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Original poster

Partner angry at sisters reaction to moving abroad!

157 replies

Ashreen · 09/12/2023 23:42

So my partner has been offered a new government job abroad and we’ve just informed all our families. They are all happy and excited for us but sad to see us go and will miss us!

But when I told my sisters they’re reaction was hurt and sadness more than excitement! Our relationship has been strained recently (we are all very close!) but they’ve been clashing with my partner as they’ve interfered in our relationship when I wasn’t happy and they messaged my partner calling him out then my partner retaliated and they weren’t happy I took his side over theirs. Since then I’ve been keeping my distance as I did realise they shouldn’t have got involved and were blaming me and my partner rather than look at what they did wrong as well.

So now after telling them they were upset that I hadn’t told them sooner and felt hurt that if we were as close as we were I would have. But I wanted to tell them after we’d made the decision but anyway they’re coming around to the idea even though I did feel sad and guilty!!

So now my partner has noticed and is angry they’ve reacted like that and said he knew they would and that my sisters are not nice people and he doesn’t want anything to do with them! I tried to explain they are within their rights to feel upset and after everything’s that happened they felt sad to lose me even more with the distance. But I accept that but he won’t and keeps going on about it wanting me to agree with his views of how selfish and entitled they are and I’m just upset as we’ve been trying to mend our relationship and I just want my sisters to be ok and not think they’ve lost me but my partner isn’t making it easy for me and even says they won’t be welcome to our house and to our new place abroad and I should respect his feelings but what about mine?!!! How can I go about this? As it keeps making us argue!

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 09/12/2023 23:45

Is this a reverse?

If not, then are you on crack?

Read what you have written and ask yourself why on earth you would go to a foreign country with such an awful man.

DoIOrNot · 09/12/2023 23:47

He’s insisting you agree with him, making you fall out with your siblings and then cutting you off from them completely by saying they will not be welcome to visit you in your home.

🚩🚩🚩

Takenoprisoner · 09/12/2023 23:51

DoIOrNot · 09/12/2023 23:47

He’s insisting you agree with him, making you fall out with your siblings and then cutting you off from them completely by saying they will not be welcome to visit you in your home.

🚩🚩🚩

All of this. he is laying down the f
groundwork for alienating you from your family. No wonder your sisters dislike him, they see through him. And he knows.

Please don't go with him, he's very manipulative and controlling.

Namerequired · 09/12/2023 23:53

Your sisters can see what you can not. You have a long history with your sisters and were close before your current partner? Do they usually steer you wrong? Are they usually unreasonable?
Don’t move with his man. He’s separating you from your family and telling you you need to side with him. Then telling you that despite you moving to another country for him, he won’t be welcoming your family. This is all wrong!! At most if they were unreasonable, he should be saying, look I’m not happy about it, but they are your family, so I will go with whatever makes you happy.
Think carefully op.

PickAChew · 09/12/2023 23:53

Maybe your partner's reaction to your sisters' sadness at you going demonstrates that they have a point in their sadness. Perhaps worried that he is isolating you.

Snowdogsmitten · 10/12/2023 00:05

Team Sisters. They see him for what he is, you don’t. Yet. You might once he’s got you fully isolated and controlled in another country…

BalletBob · 10/12/2023 00:11

So your partner was a shit to you, you told your sisters all about it, they've had your back and supported you, you've been charmed by your boyfriend and are now keeping them at arms length because he's pissed off that they know what he's really like.

And now he's doubling down and insisting that you put more and more distance between you and your sisters by banning them from visiting you in the new country. Because he knows that if he can get you to move away with him, you'll be isolated geographically and will be completely under his control.

You are making a massive, massive mistake. Please don't move abroad with this man. Your sisters love you and want the best for you. Of course they are sad and worried about you leaving.

MMmomDD · 10/12/2023 00:13

Your relationship with this man sounds dysfunctional, and he is trying to control you. And you seem to be going along with it.
It won’t end well.
And I think your sisters see what you don’t see.

Don’t let him alienate you from your family.
If you move abroad - you won’t have any support - not family, not friends. And he will continue to control you - plus you’ll be dependent on him there.
Is that a life you want?

WinterDeWinter · 10/12/2023 00:15

Unless your sisters have a history of butting in when they’re not wanted I’d ask myself what they see that I don’t.

manipulative controlling narcissist husbands work hard to make their wives unsure of their own feelings and judgement.

Thank god for sisters.

Coyoacan · 10/12/2023 00:18

OP, please don't go abroad with that man. It is so bloody obvious to all of us that he isolating you.

MintJulia · 10/12/2023 00:19

Going abroad with this man who is trying to isolate you from your sisters is what is upsetting them. Are you sure you can trust him to treat you decently, because it doesn't sound like it.

How they react is none of his business.

If you go, make sure you keep enough money in a separate account so that you can come home without his permission. Keep your passport separate from his.

