Hand hold please- I'm finally finally doing it

[takeasadsongandmakeitbetter]

Just looking for some support and a handhold please
Been with soon to be ex for about 12 years, 2 DC, we own our house equally with a mortgage.

I have been unhappy for so long, he just isn't kind to me, or fair, and has always been very tight with money- to the point I had to save up to go on maternity leave with both children and fully fund my share of bills etc whilst on SMP.

I have tried to end this relationship time after time but he has made it impossible - i was heavily pregnant / I had a small baby and nowhere to go and no money / he told me no one would have me / my family didn't care etc etc

I am and always have been in a relatively good job but my new job has given me financial security and independence

2 weeks ago I finally did it - told him it was over and I've stuck to it- he was angry and unkind at first, then sad and implying he would hurt himself, now just out with friends most days and ignoring me.

Initially he said I couldn't move out as it wasn't fair on the children to move them out of their home etc etc

He ha finally agreed to me moving out.

I have found a holiday rental from Jan, can pay the deposit and first month upfront and can afford it moving forward.

He will not leave the house, will not pay maintenance and will not really talk about selling the house (we have about 200k equity)

I am wobbling

This is HARD. I am TIRED. I am WORN down

I need to pay the deposit and just do it. I know if I don't I will be miserable and will be here again and again. I'm also aware that my friends and family probably think I'm ridiculous as a year ago we announced we were separating and then tried again.

I know this is 100000% the right thing but I'm scared.

Well done, onwards and upwards and upwards.

When he's crying, it's because he is not in control any more, revel in taking back control of your life.

You sound incredibly brave to me. Well done for finally doing it. It sounds lile you and the kids will be a lot better off.

Bloody well done OP, another stranger on the internet very much rooting for you.

OP, another stranger on the internet applauding your strength. It’s been over 20 years since my world fell apart when I found out about Ex H affair. Not gonna lie, things were very tough for a year. He even sent me flowers and a romantic card on Valentine’s Day, which was six months after he’d moved in with the OW! He was also very vindictive and refused to pay a penny towards his children, I had to go to court even though he was in a professional job. He tried to tell his friends that I was the one having an affair (with two young children and a full time job 😂)But eventually things settled down, I moved on and I’ve been happily married to a lovely supportive man for the last 15 years. If Ex hadn’t left, my life would have been so much harder. You’ve done yourself a favour by leaving, you know in your heart that it’s the right thing for you and life will only get better for you from now on. Stay strong, you’ll get through like so many of us on here have. Wishing you all the best for your new future.

You're amazing op!!! Have been thinking of you all day. Well done!!! Enjoy that sausage roll wreath and champagne!!

Good luck!

@Kwasi sending you all the love and strength- from the other side (just) you can do this and it feels so good!!

Reading all your messages and feeling so relieved and so strong and so bloody happy! Drinking champagne in my new bath and full of sausage roll 😂

Congratulations and happy new year

Yes!!!! Bloody well done. You did it!

Be prepared that after the rush wears off you might feel a bit wobbly, be ready to lean on your lovely friends a bit over the next few days, and remember this feeling. Congratulations on your new life!

Congratulations and well done OP! I've been thinking about you today and hoping that everything went to plan. Here's to a happy 2024 for you and your DC.

We knew you could do it! Always here with a hand hold, so many strangers, wishing you well and sending congratulations your strength is inspiring. 🌺

Congrats @takeasadsongandmakeitbetter , HNY xx

Well done. New year, new challenges, new life waiting to be carved out.

I'm a bit late to the party, but you have been brilliant. All the very best for the future.

I’ve just found this thread and am applauding you 👏🏻 you are amazing and I’m so happy for you and your children!
Happy new year x

So glad you made it OP, you should be so bloody proud of yourself! You're not daft enough to think this is the end of all your troubles with him but whatever he throws at you now will at least be from a distance and you will have time and space away from him to deal with it.

Make your new place a sanctuary from his chaos, let him nowhere near it and make sure you control any necessary communication as much as possible so he doesn't keep intruding on your peace. I hope you're having the best nights sleep of your life right now, happy new year to you and DC

A toast to you! Your life is going to feel so amazing! 🍾

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You are amazing! Well done!

I’m so so pleased for you! You are IN your new life. It won’t always be easy but it will always be better than the alternative. Don’t let your ex over the threshold if you can possibly help it. Boundaries are going to be important. For now relax and give yourself a massive pat on the back x

Congratulations!! Enjoy your new life 🥂

You are amazing OP
HAPPY NEW YEAR - may it be the best ever! 🥂

Oh you wonderful woman! Good on you!
I'm so glad you've wriggled free of the grasping, slimey, manipulative snake!

Congrats on your new home.
Enjoy your new freedoms!

Don't ever go back. Make sure to stay on top of finding the next new home so that you don't end up stuck for a place to stay again when this lease runs out.

Be prepared, it's not rare for his sort to threaten self harm around this time. If he does this, do not engage, simply inform his family they need to check on him. Or, call the police and let them decide if he's a time waster or not.

Don't let him into your new home. Do any child pick ups and drop offs outside. Or even better, in a public place.

Oh congratulations, OP.

You brave, inspirational lady.

My friend and I sat and read the whole thread tonight. It's given her the courage to leave her abusive DH. She will start getting her ducks in a row tomorrow. It wouldn't have happened without this thread and your strength.

Thank you x