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Original poster

I’m 24 and he’s 38, divorced with three children!

423 replies

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 21:44

Hello, so I have met a man through work who is 38 and he is recently divorced and has three children. He keeps asking if I’m okay with the situation and if I want to get involved and what my parents and family will think about his situation. I’m getting anxious about it but i don’t know what to do. I really like him but this is a huge factor on us!
anyone experienced this and how they dealt with it ? Should I be avoiding this ?

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 07/12/2023 06:38

My friend dated a recently divorced man this age with two primary aged kids when we were 22/23 we were all on our legal practice course. They “played house” for a summer. I remember thinking it was weird at the time. She dumped him in the autumn though and got in with her life. She was smart don’t think it was ever a long term thing for her.

muddyford · 07/12/2023 06:41

A friend's daughter is making the same choice. She married young and left her husband, but I suspect the older man had something to do with it, divorced, three children. Family devastated. But it's her decision to make, unfortunately, though everyone is hoping it fizzles out and she doesn't do something that will destroy her otherwise bright future.

MarleyandMarleyWoo · 07/12/2023 06:49

Don’t do it. You’re way too young for all that hassle and baggage. He sounds annoying, insecure and, frankly, like he can’t even get his own shit together, let alone slotting you in too. He’ll be expecting you to be his live in nanny before you know it.

wishingiwas20something · 07/12/2023 06:49

Why on earth would you want to get caught up in this? This 38 year old has responsibility to his 3 young children and to his ex - to share the massive burden that is parenting. If you too had kids to bring to equation, I’d understand, but what you’re describing is madness. Also you have to consider that going forwards- if you wanted to have a family with this man, finances, etc. would have be equally divided between the effectively 2 families (old and new). It’d be a firm no from me. At the risk of sounding patronising- find someone uncomplicated- a similar age to you!

catsanddogsandrabbits · 07/12/2023 06:52

Your life, your choice. If you like him enough then you're free to enjoy that. MN is full of people who think that unless a man is the same age as you he is a creep, you'll be wasting your life, you'll end up being his carer.
Older men have a lot to offer - but more importantly is he clever, fun, kind, cultured, fun, sexy... whatever is important to YOU - not a load of other people whose own relationships are likely sadly lacking, (even if they do tick the right boxes). As and adult it's up to you who you choose. So choose!

Pipsquiggle · 07/12/2023 06:55

@Grace1999 please do not do this. You are young, go anywhere, do anything.
Becoming a step mum at 24 to 3 DC with a much older man is just not a great scenario.

If I had done the same at 24, my parents would have been worried and probably would have discouraged the relationship but recognised it was my decision.

I mean on paper this relationship sounds like a car crash. I am not sure why anyone would support you going out with this guy.

Cas112 · 07/12/2023 06:56

Definitely not, you have your whole life ahead of you to be lumped with his baggage

Tallerandtall · 07/12/2023 06:57

@Grace1999

funny how all the people say Run and no do t mention feelings and if you like him

having said that.

‘I would not have a serious relationship with him. It’s too much!

Ilianor · 07/12/2023 06:57

You can never (quite rightly) come first with him. Would you be happy with that?

Lampzade · 07/12/2023 06:59

Run like the wind. Trust me on this

Ellamaelucyolivia · 07/12/2023 06:59

You would be mad to take on that baggage. Have a bit of sense.

Channellingsophistication · 07/12/2023 07:01

You are at different stages of your life. I guess you have to think about whether you want children later on as he may not want any more.

Supporting him looking after 3 children is quite big deal. if he’s a good dad his
world will centre him around them which has a massive impact on you.

