Page 4 | Son smashed my NEW fridge freezer and is out of control!

motorwayrain · 2023-12-10T18:49:57+00:00

I am extremely down in the dumps and life is pure hell for me and my two younger kids too. My oldest (son) 16 is an absolute nightmare right now. He was in trouble with the police during the summer and when he started his GCSE year in September he was expelled for fighting and calling a teacher racist names. I have started to lose my hair. He's extremely threatening towards me. The other day he got right in my face shouting like full on top of his voice f***g and blinding. Last night the owner of the local asian takeaway knocked on my door saying I should come to the shop. I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. He took me to his shop and the food counter window was smashed and he said my son done it (he knows me because I've ordered from him in past). Then the shop full of men started talking about me in their own language and I certainly didn't need a translator to know what they were saying.. The owner said "You are lucky you know me and if you just pay for the damages I won't call police". Essentially my son and his mates had gone in took food , didn't pay and started being racist and hurled a chair into this guy's food counter smashing glass and ruining food under. I confronted my son this afternoon (after he'd been out all night). My American style fridge freezer which I had saved up for and we were all looking forward to for xmas arrived. As usual he started going red and you can literally see steam coming out of his ear before at the top of his voice starts shouting at me. I try standing my ground but he's a large built lad but I'm absolutely petrified but try not to show it when he squares up. my son and daughter both younger run and hide when he kicks off. He went into the kitchen and grabbed the fridge freezer and smashed it on the floor by pulling it over !! I went in running and he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed. I'm in tears as I write this. He stormed out slamming the front door (which is coming off the hinges) Any advice please, my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together. My other friend who said he needs help.

Justtobeclear · 10/12/2023 19:34

You need to call the police. He needs consequences bigger than you as a parent can issue. You also need to demonstrate to your other children that violence from someone you love is NEVER acceptable regardless of your relationship/biology. You/he/they need to seek the right support to come out of this without (anymore) long term psychological damage.

Original poster

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 19:34

Gosh do many responses thanks all did not expect this many. I'll answer ones people put.
Dad's can't be traced most likely abroad somewhere.
My brother was absolutely furious when I watsupped him and saw everything he had done. He said he'll come down from Scotland right this week and finish work early (he was coming anyway with his family for Xmas)
I'll ask him to give him a good talking to and I'd like to see him try it on with my brother an ex rugby player and built like a shit brick house.
His education now that's another issue. I sometimes have dropped him off at this unit. An absolute horrible looking place with characters hanging around and then I start work. But it's not consistent attendance and I think he goes off site and they don't attend everyday.
Omg drugs ! I have no idea about this world.
Right now the issue is clearing the kitchen mess as glass and shards of the destroyed fridge are everywhere and getting fresh goods for the youngests breakfasts in morning. I'll get them a Macdonald's.
Then finding some muscle to help clear it.
My nose is ok, bruised and blood did come out and it's clotted thankfully but work will notice it.
Now the takeaway owner is dead nice and his son. They said it's no hurry repaying the glass.
People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

OP posts:

GrazingSheep · 10/12/2023 19:36

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

Your son may well assault another person and seriously injure them.
Your younger children need to be protected from him. You seem unable to see that.

adultchildofalcoholicparents · 10/12/2023 19:36

OP, NHS advice is as follows.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/teen-aggression-and-arguments/

There are links to helplines that might be helpful.

I hope that there is some useful support for you.

Teen aggression and arguments

Advice on how to cope with heated arguments with your teenager, and what to do if they become violent.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/teen-aggression-and-arguments#:~:text=Let%20your%20teenager%20know%20that,the%20right%20to%20protect%20yourself.

Northernsouloldies · 10/12/2023 19:37

No they won't take your other children. Phone the police. Your brother can't do much if he lives in Scotland and your son will know that.

rhianfitz · 10/12/2023 19:37

Call the police, you need to keep yourself and your other children safe xxxx sounds so tough

BreatheAndFocus · 10/12/2023 19:37

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

Only if you allow a violent abusive teen to stay in your house threatening the safety of your other children….

