe shock him not to get one too!

notsuredate · 17/12/2023 17:20

so it's unlikely he was being malicious.

Lol have you dated lately?

Treacletoots · 17/12/2023 17:22

It's not too soon OP. You're both consenting adults who chose to have sex.

However, he's now an adult choosing to not continue the relationship after a very short time.

It's not personal. It's not a slight on you, just accept that he's not that into you. It's irrelevant you had sex because you both enjoyed it at the time.

In the words of a very annoying character.. let it go, move onwards and upwards.

Sashya · 17/12/2023 17:24

OP - you can't have it both ways. You can't just have sex with someone without commitment (or at least knowing them a bit better), just because you feel like it in the moment. But then get offended when he is doing the same.
Just because you feel chemistry and want to continue dating - he does not owe you to feel the same.

He sounded like he was behaving respectfully - gifts, complements. Then it didn't work out. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe the intimacy didn't work for him. Who knows. Point is - this is how it works in early dating.

You had sex twice. He then didn't want to proceed. End of story.

notsuredate · 17/12/2023 17:25

It’s tough OP
I’ve been there
only the guy dragged it out for 6 months
I’ve learnt he does this to many women

there are men who go around using women for sex

nokobonoko · 17/12/2023 17:26

Has he just has a busy week? Things might pick up again..
If they don't, perhaps the chemistry just wasn't there once you had been intimate - It's happened to me before.
As tempting as it is to send a nasty message, I would just go quiet and see what happens.

sensationalsally · 17/12/2023 17:27

Didn't you have a say? Didn't you use him for sex too? So now he's changed his mind. Let it go

BoohooWoohoo · 17/12/2023 17:31

There’s no text that will make him apologetic and never repeat that behaviour. If you send him a text then he will show it to his friends and future gf as a “look how obsessed this crazy ex is” and get lots of sympathy because it was clearly a short term fling that didn’t warrant that kind of angry text.

Moonshine5 · 17/12/2023 17:31

Delete it block and move on
Indifference is the true revenge as is living well

Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:32

@instantick do you mean just never contact him again?

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 17/12/2023 17:33

I’d be tempted to send a text telling him to get a std test as u’ve just tested positive for gonorrhoea, once he’s read it, then block. But then I can be petty 🤷🏿‍♀️