Son smashed my NEW fridge freezer and is out of control!

[motorwayrain]

I am extremely down in the dumps and life is pure hell for me and my two younger kids too.

My oldest (son) 16 is an absolute nightmare right now. He was in trouble with the police during the summer and when he started his GCSE year in September he was expelled for fighting and calling a teacher racist names.

I have started to lose my hair. He's extremely threatening towards me. The other day he got right in my face shouting like full on top of his voice f*g and blinding.

Last night the owner of the local asian takeaway knocked on my door saying I should come to the shop. I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. He took me to his shop and the food counter window was smashed and he said my son done it (he knows me because I've ordered from him in past).

Then the shop full of men started talking about me in their own language and I certainly didn't need a translator to know what they were saying..

The owner said "You are lucky you know me and if you just pay for the damages I won't call police".

Essentially my son and his mates had gone in took food , didn't pay and started being racist and hurled a chair into this guy's food counter smashing glass and ruining food under.

I confronted my son this afternoon (after he'd been out all night). My American style fridge freezer which I had saved up for and we were all looking forward to for xmas arrived.

As usual he started going red and you can literally see steam coming out of his ear before at the top of his voice starts shouting at me. I try standing my ground but he's a large built lad but I'm absolutely petrified but try not to show it when he squares up. my son and daughter both younger run and hide when he kicks off.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed the fridge freezer and smashed it on the floor by pulling it over !! I went in running and he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed.

I'm in tears as I write this. He stormed out slamming the front door (which is coming off the hinges)

Any advice please, my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together. My other friend who said he needs help.

If you keep him there and he is violent you could have all of your children taken away.

For his sake as well as your own call the police.

You’re worried about somebody calling you a bad mother?

100% of the people here recommended that you phone the police.

PHONE THE POLICE!!!!!

And no, they aren’t going to take your other children away, unless you don’t don’t do something about your violent son, such as phone the police.

Exactly the above, the excuses keep on rolling.

People say the police but won't they take the kids away and say I'm a bad parent

You will be if you don’t protect your children from this thug because that’s what he is. Do you want your other children to see him get away with this behaviour and think this is normal?

You need to get your eldest son removed from the house for the sake of your younger children. He's extremely violent. He's not safe for them to be around. He's already met the police and he's not scared of them - your DB's not going to be able to scare him straight with one chat.

Otherwise he's going to carry on getting worse and worse until social services take away your younger children to keep them safe from him.

Sorry but his friends were not in your kitchen egging him on to trash it and assault you. The problem is him and you need to address it for the sake of your other DC and yourself.

It's his friends that's what

Are you having a laugh?
Did his friends smash your fridge?
Did his friends bust your nose?
Do his friends have your other children running and hiding out of fear in their own home?

No. That's all him.

Every time you call the police, a record is made against him even if there is no further action. This time he has violently assaulted you as well as causing significant damage to your property. He is old enough to be convicted.

Don’t blame his friends. They may not be a good influence on him but he is solely responsible for his own behaviour.

Have a look at @countdeadwomen on twitter. They document all the women in the UK who have been killed by men. The amount of women killed by their sons is shockingly high.

You need to get the takeaway to report him and you need to report him. Is keeping your family together more important than keeping your younger children safe? Who will they live with if you're seriously injured or killed?

I know but he was absolutely fuming. He might be able to give him a stern talking to. I know you can't get the belt out or even threaten them but his words might have an impact. It's just that with Xmas approaching and with the two younger ones looking forward to it and a few invites I've sent over.
The last thing I want is my older one getting sent to the nick and explaining to people what's happened.
I absolutely hate him right now. but ultimately he's my son. Objects can be replaced eventually but not people.

This has got to be a wind up.

Seek and engage with help - your first stop is probably the Police - and I’d imagine you won’t have your children away. (Although the son in question may, and should, be arrested and taken to a place of safety)

Fail to seek help and the shit will really hit the fan. SS will get deeply involved + the Police ( and on their own terms)

Try to smooth things over/pretend its all sorted and you and/or your children are likely to leave the house in 1 of 3 ways…..
Taken into care.
Ambulance
Private Ambulance - the unmarked vans undertakers use.

First off kick him out... how can you put your other children through that?

You are not being a 'good parent to him' you are being a 'bad parent to the other two children'. He is making his own choices.

He is NOT a child, he can have full control of his own bank account, work full time, have sex and a child, get a passport, be remanded to prison, hes not a baby... in less than a year the police wont even need you present or to inform you interview him.

By the sounds of it you wont even have to worry where hes sleeping because the police will give him a roof over his head if he carries on like that.

I moved out at that age as did many people I know (common when you are poor/overcrowdered). You aren't 'owed' living at home as an adult, especially if you treat everyone like shit.

Do you other children a favor and protect them not the abuser.

Sorry if you think so

phone the police.He headbutted you. and let the take away man report him as well.
i know its easy to say when looking in. Hes got to be accountable. now.
You and other kids cant live like this. You arent splitting your fammily up-you are being the adult in charge.

The last thing I want is my older one getting sent to the nick and explaining to people what's happened.

FFS you sound more concerned about what the neighbours/family will say than the safety of your children.

You need to call the police and take this seriously.

Not doing so is where the risk of social services intervening to protect your younger children. You need to take action - formal action. Tonight.

The younger children may well disclose what’s happened at school and the school will follow safeguarding procedures. It’s not ok for them to live with domestic violence.

Your brother talking to him will make no difference. He’s violent and out of control. You must call the police.

The only way to get your son the help he needs and safeguard your other children, and yourself, is via involving the police. They will likely involve social services too. There’s probably no avoiding it because this is extremely serious.

Your kids mental health can't be replaced. Their trust in you to keep them safe.

This cannot be real. If you are genuinely putting your own worries about what to say to people above your younger children's welfare then they do not deserve to keep your other children.

Is that what they tell the police if he puts them in hospital if they get in the way of his violence?

Gullible is written on the ceiling.

How on Earth can you be more concerned about Christmas and keeping up appearances at this time?!? Your younger kids will be a lot happier knowing their brother won’t ruin their Christmas Day.

Your brother giving him a stern talking to is going to do fuck all!

You need to call the police before the younger kids go to school tomorrow and tell someone what has happened. There will be a safeguarding referral which will show you've done nothing to protect your younger children. That is poor parenting that will lead to your younger children being removed, if you're not willing to take the necessary steps to keep them safe.

I’m now seriously hoping this is a windup.

However you got to this point, it’s no longer safe for you or your children to have him in the house. Report him to the police and tell SS he can’t live with you anymore. You might feel like you’re failing by saying you can’t cope and that he needs to leave but you’re failing his siblings if you allow them to continue living in fear in their own home. You can still be in contact with him, just not in your home where he uses you as a physical and emotional punching bag.