Page 4 | Used for sex, should I send him a nasty message or just forget him.

Usedanddumped · 2023-12-17T17:00:44+00:00

It's just dawned on me these last few days that I have been used for sex. I was seeing a guy for a month and he was a total charmer, buying me gifts , talking about the next few months etc , we had sex a couple of times , it was good, lots of chemistry, but after the last time, he has slowly but surely disappeared within a week. I am so annoyed as I had mentioned to him that this had happened to me before and he said he would never do anything like that. I feel like such an idiot and I really liked him as well.. I can't believe he faked the whole thing to get his leg over basically. Should I send him a really nasty message , like, thanks for being so blatant and using me for sex etc or should I just take it on the chin, delete his number and move on? I'm actually angry and feel like punishing him somehow, I think sending him a message like that telling him I know what he's done, would make me feel better. What do you think?

Bluela18 · 17/12/2023 21:20

No way!! Don't message , head up smile and move on happily. He obviously wasn't for you. He doesn't deserve a message or knowing that you are bothered in any way

Lovemusic82 · 17/12/2023 21:24

I wouldn’t bother sending any message. This seems to happen a lot sadly, has happened to me a couple times, men seem to like the chase and then once they have got what they want they back off, there’s always a chance her will reappear in a few weeks when he needs sex, so don’t let him. Block him and move on.

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 21:26

Pugdays · 17/12/2023 17:15

Do men not like the thrill of the chase any more ...
I don't know ,I've only slept with my husband and I made him wait until we were engaged.
All my friends at uni were sleeping about , having a great time ,I just knew that wasn't for me ,I d feel used if I did that .
Like I say to my daughter,it's about having standards for yourself.respecting yourself.
You can't know someone after a month ,maybe next wait longer ,and if they won't wait untill your ready ,then they were always going to end things after they slept with u

Fucking hell 😂😂😂

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 21:29

ChateauDuMont · 17/12/2023 19:47

Unfortunately many men want to have sex with women and will say anything and buy gifts in the pursuit of having sex.

When a woman obliges so quickly (you've only known him a month) then he will have his way and move on sharpish.

There is no need to write him a nasty message as you gave yourself up to him freely and the thoughts you are now having about him not being serious are the ones you should have been thinking before you pulled down your knickers.

The only message should be you writing to yourself to say that meeting someone with a view to having a real relationship you must get to know them properly before becoming intimate with them.

If you want one night stands or casual sex then of course that's entirely different but it appears that you were looking to have a relationship.

When a woman ‘obliges so quickly’?!!

You can really spot those who really haven’t been on the dating scene for aeons on this thread 😂

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 21:34

I’m actually quite bothered by the posts from all the naive, out-of-date posters on here who seem to believe men have all the power in relationships when it comes to sex.

All this hideous use of ‘have his way with you’ and ‘give yourself up to him’ and worst of all (for being degrading and reducing a woman to something silly) ‘before you pulled down your knickers’…

Fuck sake. Women have agency. Women like sex. Some men are bastards.

We don’t need to be peeking out from behind fans for 14 years before a man is trustworthy enough to get a glimpse of our dainty little ankles. faints.

Mistymist · 17/12/2023 21:35

I wouldn't send him anything, but if he ever messages again, just tell him to do one.

Silverbirchtwo · 17/12/2023 21:41

Ignore him, it didn't work out, don't give him the pleasure of knowing that you are hurt.

Thatswhy11 · 17/12/2023 21:55

@Pugdays I think balance is key. In your case it was luck. How long exactly did you make your partner wait? I'm not sure that is the answer either. It's about intentions and spotting the signs... also you have to voice what you are looking for along the way and establish it from the off!

I've had a ONS once and it lasted we ended up staying together. If someone is genuine they are genuine. Simple as that!

swuahies · 17/12/2023 22:07

Frasers · 17/12/2023 21:15

I don’t get these answers or the ops thoughts at all.

it’s totally normal to start dating someone, it progresses to sex, and one or other thinks they don’t want to go any further.

it doesn’t mean it was some odd play to get laid. Not for a month, Jesus if he just wants to get laid.there are easier ways,

they dated, it didn’t work end of

Agree with all this but he could at least have the decency to communicate with her instead of ghosting 🤷🏻‍♀️

bananablues · 17/12/2023 22:27

at least have the decency to communicate with her

precisely which is why a short, concise message back from the OP saying 'game over, I'm done' will get the two messages across. Ghosting is just bit pathetic.

Zanatdy · 17/12/2023 22:29

Block. Block. Block

TheAverageJoanne · 17/12/2023 23:00

Thatswhy11 · 17/12/2023 21:55

@Pugdays I think balance is key. In your case it was luck. How long exactly did you make your partner wait? I'm not sure that is the answer either. It's about intentions and spotting the signs... also you have to voice what you are looking for along the way and establish it from the off!

I've had a ONS once and it lasted we ended up staying together. If someone is genuine they are genuine. Simple as that!

That wasn't a one night stand at all!

Namechange666 · 17/12/2023 23:31

ChateauDuMont · 17/12/2023 19:47

Unfortunately many men want to have sex with women and will say anything and buy gifts in the pursuit of having sex.

When a woman obliges so quickly (you've only known him a month) then he will have his way and move on sharpish.

There is no need to write him a nasty message as you gave yourself up to him freely and the thoughts you are now having about him not being serious are the ones you should have been thinking before you pulled down your knickers.

