If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

[Xmasgingerperson]

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

100% you should be offered a biscuit, or something to eat!
Was it for a new baby? That's the only reason I can think that sleep deprived parents might possibly not think to offer nibbles to guests that have driven for 3 hours to see them. Actually, nope. I've never been that inconsiderate no matter how sleep deprived I've been.
Did they offer anything else other than a drink?

Sounds like my sort of family! We have a 5-7 hour drive home and we aren’t allowed to stay over. Last time we weren’t driving straight back and took 7hours to get there. We know what it’s like so we had a picnic in the car on the way down. We saw one family member for only ten minutes and then went to a corner shop and got a sandwich for tea and cold food for breakfast and went to our hotel.

Other times we drive up and down in the one day and stay for about three hours. We pack picnics for both ways.

Over the years we did used to get to stay, I was never allowed to until I was with my DP though. But now we aren’t allowed to stay again ever, not offered cooked food etc so we only go home once every two years for a week if we have saved enough for a self catering holiday. Or it’s up and down in one day.

We have been home for a week once this Spring and made it clear we aren’t coming down with the presents this time and won’t probably be able to afford next year at all either due to cost. Thought we might get an invite to stay from someone but no.

You wouldn't be offered a biscuit here.

You would be offered a selection of homemade cakes. There are always some in the freezer and even if you weren't expected I would quickly defrost some.

Exactly how it should be 🙂

I’m now sure you have visited my family in error 😂😂😂isn’t it just awful! And they have not even had to endure the journey!

This!

It's just courtesy to offer - TBH if someone travelled this length of time to visiy=t me, I'd feed them!

If someone said they'd be arricing at 1, I'd ask if they wanted to have lunch with us.

If they said no, I'd get something sweet to offer with a drink.

I noticed you missed out South Asian, Middle Eastern and African! I can vouch that most, if not all, will not only absolutely insist that you eat, but some may even lock you in the house until you do eat!

I'm afraid that I actually feel quite insulted when people refuse my offerings, but it's cultural. In our culture, hospitality is offered, and refusal will often offend - a bit like when stores refuse you credit 😂.

I have been known, on 5 minutes notice, to quickly grab a tin of chickpeas to make channa and parathas in order to offer whoever is coming round something fresh to eat!

But I'm a feeder, so it's not my fault....

I agree but not all family dynamics work like that.

Bloody hell! They should have provided refreshments as well as a meal. They knew you were coming and how far you had to travel.

I once drove 3 hrs to pick up a cooker (Ebay) and I was provided with cups of tea and lunch and they were strangers. Family should have been more hospitable! Notwithstanding the fact you arrived bearing gifts.

If I were you I'd chalk it up to experience but never repeat that journey.

At a 1pm visit I would make lunch.

Yes and if I had visitors I would offer something- depending on who and how long their journey is.

But you would sure to have nibbles in?

I have family drive an hour to visit me - arrived at 2pm left at around 5pm. I have tea, coffee, wine, beer, cocktail sausages, crudités, mini pizzas, crisp and nuts circulating at various times during their visit.

I live alone - not sure why that relevant. You feed guests - there will be left overs

3 hrs? I take it there was no biscuit because they didn't want you to spoil your appetite as they'd gone to trouble to cook you a nice meal.

If I had someone visiting for 4 hours, I would have some sort of food presented. Something more substantial than a biscuit.

Might they be short of money?

If I had visitors arriving at 13:00, I'd assume they'd like some lunch and would have lunch almost ready or at the very least, a light buffet. I'd consider it the height of rudeness not to properly host a visitor. Tradespeople get offered refreshments and at least biscuits/cakes, depending on how long they're in the house. I have been known to provide a substantial lunch for those who are doing longer jobs.

Do you like them? Do they like you?

It seems very odd to not offer you anything at all, I don't understand why anyone would do that.

When my mum died I was staying with my sister. I went back to her house after being at the hospital all day and holding my mums hand while she died and wasn't offered anything to eat or drink,. She cooked a meal for herself and her husband. My partner and I had to go to the local pub to eat, and she had a massive go at me saying she didn't understand how I could go into a pub when our mum had just died. Obviously there is a huge back story concerning her relationship with our mum.

I do think not being offered food is a message.

I'd have probably made a cake for you or some cheese and fruit scones. But if you were visiting my brother you would have been lucky to be offered a drink... 🤣

How unwelcoming.....if my brother and sil travelled all that way (they live roughly that driving distance away) I would at least offer sandwiches ,scones & cakes etc minimum. ....or a cooked meal on arrival. Its Common courtesy

Not in my family - they would get out their cakes and eat them in front of me and the kids…

and then wonder why I don’t visit any more.

I would have made sure to give you lunch when you arrived (and prearranged with you that of course I was giving you lunch) and if you flat out refused my lunch then I would have offered a proper afternoon tea at 3pm - cake, biscuits and finger sandwiches in case you were more of a savoury person !

very very rude. I don’t care that “they’re family” no need to let good manners fly out the window.

ILs wouldn't have biscuits usually (FIL is diabetic) but they would offer tea/coffee and a meal or takeaway. They also always get the DCs favourite fruits and a cake from the bakery if it's a special occasion. The cake is always obscenely large and we have to take it home with us and never manage to finish it.

For guests arriving at 1 and leaving at 5, after a 2 to 3 hour drive, some (shops bought) sandwiches or batches and cake, tea, coffee, soft drinks - I’d assume a light lunch.

For guests arriving at say 3 after a drive probably tea and cake or biscuits.

For any other guests tea and biscuits depending on what I have in.

Were the festive treats you took not enough to go around everyone?