If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

[Xmasgingerperson]

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

Always offer biscuits, buns, cake with a cuppa. But then I live in Northern Ireland where it's the law to offer food with a cuppa! My granny put out sandwiches, breads, cakes and biscuits with tea. You never left her house hungry.

Why... just why did you allow yourself to be treated like this?! Do you generally let people walked their shit covered boots all over you?

I don’t know what men tend to do when another man calls on them, but I visited a couple of male friends at their homes over the summer and both made tea or coffee and offered biscuits.

I don’t always have biscuits in the house but I’d get some cake in or make some if I was expecting someone to call. If I’d forgotten, I’d offer to make toast with something or sandwiches, cut up some fruit etc.

I don't buy biscuits so I'd fail to meet your expectations.

I would prepare a meal though.

I'm half Irish half Italian. Nobody leaves my house unfed...

I live in england and yes it's a deprived area

That's pretty accurate. But people come to see the kids

Well learn some self restraint or go to the shop literally before they arrive. Your inability to restrain yourself doesn’t justify you being rude to guests by not offering them something.

Then you would be fine, it’s about offering something not necessarily a biscuit. Biscuits are just easy so least someone can do if they don’t want to go to more effort:

I'm disorganised and we don't eat biscuits. When dc were younger, I'd often have people just pop over. It would get so stressful as I'd never have anything in and would have to go to the shops with small dc etc so I learned to have cookie dough in the freezer.
10 minutes on a baking tray and people thought I'd gone to so much trouble. Godsend.

I imagine though those of us who don't get biscuits in for guests, would have already established that:

The guest was arriving at 1 but had already had lunch.

And wanted to leave before tea time.

Ie they really didn't want to eat at our house and were avoiding that for sone reason (I'd assume eating disorder/issues and wanted to control their diet, as other reasons like unclean house or me having no cash to provide food don't apply)

So I'd overall assume food was an issue for this particular guest and avoid the topic or offering anything beyond tea/coffee.

Overall it's a weird visit, deliberately avoiding meal times for unspecified reasons.

Unisex here too, ever since student age. The men tend to put out bigger portions than the women, that's the only difference I'd notice!

In one house as soon as the doorbell rings, he starts making pizzas.

In one house as soon as the doorbell rings, he starts making pizzas.
I take it that's someone from the Italian side of your family, @ColleenDonaghy! Love it!

None! Irish friends. It's their go to easy catering, they keep bases in the freezer and sauce and mozzarella in the fridge. It's a very nice house to visit

I don't understand how so few people manage to communicate beforehand. If I was either driving for 3 hours to visit, or hosting people who had driven for 3 hours, the number one thing to sort is whether they're coming for a meal or not. I'd assume they were but if circumstances meant this wasn't the case I'd then arrange what kind of refreshments they would like.

It isn't about a biscuit though. It's about being offered nothing to eat. The biscuit is an example of the barest minimum that should be offered, and not even that was.

I'm sure if you have guests you offer them something, if not biscuits

Omg thank you. Mumsnetters are so literal. 'I don't have biscuits' the point is would you just sit and stare at guests that have travelled hours to see you, or would you offer them something edible? 🙄

No I genuinely find this so odd I don't have a biscuit tin. I wouldn't plate up a biscuit as that's weird and I don't understand why when someone enters your home you would give them a pack of biscuits just like I wouldn't hand someone a loaf of bread. A drink absolutely, a meal if they come at meal time and want food but a snack for an adult is strange to me

How do you serve the food, I find it so confusing? Do you pass the pot around or just throw it at them as they walk through the door? Generally baffled.

And Mumsnet is meant to be the place where the majority of posters earn 6 figure salaries yeah right

The funny thing is that generosity is usually greater in deprived areas. I come from an area of generational unemployment and deprivation and it is exactly those people who rally round each other.

Biscuits and other nibbles. I would assume I wasn't welcome if all I got was a scabby cup of tea after a three hour drive, and for a,four hour visit. Rude as hell

Don't be silly and extreme - we were not expecting lunch or tea. I'm not going to state " we will want tea and biscuits" when it is imo normal behaviour. I obviously know now that for many it's something they would never think about. I'm thankful that I grew up in such a different way. Even my stingiest Grandmother would give you biscuits😂

If you arrived at 1pm, the family would think you'd had lunch.

Had you? Where on the 3 hour trip did you stop and eat?

Why did they not offer lunch if you were arriving at that time of the day?

There's so much here that we don't know.

We don't buy biscuits. If someone is coming and they might be around for a cup of tea, I would buy biscuits BUT on many occasions they are refused on the basis of 'trying not to' (ie losing weight, being healthier.)

On the other hand if someone was arriving around 1pm, after 3 hours on the road, I'd pretty much insist on providing lunch!

TBH that's the odd bit- arriving then and presumably you ate en route at services or in the car?

Yes?

I have no self restraint which is why I don't have junk food in the house. I don't always know when guests are coming so can't go to the shop beforehand. If its a planned visit around a meal time or evening drinks then food would be discussed beforehand like a takeaway or a meal. If an adult can't go an hour or 2 between meals without a snack there's something wrong

If someone drops by unexpected then it’s fair enough not to have anything to give them and they can’t expect it. Planned visits are different.

In this case it was a 5 hour visit not just an hour or two. whilst not over a mealtime I don’t think offering something mid afternoon would be strange and there’s isn’t something wrong with someone not being able to go 5 or more hours without wanting a snack.