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Original poster

After 11 years of marriage my husband suddenly wants to practice polygamy

161 replies

Ladylibra21 · 04/12/2023 06:16

Before my husband and I got married and even for years after we both made it clear that we were only interested in a Monogamous union. We both agreed that we would never want to share what we have with with another party male nor female. I even asked him at one point if he ever had a threesome in his past and he said it was never something he ever wanted or was interested in trying. I know not all men have a fantasy of a threesome but some do so I was curious to know. He told me that he went to a strip club before but he didn’t see what the hype was about and was not interested in returning. We have had conversations about polygamy and my stance on it has never changed. It’s a lifestyle that just isn’t for me and I don’t like the idea of sharing my partner. It was always something we mutually agreed on.
However after over a decade together my husband all of a sudden wants me to be open to the idea of practicing polygamy, having threesomes, and going to strip clubs with him. I am completely in disbelief about this. He told me that people in marriages are allowed to change their minds about things and that the wife should just mold to whatever the husband wants and support him. He thinks me having a “sister wife” would be beneficial for me and that she could also help me around the house. In reality I believe he only wants to practice that lifestyle for his own selfish reasons and it has nothing to do with me. I told him that he knew I was monogamous before we even got married and that If he wanted to be polygamous he should have entered into a relationship with someone who shares his morals. I flat out said that if he wants to live that type of lifestyle then we need to divorce and he needs to find someone else compatible with this new person he claims to be.
I feel like I am in a bad dream. I understand people can change but he just completely did a whole 360 on me. If he was always like this why would he lie for this long and then flip the script on me like this. I don’t even know who he is anymore. I feel like he doesn’t care if I am miserable as long as he gets what he wants and is happy that is all that matters. I don’t have anything against anyone who wants to practice polygamy and have threesomes but you cannot lie about who you really are, get with someone who does not want to live a lifestyle like that, and then later on down the line try to force them to change to your beliefs. That is a horrible thing to do to someone. I feel sick, hurt, and very angry. I haven’t told anyone in my personal life because I just don’t have the courage to do so yet. He thinks I am overreacting and this is just a normal situation! I just wanted to get someone else’s opinion on this because he keeps trying to make me believe I am just acting crazy. I really don’t even know what to do at this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladylibra21 · 04/12/2023 19:21

I replied and reposted to different people comments who had the same question as to why the polygamy topic came up quite a bit in my marriage.

OP posts:
Mummymummy89 · 04/12/2023 19:23

his response was that men are naturally polygamous and women are not

Oh, goodness. I bet he thinks women will be lining up along the street for a piece of him.

Besides that just mathematically doesn't work, if we were the kind of species where men were "naturally polygamous" and women not, then females would outnumber males hugely so there would be enough to go round. That's the case with some species of spider for example.

He's an idiot

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 04/12/2023 19:25

Ladylibra21 · 04/12/2023 19:18

I just wanted to let everyone know that this is a real post! I also explained why the topic of polygamy has came up more than once on other replies. I just wanted to get some advice from someone outside of the craziness that is my marriage at this point. I know I’ll have to tell my family and close friends eventually if and when this heads to divorce and believe me I am dreading it. I did end up bringing up the idea of a brother husband with him to see what he would say and his response was that men are naturally polygamous and women are not! I told him that he can naturally be polygamous with someone else. Thank you again everyone for the advice it made me realize that he is definitely trying to gaslight me. He can live that lifestyle if he wants but I won’t be apart of it.

Tell him this.

From a biological perspective, the reason men fall asleep after sex is that they've done their bit today to ensure their genetic line is continued. Yes they may need to go find another female tomorrow, but only if this one is actually pregnant. Women, however, are usually more awake and alert after sex. This is because biologically they stand a better chance of continuing THEIR genetic line if they have sex with multiple partners at "mating time". So biologically, women are more polygamous than men.

And then leave him. He's stupid as well as misogynistic. You can do better, even if there's a chance you're a bot.

Nevernot2 · 04/12/2023 19:27

Sounds like a change too big for you to accommodate. Let him get on with it and both of you can be happy.

Watchkeys · 04/12/2023 19:34

The thing is, he can think what he likes about what is normal or what other people would be fine with. If he's trying to get you to do what other people would do, when you're not comfortable with it, he's not respecting your actual feelings.

StrawberryWater · 04/12/2023 19:58

Bring a big burly dude home the bigger the cock the better) and see how your husband feels about that one!

PansyPolly · 04/12/2023 20:34

StrawberryWater · 04/12/2023 19:58

Bring a big burly dude home the bigger the cock the better) and see how your husband feels about that one!

Don’t do this. Don’t use another human with feelings and dignity to make a point.

Watchkeys · 04/12/2023 20:36

StrawberryWater · 04/12/2023 19:58

Bring a big burly dude home the bigger the cock the better) and see how your husband feels about that one!

Hope this wasn't serious advice.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/12/2023 20:42

Sister wife ? Is he having a fucking laugh

look it’s such a non negotiable boundary that I’m sorry sorry to say this but I’d say no
offer separation and let him crack on

so easy to say I know x very hard to have to navigate
but yeah fuck that

Inaspot21 · 04/12/2023 20:42

Watchkeys · 04/12/2023 06:34

that the wife should just mold to whatever the husband wants and support him

This would mean divorce, for me, regardless of the polygamy thing. Who does he think he is? Your boss? Does this reflect his general attitude towards equality?

Same, if a man said this to me he’d be out the door regardless of the circumstances even being discussed! And no, this is not a normal situation and no you are definitely not crazy

gotmychristmasmiracle · 04/12/2023 21:16

Sounds like he's already chosen who the sister wife is going too be. Very odd that he's just sprung this on you, is he having done kind of midlife crisis/breakdown .

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