Son smashed my NEW fridge freezer and is out of control!

[motorwayrain]

I am extremely down in the dumps and life is pure hell for me and my two younger kids too.

My oldest (son) 16 is an absolute nightmare right now. He was in trouble with the police during the summer and when he started his GCSE year in September he was expelled for fighting and calling a teacher racist names.

I have started to lose my hair. He's extremely threatening towards me. The other day he got right in my face shouting like full on top of his voice f*g and blinding.

Last night the owner of the local asian takeaway knocked on my door saying I should come to the shop. I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. He took me to his shop and the food counter window was smashed and he said my son done it (he knows me because I've ordered from him in past).

Then the shop full of men started talking about me in their own language and I certainly didn't need a translator to know what they were saying..

The owner said "You are lucky you know me and if you just pay for the damages I won't call police".

Essentially my son and his mates had gone in took food , didn't pay and started being racist and hurled a chair into this guy's food counter smashing glass and ruining food under.

I confronted my son this afternoon (after he'd been out all night). My American style fridge freezer which I had saved up for and we were all looking forward to for xmas arrived.

As usual he started going red and you can literally see steam coming out of his ear before at the top of his voice starts shouting at me. I try standing my ground but he's a large built lad but I'm absolutely petrified but try not to show it when he squares up. my son and daughter both younger run and hide when he kicks off.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed the fridge freezer and smashed it on the floor by pulling it over !! I went in running and he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed.

I'm in tears as I write this. He stormed out slamming the front door (which is coming off the hinges)

Any advice please, my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together. My other friend who said he needs help.

You use quite violent language, such as describing how your brother's build should intimidate your son. And now this.

I agree with other posters, nothing you say or do now will stop him, it's gone on too long, you need to involve the police.

If my sister told me this story, I’d call her local police force myself and report it.

I'm so sorry OP, you must be in shock and pain. It's terrible to see your own child deteriorate like this, I know because I've been there.

My son too took me on a joyride peppered with police visits, trouble at school and violent outbursts.

Yours is more severe though. The racism is very troubling and you have to wonder where that has come from. He's in a very bad place indeed.

You do need to prioritise your safety and as he is violent and unpredictable I think you need to get police help now. They have a family harm unit that will be best placed to handle this.

I agree that it sounds like your son is using drugs so that's another complexity.

It's tough but all is not lost. He has you and presumably the experience of a loving family and that is a huge plus; so many kids have literally no-one and nothing.

I think he needs to be reported for criminal damage and that way your son will be faced with the seriousness of what he has done, and both you and the takeaway man can claim on insurance. Though the takeaway man may be frightened of retaliation.

I involved police, a specialist help service for teenage boys, addiction services and mental health services. The whole time I kept the lines of communication open though there were days that I really struggled to do that.

We seem to be through it now; he's cut his drug use right back, he's studying hard and looking for a part time job. Even better, there have been no violent outbursts for 3.months.

I wish every support for you.

Call the police
Call the police
Call the police

He has lost control, you have lost control of him, and he needs to be stopped now.

Report the damage to the shop to the police.
Report his assault on you.
Report the threats/destruction of your new refrigerator.

You have received plenty of good advice on here OP.

Being a good mother is not covering up for your son so he can continue to be a violent, racist thug who thinks it is okay to headbutt his own mother. He has so far received no consequence of any significance for his criminal behaviour.

Why prioritise him so much above the others? How on earth has it got this far?

Better he gets a short time inside now and learns from it than you continue to let him get away with it and his crimes escalate, what about your other children? PROTECT THEM! You aren’t helping him or doing him any favours by getting uncle to have a little chat- that won’t help. Yes he’s your son, yes you lone him, then show that by doing what’s best. Be cruel to be kind and show some tough love. He might thank you for it one day. Letting him off is not for his own good!

What an Xmas this has turned out to Be. I'll have to uninvite people then and sort this mess out.
I'm hoping my brother takes him out just them two to talk "man to man" chat as it were. That's providing he's home and engages.
I'll contact some friends and numbers and see if they can help. I'll try the GP tomorrow and see if anger management classes can be arranged.
As a parent I've got to try everything

Everything apart from calling the police I guess

You are endangering your other children.

Stop minimising this. He's not going to respond to a chat with his uncle.

You need to deal with this appropriately. If something happens and it transpires that you've known how dangerous he is but kept him at home, you're in danger of your other children being taken off you.

@YouBelongWithMe He is a violent thug who is a danger to your household.

…. and to the public.

If you fail to report him then you are telling him that it's okay to continue to be a racist, violent thug towards people, and there are no consequences.
He is also teaching his younger siblings how to behave. Don't be surprised if they follow his example as they get older.
You are not being a good parent by covering for him to save face at the expense of his siblings. What will your brother do? Come down and threaten him? give him a hiding? what exactly will that teach him? That you solve problems with violence.
This is messed up. your thinking is messed up. You are willing to sacrifice your younger children for the sake of this violent thug.

Honestly why have you posted this if you’re not going to listen to the advice of everyone saying call the fucking police!

You are more likely to lose your children if you don’t call the police and protect them from your eldest.

I can’t believe you think they deserve to have to live like this.

Now your making excuses for him. Did his friends make him head butt you in the face? Did his friends make his smash up your home? He is responsible for his actions. Your poor little baby isn't being led astray.

Well avoid calling the police then. But your younger will end up being removed from your care if you continue to avoid the police.

If your children mention anything at school tomorrow there will be a call to Social services and they will be taken into care to protect them. No man to man talk will sort this out and you are not being realistic. What if he kills you or hurts one of your other children? They can’t be replaced. You are a bad parent by putting him first. If I knew you I would call the police now. He has to face the consequences of his actions and you covering it up won’t do this.

Oh, and your friends and neighbours will most likely know what's going on. He smashed up a local takeaway with customers there, the owner knows you, and people do talk.
They will judge you more for not taking any action.

i hope you are making this stuff up. Because if not, then you desperately need to pull your head out of the sand.

A nice chat with your brother. A chat with some friends. Maybe a call to the GP. And the main worry being Christmas being a bit crap.

it’s way beyond that. I hope your brother has the sense to just call the police.

Wish I can do this. Well done you.
The takeaway guy was like "oh he's a teenager and they get angry" but he did say he shouldn't ever come in his shop again without me.
I'm all over the place. Ruin Xmas for my two younger kids by cancelling everything?

Tbh, in this situation, the best outcome would be social services intervention.

For all the children. Because this OP is not parenting in any way effectively. She’s worrying about what it’ll look like if she cancels Christmas invitations and making excuses rather than taking action to kee everyone safe.

He should be in jail or youth custody.

I can't believe this 'stern talking to' nonsense. Seriously? if that's all that happens he will get the message that non-one is prepared to stop him.

Who said cancel Christmas?!? People have said don’t let Christmas stop you reporting your son for assaulting you.

@motorwayrain "he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed."

This sounds like when my son was 6 months old and he lifted his head unexpectedly.

Your son didn't hit his forehead on your nose. He headbutted you. Say what it is.

Call the police. You said your younger two ran away when they saw what was happening . They look on you to protect them and if you couldn't even protect yourself when he head butted you , they will be very scared for themselves as well as you . Again , call the police .