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Original poster

He put us on Pornhub🙈

276 replies

Xelaharas · 07/12/2023 17:25

Fiancé and I have been together 5 years. We have our ups and down but the bedroom department is always 20/10. He went through a phase of videoing our intimate moments and I didn't have a problem with that. He mentioned to me before about making us a page but I thought he was messing around and at no point did I agree. He sent me a link today, to MY OWN PAGE on Pornhub and it's been active for over a year.
I feel absolutely violated and completely disrespected. You can't see me face in any of the video's and he uploaded at least 5. Personally, I think I look fu**ing hot in them but that's not the point. They were for us, they were private. I screamed at him over the phone and he has now taken them off, but I can't see how I can one day marry a man who basically sees me as a porn star. In one way it's flattering to know that he would rather watch me than regular porn but one of them had over 2k views and people had made (obviously) explicit comments about me. A lot of people have seen my derriere that I don't know and I really don't like that. I've told him that he better hold on to those videos because that's all he is ever going to see of me again and he's saying I'm overreacting! I've taken off my engagement ring, I'm so angry.
This isn't a conversation I can have with an actual person, without embarrassing myself.
PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME I'M NOT EXAGGERATING??

OP posts:
DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 07/12/2023 19:08

In addition to spreading pictures of your most intimate parts all around the world, there is a good chance he has hidden cameras and has, in fact, been filming your face all along.
The real concern with that is being recognised. It has happened before.
Why? Because he's a vile sex offender who is getting his sick jollies by trying to humiliate and shame the women he says he wants to marry.
The shame isn't yours BTW, it's his and everyone who has watched it.
Best advice on here is to report it to the police.
Oh, and he definitely didn't lose the phone.
🌺

Original poster
Xelaharas · 07/12/2023 19:09

My life is a roller coaster (not including this) and I could tell you some shit that would mess with your head. So sometimes I just need clarification. I have a tendency to lash out and overreact over the silliest things. We have known eachother for over 20 years and got back together. So when he proposed, obviously I imagined spending the rest of my life with this man. So I didn't see anything wrong with a few homemade vids. Not everyone is a prude and it takes a long time to find someone you are comfortable doing certain things with. Life is short and boring as fuck if you don't take risks.
Yes this came back to bite me but I didn't see this coming in a million years.
When he lost the phone, he hadn't taken any for a while and he was looking for it for a completely different reason. But yes I'm livid that it was there for over a year. And in a different situation it might not of bothered me so much (e.g. I was young and not engaged).
This all happened this afternoon BTW and I've told him it's over. I'll be totally honest that im hesitant about involving police because I am slightly scared of him.
The emoji was more for attention on the post and I'm gobsmacked by the response. I don't have friends that I'm close enough to to talk to and just needed to know I'm not losing my fucking mind.

OP posts:
contactus · 07/12/2023 19:11

do you have children with him?

Gettingbysomehow · 07/12/2023 19:11

Not only would I have nothing more to do with him but I'd also report him to the police, take him to court and sue him.
He HAD NO RIGHT to do this to you.

Lilibert456 · 07/12/2023 19:12

This reply has been deleted

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GoldDuster · 07/12/2023 19:14

The fact that you can't tell the police because you're scared of him says it all. There is more going on here than him posting the videos, it says such a lot about his beliefs and how he views you and probably acts towards you as a result.

In one way it's flattering to know that he would rather watch me than regular porn

I don't think that this is the saving grace you think it is, if you think he's only watching the videos of you, I think his internet history would tell you otherwise. No you shouldn't marry him, yes you should end it without delay and go to the police.

Decimbir · 07/12/2023 19:15

Xelaharas · 07/12/2023 19:09

My life is a roller coaster (not including this) and I could tell you some shit that would mess with your head. So sometimes I just need clarification. I have a tendency to lash out and overreact over the silliest things. We have known eachother for over 20 years and got back together. So when he proposed, obviously I imagined spending the rest of my life with this man. So I didn't see anything wrong with a few homemade vids. Not everyone is a prude and it takes a long time to find someone you are comfortable doing certain things with. Life is short and boring as fuck if you don't take risks.
Yes this came back to bite me but I didn't see this coming in a million years.
When he lost the phone, he hadn't taken any for a while and he was looking for it for a completely different reason. But yes I'm livid that it was there for over a year. And in a different situation it might not of bothered me so much (e.g. I was young and not engaged).
This all happened this afternoon BTW and I've told him it's over. I'll be totally honest that im hesitant about involving police because I am slightly scared of him.
The emoji was more for attention on the post and I'm gobsmacked by the response. I don't have friends that I'm close enough to to talk to and just needed to know I'm not losing my fucking mind.

Well done ending it with him. Will you be able to never see him again?

If your sure he doesn’t have videos with your face maybe you can just put it behind you if you can’t face the police. Or tell him that if you ever see any videos of yourself on the internet then you’ll go to the police, and send him a news article or two about prison sentences.

It is a big deal. It’s happened to a lot of women in one way or another (me too) but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a crime and a violation.

cansu · 07/12/2023 19:15

It is terrible but you seems to also be making light of it with your cute emoji and comments about you looking hot.

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/12/2023 19:16

It does not make you a 'prude' to not let your partner film you having sex, nor is it boring to have a sex life whereby that does not form a part of it.