The only message should be you writing to yourself to say that meeting someone with a view to having a real relationship you must get to know them properly before becoming intimate with them.

If you want one night stands or casual sex then of course that's entirely different but it appears that you were looking to have a relationship.

Wtf is this message?

Full on blaming woman eh. Pulling down her knickers. He also pulled down his pants.

Feck off with your slut shaming.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 23:51

Usedanddumped · 17/12/2023 17:11

@Blinkityblonk yes I'm also of the opinion that I don't need to wait for commitment to have sex, if I feel I have chemistry and want to do it with someone then I will. I slept with a guy before on the second date and we were together for 2 years.
I'm just finding it annoying and a little bit coincidental that after the second time we had sex that he started to do the slow fade.

He would have done it the first time if he just wanted to add a notch to his bed post. Maybe he's just not that bothered about having a relationship or one with you, sorry.

I always find that as women we are very logical until we have sex then we get attached and our hormones and emotions take over. Whereas men are totally hormonal and sex focused until they do it, and after doing it start to use logic to think if they want a relationship. Unfair and it hurts but it's life and it's happened to the best of us!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 23:52

Pugdays · 17/12/2023 17:15

Do men not like the thrill of the chase any more ...
I don't know ,I've only slept with my husband and I made him wait until we were engaged.
All my friends at uni were sleeping about , having a great time ,I just knew that wasn't for me ,I d feel used if I did that .
Like I say to my daughter,it's about having standards for yourself.respecting yourself.
You can't know someone after a month ,maybe next wait longer ,and if they won't wait untill your ready ,then they were always going to end things after they slept with u

You do you but that's bad advice for your daughters. I don't think men not being willing to wait until engagement to have sex means they would always have left as soon as they've slept with a woman. I also don't think that having sex with someone implies a lack of respect for oneself - this is 'the purity myth'

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 23:54

Ps can you imagine if you decided after a month or two dating and a couple of nights with someone that you didn't want to pursue a relationship and the man told you you'd been using him
(For sex or company or lifts or dinners or anything else) you'd think he was a butter

theduchessofspork · 17/12/2023 23:55

It sounds like it just fizzled out.

Just move on.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 23:55

IF you wanted to send a message I would say ' I felt hurt that you ghosted after we spent so much time together and had an intimate connection- totally fair if you don't want to pursue things but telling
Me directly would have felt more respectful'

LinneM · 17/12/2023 23:58

FedUpMumof10YO · 17/12/2023 17:02

Don't sleep with someone so quickly if you want commitment.

No just leave it.

Lesson learned.

You can sleep with someone on the first date and have a committed relationship. Sex doesn’t have anything to do with it. It just sounds like he didn’t have the same vision as OP and was a bullshitter

theduchessofspork · 17/12/2023 23:58

ChateauDuMont · 17/12/2023 19:47

Unfortunately many men want to have sex with women and will say anything and buy gifts in the pursuit of having sex.

When a woman obliges so quickly (you've only known him a month) then he will have his way and move on sharpish.

There is no need to write him a nasty message as you gave yourself up to him freely and the thoughts you are now having about him not being serious are the ones you should have been thinking before you pulled down your knickers.

The only message should be you writing to yourself to say that meeting someone with a view to having a real relationship you must get to know them properly before becoming intimate with them.

If you want one night stands or casual sex then of course that's entirely different but it appears that you were looking to have a relationship.

Well if you have sex early (not that a month in is especially early) sometimes it will turn info a relationship and sometimes it won’t.

Dating is just a numbers game.

theduchessofspork · 18/12/2023 00:01

Pugdays · 17/12/2023 17:15

Do men not like the thrill of the chase any more ...
I don't know ,I've only slept with my husband and I made him wait until we were engaged.
All my friends at uni were sleeping about , having a great time ,I just knew that wasn't for me ,I d feel used if I did that .
Like I say to my daughter,it's about having standards for yourself.respecting yourself.
You can't know someone after a month ,maybe next wait longer ,and if they won't wait untill your ready ,then they were always going to end things after they slept with u

Having standard for yourself is not the same as not wanting to have casual sex.

Epidote · 18/12/2023 00:03

OP you can't punish someone who doesn't care about you with text or calls. He doesn't care, you will be only a mild nuisance.
Delete his number, forget about him and be as happy as Larry that you have dodge a bullet soonner than later.

TheOGCCL · 18/12/2023 00:07

I don’t think contacting him again would make you feel all that much better. I think in time you’d be glad you didn’t. It probably won’t affect him either way. For whatever reason that’s it for him. I wouldn’t respond if he gets in touch further down the line.

It is hard when you’ve had an intimate relationship - not just the sex but the chatting and spending 121 time together, it can be intense and it creates happy chemicals and then it’s gone. I’d just chalk it up to experience.

SoySaucePls · 18/12/2023 00:14

I don’t like receiving gifts early on.

Makes me suspicious of exactly this sort of thing.

No doubt he’s bought an Alex Tate video or similar about how to bed girls. Unfortunately there’s a big market in this of saying and doing just the right things to get women into bed. Maybe watch a few so you learn the tricks and lines. There’s a ton on YouTube. Not sure if Tate is on there but plenty of others are.

OP watch out for the charmers bearing gifts. They’re often not what they seem.

Mornusting · 18/12/2023 00:15

He won't care what you have to say so save yourself the bother.