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Original poster

Hand hold please- I'm finally finally doing it

513 replies

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 12/12/2023 20:13

Just looking for some support and a handhold please
Been with soon to be ex for about 12 years, 2 DC, we own our house equally with a mortgage.

I have been unhappy for so long, he just isn't kind to me, or fair, and has always been very tight with money- to the point I had to save up to go on maternity leave with both children and fully fund my share of bills etc whilst on SMP.

I have tried to end this relationship time after time but he has made it impossible - i was heavily pregnant / I had a small baby and nowhere to go and no money / he told me no one would have me / my family didn't care etc etc

I am and always have been in a relatively good job but my new job has given me financial security and independence

2 weeks ago I finally did it - told him it was over and I've stuck to it- he was angry and unkind at first, then sad and implying he would hurt himself, now just out with friends most days and ignoring me.

Initially he said I couldn't move out as it wasn't fair on the children to move them out of their home etc etc

He ha finally agreed to me moving out.

I have found a holiday rental from Jan, can pay the deposit and first month upfront and can afford it moving forward.

He will not leave the house, will not pay maintenance and will not really talk about selling the house (we have about 200k equity)

I am wobbling

This is HARD. I am TIRED. I am WORN down

I need to pay the deposit and just do it. I know if I don't I will be miserable and will be here again and again. I'm also aware that my friends and family probably think I'm ridiculous as a year ago we announced we were separating and then tried again.

I know this is 100000% the right thing but I'm scared.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2023 12:57

https://images.app.goo.gl/2ExFKpu63T57fFX8A

That is just a gif of the famous scene from The Godfather “Leave the gun, take the canolli.” Leave the sausage roll.

https://images.app.goo.gl/2ExFKpu63T57fFX8A

Pumpkinpie1 · 31/12/2023 14:10

You’re nearly free OP x keep going the champagne is almost in sight x

Thatnameistaken · 31/12/2023 15:09

None of his tears are for you or your children or the way he's treated you. He's crying because his cushy life is going to change, he's crying for himself.
If you get a minute listen to this song, although he should be listening too, it's perfect for what is happening in your life now.
Keep strong.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=6B2RQQyEHx2SNeel&v=qaQI_-N2cbY&feature=youtu.be

James - Runaground

Best of James: https://goo.gl/iiEtLzSubscribe here: https://goo.gl/jkJg9uMusic video by James performing Runaground. (C) 1998 Mercury Records Limited

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&si=6B2RQQyEHx2SNeel&v=qaQI_-N2cbY

HarrietStyles · 31/12/2023 17:55

Been thinking about you today @takeasadsongandmakeitbetter I hope you are in the new house now and you are feeling okay. I will raise a champagne tonight to you and the kids future 🍾

Original poster
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 31/12/2023 18:18

Me and the youngest are in, beds all made up 80% of why I wanted to bring is here and half unpacked, I've been shopping, bought wine and champagne and chocolate and icecream. Baby is in the bath, candles lit.

I'm exhausted and doubt I'll even open any wine and be in bed by 8.

Today was hard, my friends were amazing.
He rocked up with both kids about an hour into me trying to pack up and move- he couldn't even give me a couple of hours.

It was horrific.

But- I did it. I'm here. I left the bastard

OP posts:
Needapadlockonmyfridge · 31/12/2023 18:20

Congratulations!
You did it.

Here's to a bastard-free 2024 xx

Dinkydoo17 · 31/12/2023 18:22

I feel a bit emosh for you! You bloody star. You. Did. It. I'm on my own tonight as my DC are with my XH but I will be drinking a toast to you and your DC for much happier times ahead 💪🏻

GreyBlackLove · 31/12/2023 18:23

Congratulations and well done. You're amazing!

Thatnameistaken · 31/12/2023 18:26

I'm going to get my toffee vodka out of the cupboard, pour some into a glass with ice and raise it to you 🍷
This thread should be shown to all those women who think that it can't be done, you've proved that it can and we're all behind you ❤️

LaurieStrode · 31/12/2023 18:30

Congratulations and all the best for a Happy New Year!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/12/2023 18:33

I have waited all day for this update, and it's brought tears to my eyes.

YOU DID IT !!!

' This is HARD. I am TIRED. I am WORN down '

It WAS hard, you are tired you were worn down

BUT

just keep remembering

YOU HAVE DONE IT !!!

Outforlunchallday · 31/12/2023 18:33

You did leave the bastard. You bloody well done it.
Well done you marvellous woman.

pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2023 18:33

What a wonderful start to the New Year! What an incredible anniversary to have given yourself! 🍾🎈🎊🎉

Tootytoot78 · 31/12/2023 18:39

Just wanted to wish you a Happy and peaceful 2024, and to congratulate you on your strength and commitment on making a new life for you and your DCs.
Please post an update on NYE 2024!

Original poster
takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 31/12/2023 18:42

Every single one of your encouraging and kind words has helped me every step of the way.
Thank you.
For those just checking in to see the sausage roll I attach my last meal of 2023.
All your celebrations have made me realise no matter how tired I am- if there was ever a time for champagne - it's now!! 🍾

Hand hold please- I'm finally finally doing it
OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 31/12/2023 18:46

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

HalebiHabibti · 31/12/2023 18:48

Well done lovely! A stranger on the Internet is very proud of you :)

Sux2buthen · 31/12/2023 18:52

Happy new year 🥳

Kwasi · 31/12/2023 19:03

Happy new year! I have shed a tear of joy for you.

I am just starting a similar journey. I can't wait to get back to work on Tuesday and make some phone calls.

MoonieDoo · 31/12/2023 19:05

Congratulations! Happy New Year in your new home!

Chonkadoodle · 31/12/2023 19:10

Proud of you OP. Keep going!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 31/12/2023 19:22

Well done! Raising a glass to you, @takeasadsongandmakeitbetter for a wonderful 2024. You really are acting out your username 😁

blorm · 31/12/2023 19:27

Congrats!!

madroid · 31/12/2023 19:32

Bloody marvellous!!😁 Well done OP💪👏

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