Page 12 | If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

Xmasgingerperson · 2023-11-26T15:01:01+00:00

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

zurala · 27/11/2023 13:00

I don't think it's rude not to offer snacks, OP was I've visiting for 4 hours between meals and had said they would have lunch beforehand so would have just eaten on arrival, then presumably would go and eat fairly soon after leaving? I honestly wouldn't consider there to be a need for food in the interim, however they were given the "festive treats" (that phrase gives me the ick) that they took along so they were in fact able to snack. Did they want other food on top of that? This thread is bizarre. We are humans, not racoons.

Differentstarts · 27/11/2023 13:00

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/11/2023 12:48

If someone drops by unexpected then it’s fair enough not to have anything to give them and they can’t expect it. Planned visits are different.

In this case it was a 5 hour visit not just an hour or two. whilst not over a mealtime I don’t think offering something mid afternoon would be strange and there’s isn’t something wrong with someone not being able to go 5 or more hours without wanting a snack.

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If someone was travelling hours to see us or was planning to stay all day we would of discussed food beforehand. What I'm saying is if someone randomly drops in while passing for a cuppa for an hour (which is 90% of my visitors) I wouldn't feed them as we don't have snack food in my house and it just wouldn't enter my head as nobody I know does this

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 13:01

Did the family member invite OP/family to visit or did they just decide to invite themselves?

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 27/11/2023 13:38

If you weren't wanting lunch or tea, then all you needed was a cup of tea you didn't need a snack/biscuits?

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2023 14:31

Maybe I am not womaning correctly? Do men always offer biscuits? Or whip up a cake?

My dh is FAR more likely to go down the road and get biscuits or cake in. We quite often have people meeting at our house to do with various things each of us are a part of, and I will offer people tea / coffee as soon as they come in, but really don't want biscuits myself evening after evening, so it doesn't really cross my radar to to out and get any. He, OTOH is a biscuit fiend so will happily munch through 1/2 a pack a night.

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2023 14:33

OP I know you started this thread to get people to agree with you it is odd not to offer biscuits, in the scenario you have described, but lots of posters can't get our heads round how it comes about that anyone would drive a 3 hour journey (knowing they were also driving another 3 hours back later), but not share a meal with the people they are visiting.
To most of us that is really bizarre.

How come you don't eat with them when you visit them ?

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 14:33

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 27/11/2023 13:38

If you weren't wanting lunch or tea, then all you needed was a cup of tea you didn't need a snack/biscuits?

Well quite! The OP said she bought something snacky with them anyway for people to share if they did want more food after lunch.

ImTheGoat · 27/11/2023 14:49

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2023 14:31

Maybe I am not womaning correctly? Do men always offer biscuits? Or whip up a cake?

My dh is FAR more likely to go down the road and get biscuits or cake in. We quite often have people meeting at our house to do with various things each of us are a part of, and I will offer people tea / coffee as soon as they come in, but really don't want biscuits myself evening after evening, so it doesn't really cross my radar to to out and get any. He, OTOH is a biscuit fiend so will happily munch through 1/2 a pack a night.

My DH has a kit kat addiction so if you come to ours to visit you'll be sure to be offered a 2 finger kit kat with your cuppa. But don't try to take too many extra kit kats as he's hoping to have loads left over that he can eat guilt-free when you've gone!

steppemum · 27/11/2023 14:53

I am with you OP.
I find it really odd.

If you were coming from 20 mins away and had had lunch and not stopping for dinner, then cup of tea and waitrose bite = fine.
I can't pop round to my mum's for a cup of tea without her worrying that she hasn't got any cake in and that's for a 30 minute visit.

But you've just driven 3 hours to see them and have to drive 3 hours home.
this is the thing that kills me. You have done all that and they don't think they need ot offer you anything!

I would be offering sandwiches, cake/ scones fruit or whatever, not just a biscuit. I can't imagine not offering that to people who have drive 3 hours. I probably wouldn't offer it at 1pm, but I would at about 3.

Only time I wouldn't expect it would be as pp have said, newborn or elderly frail relative. In both those cases though I would offer to bring, make and clear up lunch.

Ocani · 27/11/2023 18:03

Always offer food and drinks to visitors. This is basic manners surely?

Original poster

Xmasgingerperson · 27/11/2023 19:10

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 13:01

Did the family member invite OP/family to visit or did they just decide to invite themselves?

It was planned between us, them and another relative who was there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Xmasgingerperson · 27/11/2023 19:23

UsingChangeofName · 27/11/2023 14:33

OP I know you started this thread to get people to agree with you it is odd not to offer biscuits, in the scenario you have described, but lots of posters can't get our heads round how it comes about that anyone would drive a 3 hour journey (knowing they were also driving another 3 hours back later), but not share a meal with the people they are visiting.
To most of us that is really bizarre.

How come you don't eat with them when you visit them ?

Quite simply because we didn't need a meal during the visit time.
I had breakfast before we left. H in addition had a sandwich at a petrol stop en route. We could have had the biggest lunch in the world but I would still have expected a cup of tea or coffee and an offer of a biscuit/cake. We stopped on the way home and had something to eat. Not everyone eats 3 meals a day either.

Between 1 and 5 is not a meal time to me.

This is such a bizarre place - people have said
I have an eating disorder
I have a hygiene obsession
They have a 3 day old baby
I have mental health problems about eating out of the house to quote a few of the things. It's such an overkill.

To repeat I know now that :
some people never eat biscuits
some people would eat all the biscuits if they had them in the house
some people might offer a biscuit out of a box but not "plate it up"
some people offer only cups of tea
some people see something like this as simple good manners
some people are tight or as we would say in Scotland "wouldn't let you have a sniff of their bum for free"😂

OP posts:

MadisonAvenue · 27/11/2023 22:02

I’m with you OP. We have a three hour drive to visit my mother in law, after she’s invited us, and we’re lucky if she offers biscuits with a cup of tea. She certainly won’t cook for us, but instead expects us to take her out and treat her to dinner and drinks.

She invites herself to stay with us for a few days at a time and I always make sure she’s well looked after, to me that’s good manners, and again she expects to be taken out and treated.

For the record she’s very well off so it’s not as if she can’t afford to be hospitable to visitors, but other family and friends have stopped visiting (although that hasn’t stopped her inviting herself to stay with them!).