Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Son smashed my NEW fridge freezer and is out of control!

155 replies

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 18:49

I am extremely down in the dumps and life is pure hell for me and my two younger kids too.

My oldest (son) 16 is an absolute nightmare right now. He was in trouble with the police during the summer and when he started his GCSE year in September he was expelled for fighting and calling a teacher racist names.

I have started to lose my hair. He's extremely threatening towards me. The other day he got right in my face shouting like full on top of his voice f*g and blinding.

Last night the owner of the local asian takeaway knocked on my door saying I should come to the shop. I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. He took me to his shop and the food counter window was smashed and he said my son done it (he knows me because I've ordered from him in past).

Then the shop full of men started talking about me in their own language and I certainly didn't need a translator to know what they were saying..

The owner said "You are lucky you know me and if you just pay for the damages I won't call police".

Essentially my son and his mates had gone in took food , didn't pay and started being racist and hurled a chair into this guy's food counter smashing glass and ruining food under.

I confronted my son this afternoon (after he'd been out all night). My American style fridge freezer which I had saved up for and we were all looking forward to for xmas arrived.

As usual he started going red and you can literally see steam coming out of his ear before at the top of his voice starts shouting at me. I try standing my ground but he's a large built lad but I'm absolutely petrified but try not to show it when he squares up. my son and daughter both younger run and hide when he kicks off.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed the fridge freezer and smashed it on the floor by pulling it over !! I went in running and he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed.

I'm in tears as I write this. He stormed out slamming the front door (which is coming off the hinges)

Any advice please, my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together. My other friend who said he needs help.

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 10/12/2023 19:03

You have to call the police. Not least because this is escalating. Are you going to wait until he seriously injures you? Kills you?

titchy · 10/12/2023 19:03

While he's still a juvenile the police can help turn this around. Once he's 18 they won't be able to and he'll end up in prison. Call them now. I'd also ask the takeaway to do the same.

Sussurations · 10/12/2023 19:03

Call the police. Imagine if he had headbutted one of his siblings. I’m not saying that to upset you, but to help you see how serious this is.

Littlebitpsycho · 10/12/2023 19:04

You MUST protect your younger children, living like this isn't fair on them at all.

Call the police. The little shit has made his bed and needs to lie in it

neilyoungismyhero · 10/12/2023 19:04

Nothing to add just to agree with everyone else. He's traumatising you and your other children. To be honest and with all due respect you are enabling this behaviour by doing nothing. He's going to end up killing someone. Ring the police. Get the takeaway guy to do the same.

Dery · 10/12/2023 19:04

“He'll attack you again. Next time it could be much worse. Call the police. You can't handle this on your own. This is a massively out of control situation already.”

This. He’s very physically violent and he head-butted you. He could do permanent physical damage or kill you next time. This is horrible for you, @motorwayrain, but this situation is well beyond your ability to fix. The police can help because once they are dealing with him, other agencies can also get involved.

SkyFullofStars1975 · 10/12/2023 19:04

Your other children deserve a home they feel safe in. So please contact the Police and tell them you need help. He's still a child and this should prompt a multi agency response. Leave it until he's 18 and you'll get nothing.

OhComeOnFFS · 10/12/2023 19:06

Think long-term here and call the police. At the moment he thinks there are no repercussions to his actions. You paid the guys because your son smashed their counter - they should have called the police. Next time it could be even worse as they will be waiting for him and his mates.

Call the police now and say you don't want your son back home. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your other children.

AthenaWhite · 10/12/2023 19:06

Call the police. Do not bail him out in any way, shape or form. Lock the door and bolt it. Do not let him back in. Protect yourself.

RudsyFarmer · 10/12/2023 19:06

I would have told the man in the takeaway to call the police and gone from there. He has now gone from that to further criminal damage and domestic abuse. So not calling the police isn’t working well for you this far.

WannabeMathematician · 10/12/2023 19:07

You deserve to be safe. Please call the police. You can save your relationship with you other children if you protect them. If you don’t they will realise that you chose him over them even though he’s the one who hurts you.

ouchyoubiteybugger · 10/12/2023 19:08

Look I was a shit teen but this is beyond ! Call the police and take your keys away, there is something else at play here. I did pot and coke but I'm laying odds on steroids or tabs with the rage. Protect him by protecting yourself and let the police do what they do best, protect people and him against himself

Northernsouloldies · 10/12/2023 19:08

He is abusive to you and has now taken that abuse out to the wider community ie the takeaway owner. Coppers need to be having a word with the little brat.

Nicole1111 · 10/12/2023 19:09

At the moment there are no consequences for his actions. He can do as he pleases and he has NO motivation to change whatsoever. Calling the police and suggesting he live elsewhere would give him a consequence that might motivate him to change. That doesn’t mean you can’t support him, you can still get him to the gp, tell him you’re there for him etc, it just means you’re setting a boundary for the safety of you and your other children.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 10/12/2023 19:09

I work in a PRU and see angry boys like this all the time. Has he got a male role model? That's key for a lot of these boys, in my experience. Doesn't have to be dad necessarily but a grandad or uncle or somebody similar. But I also agree with those saying he has to face the consequences of his actions. What's his education situation right now?

graciasinmorzine · 10/12/2023 19:09

You need to call the police.

trust me- being a bad mother in this situation is not protecting your other children from your eldest.

he HEADBUTTED you, Jesus Christ.

IDoLikeToBeByTheSea · 10/12/2023 19:10

I think you need to either-
a) Call the police and ask the takeaway place to as well. Contact social services and find somewhere else for him to go, even temporarily.
or
b) Find somewhere else for your other children to live. I can really sympathise with your situation, trust me, but you are enabling another child to destroy your other children’s’ childhood. You won’t keep the family together by letting him stay.

NotManyDaysTilChristmas · 10/12/2023 19:12

I know he’s your son but this is not normal and it is escalating- to what point? He needs to see the consequences of his actions. Call the police and the shop owner should do the same. He needs to leave your home to keep you and your other children safe.

DaftyInTheMiddle · 10/12/2023 19:14

Phone the police. You won’t keep your family together burying your head in the sand like this. Intervention can help, agencies are there to help. You have other children to think about, they need to be protected here.

Timeturnerplease · 10/12/2023 19:16

You are not safeguarding your other children. That is a big red flag. Call the police immediately.

TheCurtainQueen · 10/12/2023 19:17

Report him to the police for your safety and the safety of your younger children. He can’t continue to live with you. Where is his father?

Pumpkinspice13 · 10/12/2023 19:17

Call the police. You are doing him no favours letting him get away with this behaviour and you are responsible for the fear your other children feel by allowing him around them.

MammaFifi · 10/12/2023 19:18

Your inaction is making this worse. Call the police and report the assault, the racial abuse and the criminal damage. Actions have consequences and he clearly has never experienced any.

Squeaky2023 · 10/12/2023 19:18

I know you don't want to, but the police can access emergency housing for your son and will know the drill, so by calling them, it's a way of getting help as well as keeping yourself and the rest of your family safe.
It's too far out of control now, you cannot live like this and you really shouldn't choose that your other live like this.
It's not safe and it's traumatic for everyone. They will be able to access help. They often have MH workers in custody.
I hope you are ok, with your injury.

Whattodo112222 · 10/12/2023 19:18

Categorically you must call the police. You can't help him. It's way beyond that.

Where is his father out of interest?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.