SirChenjins · 10/12/2023 00:21

You’re surely not actually going to go ahead with this move? Your sisters have seen this man for what he is and he doesn’t like it, so plans to control you by alienating you physically and geographically from your family.

Get the hell away from him.

OkImListening · 10/12/2023 06:25

First, there is no way your sisters should have "called out" your partner after you'd confided in them, that is interfering in someone else's relationship and it is not their place, instead, they should have listened, supported and advised you. In this respect, I can see why your partner is angry.

Second, you say that you spoke to your sisters because you were unhappy but you don't say why you were unhappy. I'd be thinking carefully about the reasons why you are unhappy and then deciding whether those issues are surmountable when choosing whether to move abroad, or not.

Either way, I wouldn't be happy with my partner telling me that my family can't visit when we move abroad. You've got a lot to think about, OP.

AgentProvocateur · 10/12/2023 06:32

Are you sure you want to go overseas with this man, when he’ll have a job and you won’t (at first, anyway) and you won’t know anyone? Think very carefully. He doesn’t sound like a good man. And as someone said earlier, make sure you’ve got enough menu of your own to leave the country suddenly.

Temporaryname158 · 10/12/2023 06:37

Proceed with caution.

do you have children. If you have children or had them abroad be aware in some countries you couldn’t leave without his permission and May become stuck there! This is serious and you need to be very careful going anywhere with him

rwalker · 10/12/2023 06:38

By the sounds of it you’ve had some problems in your relationship ( like the majority of people) and sorted it

by your own admission they interfered you backed DH so this does indicate to me they were in the wrong and you say they shouldn’t of got involved

an interfering relative wouldn’t be welcome in my home

theres middle ground here he wants nothing to do with them that shouldn’t stop you having a relationship with them

I have something similar in my family there all adults they drew a line under it said they don’t like each other and there paths never cross

category12 · 10/12/2023 06:41

If you're in this new country, you're going to be financially dependent on this man, yes? What happens if you hate it over there and he treats you badly? Will you be in a position to come home?

Do you have children? If you do, have you looked into your rights should you want to leave with the children?

LolaSmiles · 10/12/2023 06:46

Red flags everywhere.
Whether your sisters should have called him out and how they did it is irrelevant.

This man made you unhappy, your sisters were there for you, he didn't like it so you now keep your distance from them, and now you've announced you're planning on moving abroad with a man who wants to sever your relationship with your sisters

Now he's bitching about your sisters, telling you how awful they are and he wants you to agree with him.

He's not a nice man.

BettyPhuckzer · 10/12/2023 06:48

If this is for real - do not go overseas with this man .....LTB

rwalker · 10/12/2023 07:01

BettyPhuckzer · 10/12/2023 06:48

If this is for real - do not go overseas with this man .....LTB

there’s no details saying he’s a selfish abusive twat if that’s the case you may have a point

just he wants nothing to do with an overstepping interfering sister

LolaSmiles · 10/12/2023 07:08

there’s no details saying he’s a selfish abusive twat if that’s the case you may have a point

just he wants nothing to do with an overstepping interfering sister
A decent partner who doesn't want to have anything to do with an interfering sister would acknowledge they don't get on and wouldn't try to meddle in their partner's relationship with their sister.

This man has created a situation where the OP has felt she needs to keep a distance from her sister, and when he knows she's trying to work on the relationship with her sister he keeps slagging her sister off. He's also banned OP's sisters from their house, and they're planning on moving overseas, and he's banned the sister from their house abroad (which he knows makes it difficult for the OP to see her sister). He also has decided that the OP has to respect his position, with no regard for hers.

There's red flags everywhere.

MilkChocolateCookie · 10/12/2023 07:09

There's fault on all sides here. It sounds like you may have over shared with your sisters OP? I can understand your DH feeling upset if they interfered in something that should have been between the two of you. Unless it was really bad, and they felt that they had to intervene? It would help to know the details of the earlier issue.

However he is massively overreacting to say your sisters can't visit you if you move abroad. It would be really unkind of him to make you cut off your sisters like this. You need to hold firm on that OP.

Nicole1111 · 10/12/2023 07:16

…..

Partner angry at sisters reaction to moving abroad!
GreatGateauxsby · 10/12/2023 07:20

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/12/2023 23:45

Is this a reverse?

If not, then are you on crack?

Read what you have written and ask yourself why on earth you would go to a foreign country with such an awful man.

Yep this is basically what I came on to say.

Also the MN standard (& excellent) advice - make sure you are on EFFECTIVE contraception and do not have a child with this man.

Good luck op. You will need it.

autienotnaughty · 10/12/2023 07:27

What do his feelings have to do with your relationship with your sisters.

I would be clear your sisters are welcome and you will have a relationship with them and he needs to make an effort.

Would be interesting to know what he did that u complained about.