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Original poster

Son smashed my NEW fridge freezer and is out of control!

155 replies

motorwayrain · 10/12/2023 18:49

I am extremely down in the dumps and life is pure hell for me and my two younger kids too.

My oldest (son) 16 is an absolute nightmare right now. He was in trouble with the police during the summer and when he started his GCSE year in September he was expelled for fighting and calling a teacher racist names.

I have started to lose my hair. He's extremely threatening towards me. The other day he got right in my face shouting like full on top of his voice f*g and blinding.

Last night the owner of the local asian takeaway knocked on my door saying I should come to the shop. I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. He took me to his shop and the food counter window was smashed and he said my son done it (he knows me because I've ordered from him in past).

Then the shop full of men started talking about me in their own language and I certainly didn't need a translator to know what they were saying..

The owner said "You are lucky you know me and if you just pay for the damages I won't call police".

Essentially my son and his mates had gone in took food , didn't pay and started being racist and hurled a chair into this guy's food counter smashing glass and ruining food under.

I confronted my son this afternoon (after he'd been out all night). My American style fridge freezer which I had saved up for and we were all looking forward to for xmas arrived.

As usual he started going red and you can literally see steam coming out of his ear before at the top of his voice starts shouting at me. I try standing my ground but he's a large built lad but I'm absolutely petrified but try not to show it when he squares up. my son and daughter both younger run and hide when he kicks off.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed the fridge freezer and smashed it on the floor by pulling it over !! I went in running and he hit his forehead on my nose causing me to bleed.

I'm in tears as I write this. He stormed out slamming the front door (which is coming off the hinges)

Any advice please, my brother said throw him out and call the police but I want to help keep this family together. My other friend who said he needs help.

OP posts:
Mischance · 10/12/2023 19:19

You have to inform the police. As long as your son is not required to face the consequences of his actions he will continue to do these things.

I am sorry to introduce such a worrying aspect but your younger children are not safe from this young man. If word of that gets out then child protection have reason to be concerned. It is better that you call the police and can be shown to be dealing with the situation and taking it seriously than come across as a parent who will protect your oldest son at the expense of the younger children.

ReadyForPumpkins · 10/12/2023 19:20

Get your brother ‘s help and throw him out. If it’s your DH, everyone here will tell you to leave.

supersonicginandtonic · 10/12/2023 19:20

Report him to the police. They will get other agencies involved to help support him and you. There are agencies that work with children and get them to understand their behaviour and the impact that it is having. They will also inform him of what will potentially happen in the future if this carries on. They may refer him to CAMHS for an assessment. They can give you support as a parent who experiences violence from their children. Social care will also support you too. It won't get better on your own.

Reallybadidea · 10/12/2023 19:20

You're long past being able to change his behaviour. Your priority now needs to be keeping your younger children (and yourself) safe.

bonzaitree · 10/12/2023 19:21

Reiterate that you call the police.

Can you ask his dad to come over in the mean time ? Or a male relative (brother, dad)?

penjil · 10/12/2023 19:22

FionnulaTheCooler · 10/12/2023 18:53

Don't bail him out by paying the takeaway for the damage he caused. Let the owner call the police and he can deal with the consequences of his actions.

No cash should exchange hands. It should be done properly through his insurance.

LakeTiticaca · 10/12/2023 19:23

You need to get the police involved for your own safety and his safety as well when he pisses the wrong people off and finds himself in intensive care down the local hospital

Iamnotalemming · 10/12/2023 19:24

I know you think you're helping him by trying to handle it yourself but you're not. You need to protect your other DC as well as yourself. Call the police. I'm sorry this is happening.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 10/12/2023 19:24

He had headbutted you in the face. Omfg.
You absolutely need to phone the policecand have him arrested. He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions because otherwise the rest of his life will be a shit show.

Mrgrinch · 10/12/2023 19:24

The longer you allow this to continue, the worse it will get.

You are allowing him to ruin the lives of you and your other children.

Call the police. You are not helping him by refusing to do so.

Floppyelf · 10/12/2023 19:25

You’re in way over your head. Call the police yourself and hand him in for the criminal damage to the fridge. You need to forget the baby you raised and realise him for the criminal he is turning out to be. Call social services as well and gp referral for help. If you don’t get the authorities involved now, he’ll end up committing much more more serious crimes( rape, murder etc) or he might attack the wrong person and be killed in self defence

LIZS · 10/12/2023 19:26

Encourage the takeaway owner to press charges and do so yourself. You do him no favours paying up for his behaviour.

WowOK · 10/12/2023 19:27

Tell the shop keeper to report him to the police. You need to report him to the police. He headbutted you in the face. If you let him assault you and do nothing thus will only escalate.

Wolfpa · 10/12/2023 19:27

You have a very strange way of saying he head butted you. Call the police report the violence and the damaged caused to the shop. You have other children to protect

brokenbics · 10/12/2023 19:27

The best way to do right by him and by your other children is to phone the police and ask for help. His rage could end up with him to hurt someone, or himself.

Socialyawkward · 10/12/2023 19:28

The ONLY way you can keep your family together is to ring police. You need to safeguard the younger ones and stop eldest getting himself killed

Throwawayme · 10/12/2023 19:28

One of the most unanimous posts I've seen. I think only the police being involved can give your son the chance to turn this around.

greencheetah · 10/12/2023 19:29

Police

Or are you going to wait until he seriously injures your other DC? They’re already terrified of him. Time for tough love OP.

Mrgrinch · 10/12/2023 19:30

Also just so that you're aware, there's another thread currently where the OP's stepson has broken her fingers and given her a black eye. He's destroyed her home too. She's also refusing to call the police.

How far do you intend to let it go on before you finally give in and do what needs to be done? Maybe you'll wait until he assaults one of your younger children?

Couldyounot · 10/12/2023 19:31

Police. No alternative. He cannot live in your house now.

hellsBells246 · 10/12/2023 19:32

FionnulaTheCooler · 10/12/2023 18:53

Don't bail him out by paying the takeaway for the damage he caused. Let the owner call the police and he can deal with the consequences of his actions.

This. And call the police for you too.

Poor you, and your younger dc. They need to be protected from him.

Yousay55 · 10/12/2023 19:32

He does need help and so do you. Calling the police is not the answer. It will make things worse and give him a criminal record-I expect he already has one.
beg for help from the drs, counselling-anywhere. If he has changed from how he was before, could it be drugs?
if all else fails, you may have to consider him moving to somewhere like the ymca.

Ladyj84 · 10/12/2023 19:32

I'm really sorry but none of my children would smash my home,assault me and no call to the police. You may be in tears but you need to get a back bone and do something. He could have killed one of the younger children with one blow. The younger children should not be around this teeneager. As for destroying other people's property come on you know you need to stand up and make that call.

BreatheAndFocus · 10/12/2023 19:33

I’m another one saying call the police. If you don’t, you’re letting down your other children and putting them and yourself at risk. You’re also letting down your son by not taking the first step to get him the help he needs.

By trying to protect him, you risk losing everything.

Ohhmydays · 10/12/2023 19:34

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 10/12/2023 18:54

Call the police. Report the assault and criminal damage to yourself and also report the racism harassment, theft and criminal damage to the takeaway. This is well beyond your capacity to manage and deal with. He needs to be dealt with by police and authorities.

I agree with this. He hasn’t just tripped and his forehead hit you!! He has stuck the head in you. His own mother. He has defo went right off the rails and needs help op

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