Your partner is a sex offender, OP, who has committed a crime - if you are frightened of him then tell the police that, and anything else when you report him. He could ultimately end up in prison for this and I sincerely hope he does.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2023 19:16

Haffiana · 07/12/2023 18:28

Christ, is this what the world has come to?

'He filmed me and posted it on Pornhub, but I need to ask if it is OK to be angry?'

Why are women today unable to know wrong from right when it comes to porn? What are we teaching our daughters exactly?

I agree. Women and girls are absolutely under reacting to gross violations.

I hope you’ll be ok op. I think perhaps now you realise how serious this is you’ll start to have a reaction. So do be aware of this.

idontlikealdi · 07/12/2023 19:17

I guarantee that phone is not 'lost'. Has he been making money out of the videos?

I can't understand why anyone would agree to sex tapes tbh.

Wallywobbles · 07/12/2023 19:17

You absolutely have to go to the police or he can hold it over your head forever. You really don't have a choice I'm afraid.

SutWytTi · 07/12/2023 19:18

cansu · 07/12/2023 19:15

It is terrible but you seems to also be making light of it with your cute emoji and comments about you looking hot.

It only happened today. Making light of things is a well-known and not unusual response to shock, abuse or trauma.

Female victims are often subject to unfair and unrealistic scrutiny over how they react to the way they have been treated.

DriftingDora · 07/12/2023 19:18

millymog11 · 07/12/2023 18:53

"Why are women today unable to know wrong from right when it comes to porn? What are we teaching our daughters exactly?"

Whoever wrote this is, how can I put it? a little out of touch. Do you live in the dark ages?

I don't think you appreciate how much (mainly younger but in general) women are coerced into willingly joyfully and happily participating in porn which is all pervasive and ubiquitous throughout society.

Even something as innocuous as your boyfriend/husband saying "of course I watch porn every day so does every man on the planet don't be such a prude" is totally and completely normal for millions if not billions of young women to hear. And that is just accepting that your male partner is an active participant in/paying customer of porn on a day to day basis. Many women think much more grave and degrading things are perfectly normal and it is not because those women "don't know the difference between right and wrong".

It's not the person you are quoting who is out of touch here. It's you. And I think you are doing a grave disservice to women generally by your phrase 'Many women think much more grave and degrading things are perfectly normal.'

What 'things' - and where is your evidence for this?

StaunchMomma · 07/12/2023 19:18

Being scared of him is another reason to seek some help, OP. He could turn nasty just because you want to end the relationship and retaliate by putting the vids back up, or worse.

Involving the Police would mean you already have some back up if things deteriorate.

I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to turn to on this. I do think you'd feel better for speaking to someone, especially as you are now suggesting there are other problem issues with him.

Please consider calling Women's Aid and just talking this through with one of their agents. They've heard it all before, they won't judge you in the slightest and will be ready with practical and legal advice, as well as support.

Sometimes it takes a stranger to point out to us just how bad a situation we're in. Please remember none of this is your fault.

SutWytTi · 07/12/2023 19:19

Wallywobbles · 07/12/2023 19:17

You absolutely have to go to the police or he can hold it over your head forever. You really don't have a choice I'm afraid.

Every victim has a choice.

dohgouse · 07/12/2023 19:19

This can't be real?!

AlecTrevelyan006 · 07/12/2023 19:21

A CRYSTAL Palace star has told of having her life ruined when naked pictures were posted online - and male footballers shared them in group chats.
Footballer Leigh Nicol has joined a campaign against "revenge porn" after having nude images of her shared on an adult site.

...
She was alerted by a message on Instagram revealing footage of her having sex with an ex-partner had been uploaded to adult site PornHub.
The explicit video was removed after Leigh sent "numerous emails", but only after at least one video had trended across the X-rated website's top three.
It was also downloaded and posted elsewhere online.

Football News - Latest Football News, Fixtures and Results | The Sun

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https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/football/

StaunchMomma · 07/12/2023 19:21

dohgouse · 07/12/2023 19:19

This can't be real?!

Happens all the time. What's so shocking?

Snowdogsmitten · 07/12/2023 19:22

I'll be totally honest that im hesitant about involving police because I am slightly scared of him.

Fucking hell. All the more reason to involve them. If he tried anything after they had this on file they’ll take it very seriously.

Please, please, please don’t take him back, on the basis that you’re scared of him, alone.

CantHaveTooMuchChocolate · 07/12/2023 19:23

because I am slightly scared of him

Why on earth would you get engaged to a man you feel scared of?? Your partner should make you feel safe, loved and supported, not scared ffs.

FastBlueHedgehog · 07/12/2023 19:24

OP you need to check your definition of prude - I've never let anyone film/photograph me therefore my image isn't all over internet porn sites. That's not being a prude that's being sensible.

weirdoboelady · 07/12/2023 19:24

I'm going to report this thread, and not because I think the OP is making it up. I am worried that some over-enthusiastic gutter journalist might pick this up and find the videos, after some digging. I don't think that would be helpful to the OP or anyone. OP, sorry and I hope you see this post if the thread IS deleted.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/12/2023 19:24

Sorry op. What a shit. I'm glad you ended it. Going to the police is a good idea but I understand why you might not feel able to right now Flowers

Bangerwheel · 07/12/2023 19:26

This isn't real

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