Blondebutnotlegally · 10/12/2023 19:37

Keeping the family together? You and your children are petrified. The only one who benefits from this is him. Who deserves safety and comfort more, your violent son or his poor siblings? You need to call the police. This is horrendous.

CyberCritical · 10/12/2023 19:38

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 19:34

Gosh do many responses thanks all did not expect this many. I'll answer ones people put.
Dad's can't be traced most likely abroad somewhere.
My brother was absolutely furious when I watsupped him and saw everything he had done. He said he'll come down from Scotland right this week and finish work early (he was coming anyway with his family for Xmas)
I'll ask him to give him a good talking to and I'd like to see him try it on with my brother an ex rugby player and built like a shit brick house.
His education now that's another issue. I sometimes have dropped him off at this unit. An absolute horrible looking place with characters hanging around and then I start work. But it's not consistent attendance and I think he goes off site and they don't attend everyday.
Omg drugs ! I have no idea about this world.
Right now the issue is clearing the kitchen mess as glass and shards of the destroyed fridge are everywhere and getting fresh goods for the youngests breakfasts in morning. I'll get them a Macdonald's.
Then finding some muscle to help clear it.
My nose is ok, bruised and blood did come out and it's clotted thankfully but work will notice it.
Now the takeaway owner is dead nice and his son. They said it's no hurry repaying the glass.
People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

Edited

Why would they take your other kids away?

You would be taking action to try to make yourself and your children safe, including your oldest son. Contacting the police and seeking help is for his benefit too.

Having your brother come down and intimidate your son is no fix at all. Firstly you can't address violence, with intimidation it doesn't work. Secondly your brother being there is temporary, what about when he leaves?

You need support from people who are there in your area, long term and consistent.

beatrix1234 · 10/12/2023 19:38

You are doing not doing this young man any favour by covering up for his awful behaviour, stop doing that, he needs to learn that actions have consequences. Paying for his damages will stop him from growing up. He needs to grow up, some people learn the hard way and other not so much. Life is like that.

SutWytTi · 10/12/2023 19:38

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent? No. If you ask for help you are demonstrating you are a good parent.

I agree with others, I think you need to take very serious action, this is violent and racist crime, it is incredibly serious.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2023 19:38

I work in the Probation Service and work with men like him. Please please call the police. He won’t get better.

They won’t take your other children away as this will be you making steps to protect them. If you leave them in this volatile and violent situation, someone will get hurt or worse and then they will be taken away! Do the right thing now.

tachetastic · 10/12/2023 19:38

Do not under any circumstances pay the takeaway guy for the damage. Be sympathetic. Say you are very sorry. But explain that your son needs to learn the consequences of his actions and encourage him to call the police. In fact, offer to dial the number.

Your son is not a child. He's on the verge of being a man and he is dangerous. He needs a short, sharp shock now before he does something much more serious.

Fingers crossed you will get a policeman who understands and will scare the shit out of your son and make him think twice about the path he is going down. When everything settles, that is the time to compensate the restaurant owner for his property.

If you don't act now, the next time somebody knocks on the door it might be to tell you he has killed someone and then there is no amount of money that will help. He needs a serious lesson now.

Good luck. It sounds awful.

Original poster

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 19:39

Police did get involved in the summer a few times but it doesn't seem to have stopped him behaving like this. I know he smokes and can sometimes get whiffs of drink.
It's his friends that's what

OP posts:

ButterCupPie · 10/12/2023 19:39

@motorwayrain

my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together.

Your brother is right. Your family is flying apart, you CAN'T keep it together when your son is a violent criminal thug. What he did in the takeaway is a DISGRACE but worst of all is attacking his own mother. He is out of control.

This is not going to get any better. I would call the police, and also ask the shop owner to do the same thing. You will need to change the locks once he is gone.

GrazingSheep · 10/12/2023 19:39

Have you told the police that he has assaulted you.

