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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Used for sex, should I send him a nasty message or just forget him.

141 replies

Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:00

It's just dawned on me these last few days that I have been used for sex. I was seeing a guy for a month and he was a total charmer, buying me gifts , talking about the next few months etc , we had sex a couple of times , it was good, lots of chemistry, but after the last time, he has slowly but surely disappeared within a week.
I am so annoyed as I had mentioned to him that this had happened to me before and he said he would never do anything like that. I feel like such an idiot and I really liked him as well..
I can't believe he faked the whole thing to get his leg over basically.
Should I send him a really nasty message , like, thanks for being so blatant and using me for sex etc or should I just take it on the chin, delete his number and move on?
I'm actually angry and feel like punishing him somehow, I think sending him a message like that telling him I know what he's done, would make me feel better.
What do you think?

OP posts:

Original poster

Usedanddumped · 18/12/2023 14:07

Thanks everyone for the advice, really appreciate it. I have deleted his number and have no way of contacting him. I'm absolutely gutted as I liked him so much but I'm moving on, I'm sure I will meet someone in the future that I will like just as much.

OP posts:

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:08

And things are even more tricky because, due to IVF and donors, women who can remotely afford it have the option of having kids without having to have a relationship.

(Obviously they could do it via ons etc before, but these guys' beef is the lack of "quality" grateful women available as partners to them, when they want to settle.

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:10

Usedanddumped · 18/12/2023 14:07

Whatever the reasons op, - future faking love bombing player ... Or just not feeling it ...he has acted with poor manners and decency and showed his character to be sub standard. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that, because the second they no longer want you, you're on the receiving end of that.

There are many many possible partners for us in the world. You have the right approach.

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:12

Oh and beware him popping up again through some means ...when it's a slow week for him.

Or when you don't chase after him/aren't available any more so you start to look more desirable (probably temporarily) to his flaky little ego.

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 14:21

@rorret
If you never want a good long term relationship then sure ..have lots of casual sex.

Of course , there are exceptions, some women manage to have a good marriage despite high 'body counts' - but that's the exception and not the rule.

Your language is poor.

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:26

despite high 'body counts

You sound like an incel, red piller male.

What's brought you to Mumsnet to lecture women?

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:29

but that's the exception and not the rule.

It's not actually.

Most men haven't got a fkg clue about their SO's past history (and vice versa).

Two of the most, ahem, uninhibited women I know have quality partners - wealthy, stable, in one case 7 years younger, a fireman and haawt.

And the double figure women I know are coupled up too.

jannier · 18/12/2023 14:41

Sounds like you both wanted sex but he found out that there was no way forward as a relationship.....either accept hook ups or wait until you know there's more than a physical attraction

Shodan · 18/12/2023 14:52

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 14:21

@rorret
If you never want a good long term relationship then sure ..have lots of casual sex.

Of course , there are exceptions, some women manage to have a good marriage despite high 'body counts' - but that's the exception and not the rule.

Your language is poor.

I've read a lot of stupid things on Mumsnet over the years and this is now added to that collection.

If the man you're seeing is the type to be bothered by a 'high body count' (and who is the judge of that number, I wonder?) then he is clearly of limited intellect and emotional stability.

Good men don't think that way, thank goodness.

And, if you're the type of woman who thinks that way- you need to stop associating with men like those I've mentioned above. Narrow-mindedness is unattractive to decent men.

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 16:19

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 14:26

despite high 'body counts

You sound like an incel, red piller male.

What's brought you to Mumsnet to lecture women?

I don't have to agree with you. You can simply disagree.

I don't think men with high body counts are attractive either.

But I'm pretty tired of women bitching about shit partners / fathers of their children. When they chose to have children with them.

Ladolcevita233 · 18/12/2023 16:52

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 16:19

I don't have to agree with you. You can simply disagree.

I don't think men with high body counts are attractive either.

But I'm pretty tired of women bitching about shit partners / fathers of their children. When they chose to have children with them.

Show quote history

Ah you're moving onto women's choice of fathers for their kids now.

Previously it was women having sex early ish in relationships.... Which at least had some tenuous link to this thread.

Now you appear to be just derailing with a general scattergun critique of "women".

If you're tired of it, you don't have to listen to them. Who's forcing you?

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 17:10

@Ladolcevita233 having sex with people you don't know well or aren't in a relationship with means you're more likely to be a single mother. So- they're linked.

Diamonde · 18/12/2023 17:26

Jellyx · 18/12/2023 17:10

@Ladolcevita233 having sex with people you don't know well or aren't in a relationship with means you're more likely to be a single mother. So- they're linked.

Er not really. It's extremely common to have casual sex and 99% do not ever get pregnant.

You're more likely to be a single mother because your relationship broke down, or other more personal issues.

This is just a lazy trope that people use to bash single mothers. Must have been shagging around so it's her own fault.

The only way they're 'linked' is that you need sex to become a mother.

Wednesday6 · 18/12/2023 17:26

Maybe it started genuinely for him but then he realized you're not a good match?

SoySaucePls · 18/12/2023 21:05

Well done OP. You’re being pragmatic even though it’s painful and moving on. He’s a player by the sounds of things so in the end you’ve had a lucky escape. At least he only strung you along for a bit, not for months and months. At least you are free now to find someone more trustworthy, more honest.

There are some lovely men out there, I’m certain. I hope next time you’re more lucky. 🍀

Indifferentchickenwings · 18/12/2023 21:16

having sex with people you don't know well or aren't in a relationship with means you're more likely to be a single mother. So- they're linked

this is the most flawed logic I’ve seen here 😂

i know many single mums . Funnily enough none of them are because of wanton casual sex

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