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Original poster

Used for sex, should I send him a nasty message or just forget him.

141 replies

Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:00

It's just dawned on me these last few days that I have been used for sex. I was seeing a guy for a month and he was a total charmer, buying me gifts , talking about the next few months etc , we had sex a couple of times , it was good, lots of chemistry, but after the last time, he has slowly but surely disappeared within a week.
I am so annoyed as I had mentioned to him that this had happened to me before and he said he would never do anything like that. I feel like such an idiot and I really liked him as well..
I can't believe he faked the whole thing to get his leg over basically.
Should I send him a really nasty message , like, thanks for being so blatant and using me for sex etc or should I just take it on the chin, delete his number and move on?
I'm actually angry and feel like punishing him somehow, I think sending him a message like that telling him I know what he's done, would make me feel better.
What do you think?

OP posts:
sprigatito · 17/12/2023 17:35

Was the sex crap?

GettingPast · 17/12/2023 17:37

OP
Don't send a nasty message. It will make you feel worse and have no impact on him. You can't control other people.
Write you feeling down on a piece of paper in full phrases and check for any distortions (https://talkheart2heart.org/resources/unhelpful-thinking-styles/)
Replace your thoughts with more positive one - write these down too.

notsuredate · 17/12/2023 17:37

The best way to deal with this Op is to ignore him
don’t give him power or know you’re upset
being indifferent is best
and he may come crawling back for more sex
just block and move on
and moan and vent to us on here!

PersephonePomegranate23 · 17/12/2023 17:40

I don't think the issue is so much him ending things here, it's the ghosting. He didn't have the courage to say for him things had fizzled out. I'd be pissed off, but I wouldn't message him; it gives him a kind of power if he is the shag and run type, he'd probably love it.

Like I say to my daughter,it's about having standards for yourself.respecting yourself.

Why does wanting to have sex with someone denote a lack of self respect? IMO, it's only a problem if someone is having sex with a man to 'secure' him.

You can't know someone after a month ,maybe next wait longer ,and if they won't wait untill your ready ,then they were always going to end things after they slept with u

And yet very regularly, there are threads started by women in long term relationships/marriages who are floored by the discovery that their 'D'H is cheating. When do you ever truly know someone?

DGConsultant · 17/12/2023 17:43

I'd send him a nasty PM, then block and forget.

Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:46

@sprigatito it was good sex although tbh he was a lot smaller than I'm used to!

OP posts:
Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:47

@sprigatito sorry that sounded wrong, I just mean he was a lot smaller than the last guy I dated for 2 years.

OP posts:
instantick · 17/12/2023 17:47

as hard as it is i used to send abuse but realised im wasting my time and my energy.

mildlydispeptic · 17/12/2023 17:48

No nasty message, just totally blank him, OP. You'll be so glad you did.

Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:49

Thanks so much for these replies, they are really helping me.

OP posts:
Ilovelifeverymuch · 17/12/2023 17:50

instantick · 17/12/2023 17:13

give him the same treatment

Hahaha yeah that will show him 😂.

DarkDuvet · 17/12/2023 17:50

Just chalk it up to experience, block and move on

LakeTiticaca · 17/12/2023 17:50

Unless he promised a life time of commitment, marriage, babies, the whole works, just move on.
I assume the sex was consensual?

Wisterical · 17/12/2023 17:52

In what way has he used you OP? You both had consensual sex a couple of times and then he decided he didn't want to have sex with you again. There could be many reasons why, and although it really stings to be rejected he is allowed to stop being attracted to you!

ExTheCheater · 17/12/2023 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 18:01

@ExTheCheater you sound extremely rude

OP posts:
bananablues · 17/12/2023 18:08

realised im wasting my time and my energy.

so don’t waste any more on him. I would just send a message, ‘game over for me, hook ups are not what I was after, have a nice Christmas.’

block & move on. I am not a huge fan of just ghosting unless there is abuse involved.

DGConsultant · 17/12/2023 18:10

Undoubtedly It was consensual, but only speaking as a bloke here, if you've slept with a woman once or twice and you've both had a cracking time together, maybe you don't want anything serious out of It, but you can be polite enough to drop her a text explaining that, thanking her for a good time and just having some manners.

Diamonde · 17/12/2023 18:12

Yeah, he's not going to care and you're not going to hurt him.

Show him you don't really care and he's not special by not messaging.

Messaging massages his ego.

To be honest op, it doesn't even seem like you were used for sex. Hen I think of women being used, they're usually treated like stray dogs the man wouldn't be caught dead with.

You had a nice time and he got all he wanted out of the arrangement. He could have been more mature but it is what it is.

Catoo · 17/12/2023 18:13

What would a nasty message achieve?

If he doesn’t care, he’ll laugh at it, and know he made the right decision to move on.

If he does like you, and is just thinking things over, it will put him off, and he’ll think he’s had a lucky escape.

After you’ve sent it and he completely ignores you and / or blocks you, you’ll feel like 💩.

Stay classy and move on.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 17/12/2023 18:22

Send him a messaging saying you don't think you are compatible as he isn't very good at sex and you've had to fake it.

A thanks but no thanks, then block

samestyle · 17/12/2023 18:24

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction that he hurt you, he most likely will message again at some point to see if you're still available, then I wouldn't read the message and just delete it like he doesn't mean anything.

whimsicalmoon · 17/12/2023 18:26

Some of the replies are a bit harsh. It's really unkind to slow fade someone. He could at least have been upfront and said he doesn't see it working out. It's really crushing to be on the receiving end of this behaviour, wondering whether it's something you did or said, or whether they're just busy, or what.

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 18:28

Blinkityblonk · 17/12/2023 17:05

I don't think sleeping with someone towards the end of a month is rushing things, is it?

No. It’s not. Just the usual judgemental MN nonsense.

Coconutter24 · 17/12/2023 18:29

I wouldn’t waste time sending him a nasty or belittling message. You don’t know that he used you that’s just a guess. Maybe he felt the chemistry to begin with then realised he wasn’t that into you. Not all relationships go anywhere. Yeh it would of been polite of him to say he’d had a nice time etc but can’t see it going anywhere but as he hasn’t just forget him and move on