WowOK · 10/12/2023 19:40

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 19:34

Gosh do many responses thanks all did not expect this many. I'll answer ones people put.
Dad's can't be traced most likely abroad somewhere.
My brother was absolutely furious when I watsupped him and saw everything he had done. He said he'll come down from Scotland right this week and finish work early (he was coming anyway with his family for Xmas)
I'll ask him to give him a good talking to and I'd like to see him try it on with my brother an ex rugby player and built like a shit brick house.
His education now that's another issue. I sometimes have dropped him off at this unit. An absolute horrible looking place with characters hanging around and then I start work. But it's not consistent attendance and I think he goes off site and they don't attend everyday.
Omg drugs ! I have no idea about this world.
Right now the issue is clearing the kitchen mess as glass and shards of the destroyed fridge are everywhere and getting fresh goods for the youngests breakfasts in morning. I'll get them a Macdonald's.
Then finding some muscle to help clear it.
My nose is ok, bruised and blood did come out and it's clotted thankfully but work will notice it.
Now the takeaway owner is dead nice and his son. They said it's no hurry repaying the glass.
People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

Edited

Call them. Don't clean up and ask fur them go come out. It's better now than later. He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. I don't think your a bad mum. I think your sons behaviour is violent and abusive. It's better that it gets dealt with before he does something he can't come back from.

tachetastic · 10/12/2023 19:40

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 19:39

Police did get involved in the summer a few times but it doesn't seem to have stopped him behaving like this. I know he smokes and can sometimes get whiffs of drink.
It's his friends that's what

Yeah, his friends' mums are saying the same about your little angel.

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 19:40

tachetastic · 10/12/2023 19:38

Do not under any circumstances pay the takeaway guy for the damage. Be sympathetic. Say you are very sorry. But explain that your son needs to learn the consequences of his actions and encourage him to call the police. In fact, offer to dial the number.

Your son is not a child. He's on the verge of being a man and he is dangerous. He needs a short, sharp shock now before he does something much more serious.

Fingers crossed you will get a policeman who understands and will scare the shit out of your son and make him think twice about the path he is going down. When everything settles, that is the time to compensate the restaurant owner for his property.

If you don't act now, the next time somebody knocks on the door it might be to tell you he has killed someone and then there is no amount of money that will help. He needs a serious lesson now.

Good luck. It sounds awful.

This.

You need to call the police today.

He is a violent thug who is a danger to your household.

Calling the police is the best form of parenting you can do at this point.

reesewithoutaspoon · 10/12/2023 19:40

The police will arrest your son and charge him.
They may put in a safeguarding referral for your other children,
It's gone beyond you being able to manage this now. he is physically too big and violent.
You can't continue to cover up his behaviour and protect him from the consequences of his actions. You are not doing him or your other children any favours by allowing him to abuse you and frighten them.

ButterCupPie · 10/12/2023 19:40

@motorwayrain

It's his friends that's what

It's him. Please stop making excuses for him.

stomachameleon · 10/12/2023 19:41

Please phone the police. He needs more than your brother talking to him. He needs to see his actions have consequences.
You are doing him no favours by trying to keep this 'in house' and I say that as a Member of staff at once of those 'units'.
Your other children are witnessing this. How bad has it got to get?
And ask the takeaway owner to do the same!

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/12/2023 19:41

BreatheAndFocus · 10/12/2023 19:37

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?

Only if you allow a violent abusive teen to stay in your house threatening the safety of your other children….

This.

Sarahconnor1 · 10/12/2023 19:41

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent?no they won't. But I can guarantee your younger children are terrified and you need to step up and protect them. Keeping your family together at this point means protecting them from your son

SomeCatFromJapan · 10/12/2023 19:41

Police did get involved in the summer a few times but it doesn't seem to have stopped him behaving like this. I know he smokes and can sometimes get whiffs of drink.
It's his friends that's what

I'm afraid that it is your son. His friends didn't stick the head in you and smash your new fridge.
Tbh you sound like you're going to continue letting this happen.