I think it would be better to find someone without children and younger personally

ZenNudist · 07/12/2023 07:01

Its the kids that are a problem. Its going to make your life a misery.

rwalker · 07/12/2023 07:01

Whilst the age gap big but not massive

you really are going to be at different stage and want different things out of life

as for him asking about what others think and how you feel about
at 38 you can’t be be arsed with drama and investing in something that going to go nowhere if it’s a non starter best to find out now

his kids are going to feature heavily in your time together
at 24 you should be having the time if your life

sorry but don’t think there any great mileage in this relationship

ThePoshUns · 07/12/2023 07:01

Run for the hills!
You don't want all that baggage at your age.
Go out have fun.

Nordlo · 07/12/2023 07:04

Another vote for run, run fast as you can! Older you would be so upset with this decision. Do not waste your youth taking care of someone else's children. I'm sure he's coming across as mature and very loving. You'd be a top prize for him but with no benefit for you.

googledidnthelp · 07/12/2023 07:04

Grace1999 · 06/12/2023 23:03

How did your family and friends take this? If it goes there I am nervous to tell them.

Can you imagine how you would take it? Imagine your 24 year old daughter telling you. I'm sure you would be full is disappointment that at such a young age she took on so much baggage she didn't deserve for a man so much older than her he should know better.

Just don't. You wont regret it in your future.

muchalover · 07/12/2023 07:09

If he's a good father you will have to juggle everything around the children's needs. Meaning that your experiences are less. More filled with drudgery. Consumed by activities that they want to do. You will never be a priority.

If he's a crap dad you will have more time. But he's a crap dad and why would you want that?

ThePoshUns · 07/12/2023 07:09

Didn't read the whole thread and responses pretty unanimous but I have the feeling the OP , doesn't want to hear them.

FeetupTvon · 07/12/2023 07:10

Going against the grain here.
I was 23 when I met my 34 year old partner.
I had a son, he had 2 children.
We went on to have a child together.
25 years later and we are happy, secure and living our best lives.

Howmuchtohireahitman · 07/12/2023 07:11

User893432374902zzx · 07/12/2023 03:18

If you like the person I don't see why you should be put off. In fact, he is probaby quite mature and the relationship/marrying type if he has previously been married and had three children. If he could be good enough for someone else he could be good enough for you too.

Also, his children are not necessarily a burden. You may want a full family immediately without the body ruining pregnancies. He may rarely see the children.

There are many more nuances to this scenario.

A man who rarely sees his children.... How attractive!

MargotBamborough · 07/12/2023 07:11

titchy · 06/12/2023 21:47

Oh god you're way too young for this sort of baggage. Find someone else nearer your own age.

This.

SirWalterElliot · 07/12/2023 07:11

Honestly? When I was 24 I'd have probably said follow your heart, you'll find a way. Now I'm 36 with kids and I think you should run. You will meet someone else who doesn't bring that level of stress into your life.

FeetupTvon · 07/12/2023 07:11

Should have added I personally found people of my age group immature.

Hattie89 · 07/12/2023 07:12

When I was in my late twenties even, I was busy having fun with my friends, focusing on my career and dating, open to the idea of finding my Mr Right. I’m not ashamed to admit he definitely did not have even one child. I’m sure there are lovely single dads out there and I loved kids but it just wasn’t for me at this age. I was happy being the fun aunt only at this point of my life. I met him in my late twenties and now, mid thirties after years of travelling and amazing experiences together, we’re experiencing the drudgery of a bottomless laundry basket and sleepless nights and constant anxiety as parents together! 😂 And also the massive adjustment process and compromise that is becoming a parent. We used to love going to nice restaurants for dinner then going to a bar and listening to live music. Spontaneous cinema trips too... Nowadays, we have a bedtime routine we have to be strict with if we want to try to get a decent night’s sleep. And we can only go to the cinema if it’s to see Paw Patrol in the morning. We wouldn’t change it for the world of course but I suspect a big part of it is because we lived our twenties and early thirties to the fullest. On hard days though, I do look back at my carefree twenties nostalgically.

You have years ahead of you to meet someone and have your own family should you wish. I really doubt this guy will be up for doing the nappies stage again after three rounds of it already.

He’s not right if you have to ask a public forum- imo anyway.

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