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Original poster

How long had you known your DP/DH before having sex?

165 replies

strawberrysea · 10/12/2023 07:44

Inspired by another thread where a commenter suggested refusing to have sex until marriage in order to filter men who were serious about marriage and relationships.

I'd known DP for about two hours 😳 hadn't conducted myself in that way previously, but we've been together for nearly six years now!

In the past I'd waited months before beginning a sexual relationship with a partner and still got binned in the coming days/weeks and so I'm of the mind that if a man wants a woman just for sex he's usually prepared to wait it out, which is obviously horrible behaviour.

Obligatory 'not a journalist' disclaimer.

OP posts:
LizHoney · 11/12/2023 05:22

Went home with him the night we met and we've barely spent a night apart in the eight years since. I waited three weeks for actual intercourse. I'm no prude, going home with someone was common, but I found if I had actual sex too soon I usually regretted it. So happy to have left the dating game minefield behind!

Tree12 · 11/12/2023 06:43

About four hours. Been together 19 years now.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 11/12/2023 08:03

48 hours here

roseberrycherry · 11/12/2023 08:31

Friends for 3years prior, sex on the 2nd date. Together 16 years and been married for 14!

PaintedEgg · 11/12/2023 09:01

I've known him professionally for couple of years before (we weren't friends, I was his client), had sex on first proper date. I did take into consideration that it may be just this one time or it may be start of something good.

I think it's best to just enjoy sex if we're up for it but not use it as a predictor of where the relationship will go

unless its really bad, then I'd run

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 11/12/2023 09:43

I’m noticing an interesting trend on this thread of having sex very soon turning into long relationships. Maybe we should start a survey?

Ageingisaprivilegedeniedtomany · 11/12/2023 09:44

So do I, and I'm calling BS.

AlienBabi · 11/12/2023 09:49

One week of messaging and thirty seconds within meeting in person

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 11/12/2023 09:50

I’m noticing an interesting trend on this thread of having sex very soon turning into long relationships. Maybe we should start a survey?

But surely it's not that surprising, because the OP only asked about people's dp/dh. Women who are in the habit of having sex with a new guy pretty much straight away are likely to also do so with the one who turns out to be a keeper. They may have had umpteen before that who didn't turn into a relationship at all.

PaintedEgg · 11/12/2023 10:45

Ageingisaprivilegedeniedtomany · 11/12/2023 09:44

So do I, and I'm calling BS.

the thread is biased because it would naturally only attract responses from people for whom it worked out long term - there's not BS here, just one sided view

theDudesmummy · 11/12/2023 13:40

@PaintedEgg correct. The thread is about people who are still in the relationship, it doesn't capture all the one-night stands which didn't turn into relationships! (Of which I may or may not have had a few...)

burntoutnurse · 11/12/2023 13:42

2 days Grin

DeeCeeCherry · 11/12/2023 17:35

8 days. Thats only because after the night we met I had work next day then we arranged to meet following week at an event he was hosting. Went back to his afterwards and never left for 2 days. If we'd met up sooner after that 1st night I reckon it'd have happened in half the time. We've been together almost 7 years now.

Norhing at all wrong with waiting though, if thats what a person wants. Both ways are fine. But when you're older been there done that not exactly new to sex, it's not love's young dream. So I don't see the point in not just getting on with if the attraction is there on both sides and you seem to want the same thing/outcome.

gannett · 11/12/2023 17:42

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 11/12/2023 09:50

I’m noticing an interesting trend on this thread of having sex very soon turning into long relationships. Maybe we should start a survey?

But surely it's not that surprising, because the OP only asked about people's dp/dh. Women who are in the habit of having sex with a new guy pretty much straight away are likely to also do so with the one who turns out to be a keeper. They may have had umpteen before that who didn't turn into a relationship at all.

Yes there were indeed umpteen of these before DP. (I wasn't looking for a relationship with any of them.) I don't think there's any correlation between how quickly you sleep with someone and the likelihood of them being a keeper. Often you'll see terrible advice along the lines of "play hard to get, don't give them sex, make them pursue you" which is the real BS. Not because waiting to have sex is a mistake - never have sex you don't want! - but because game-playing and second-guessing, instead of just knowing what you want and acting on it, isn't really the bedrock of a healthy relationship.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 11/12/2023 17:52

About 3 months after we'd met - we didn't really know each other, but kept meeting on nights out and having the occasional secret snog (awkwardly, his mate fancied me so DH didn't want to tread on his toes). Eventually, he asked me out, and we slept together that night.

We didn't stay together, I went on to marry someone else and have a child with them 🙈 but we got together again 5 years later when my marriage broke up, and have been together ever since, 17 years now.

Ladylalaboo1 · 11/12/2023 19:53

Known for 6 years, were seeing each other from the August and then we became boyfriend girlfriend end of October and then that weekend had sex. Not sure why it took so long, I had finished uni that summer and had broken up with an utter twat, who I literally slept with within hours of meeting. I think I was scared to get hurt again but I also think I just knew I could wait. Had a feeling that this was it and that it didn't need to be rushed. Together 13 years and 3 kids later so working so far 🤣

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 12/12/2023 02:37

I’m the one who wondered about a survey, and I was less asking about “can a relationship last if you get together in five minutes” and more the social mores of taking it fairly slowly, waiting until the third date to have a successful relationship, and how that’s not reflected on this thread. So the hits not the misses :)

Flatandhappy · 12/12/2023 03:32

A few hours. We moved in together the next day, been together 34 years now.

StarlightLady · 12/12/2023 07:42

2 hours.

worryingalot · 12/12/2023 07:45

7 years

gotomomo · 12/12/2023 07:51

3rd date - and first opportunity as first 2 dates were in public (met OLD)

gotomomo · 12/12/2023 07:56

And we decided to get married last weekend, been together 4.5 years

StillWantingADog · 12/12/2023 07:56

I think 3/4 weeks. 15 years ago.

SparkIehoof · 12/12/2023 07:58

The night we met. Said I love you the first night also, he proposed four days later. Still very much married and in love 22 years later.

LunaTheCat · 12/12/2023 07:58

2 weeks… but I was 36 and had ever had sex and there was no point in waiting! Married 22 years now.

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