If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

[Xmasgingerperson]

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

Am I understanding right- you brought in biscuits when visited and you were offered those biscuits with your tea? So the issue is not no biscuit but more like nothing they had prepared for your visit?

Not very good hosing either way.

If someone is driving 6 hours in a day to give presents to my child, biscuits and the offer a sandwich or a dinner etc should be offered.

Even if they were leaving before tea-time, you'd understand that they'd probably have driven through lunch time to get to you and, likely be driving through dinner time to get back home. So you really should offer something a bit more substantial.

If you don't normally have biscuits, sandwich items etc in, go to the shop and get some! It was a pre-scheduled visit and it's basic hospitality surely, to not allow guest go home starving.

In that case, I think it's ungracious to host someone for four hours without offering food. Even if you were there between meal times.

I find it odd that the plan was for your arrival at 1pm without also being invited for lunch, especially after the drive there.

Travel time to my sister's house is just over two and a half hours. No matter when I arrive, or whether or not I'm staying overnight, she has a roast dinner already cooking and ready to serve. It's pretty poor manners not to offer biscuits at the very least. I usually have a beef or chicken stew bubbling away in the slow cooker when I'm expecting visitors I like who've travelled some distance.

Yes. We used to drive 3 hours each way to visit my ILs on a Wednesday. Every second week.

We would sit there for 2 hours or so then drive home.

Occasionally offered a cup of tea. Never a biscuit. Once or twice a glass of wine.

for about 6 years or so.

I would have offered lunch beforehand. If you didn’t want lunch, I would have bought biscuits and cakes.
Rude not to imo.

Well, more fool you for putting up with that!

If someone - family or friend - travels 3 hours specifically to see you, the least you do is offer a meal. Not to even offer a biscuit is incredibly thoughtless!

Of course you put up with it. It's going to see old and quite infirm relatives.

You put up with alot. It may not be pleasant but it's what you do.

Was this to visit someone who had eg a 4 day old newborn and potentially doesn't even know what their own name is, let alone preempting biscuit requirements?

If you were coming round mine and it was a planned visit you would get something to eat alongside your cup of tea be that a slice of cake, some biscuits, warm scones etc. For me it is poor form not to offer something if someone has made the effort to visit and driven a longish way.

I know not everyone thinks like me. When we visit my OH’s side which is a near 2.5hours drive away we are just offered tea and water for the kids. I don’t usually give fruit juice to my kids so this is fine but I always hope they will have a biscuit or piece of fruit to offer them to show they’re thoughtful but nope. I be been brought up not to visit someone’s house empty handed and whenever we visit always take something be that a box of chocs, a bottle of something nice to drink, some flowers etc. anyway after the first visit to his side it was a case of having sandwiches and snacks with us for our little ones.

Only on MN do some reply ‘well it depends’. Anyone travelling that distance should be offered food and drinks.

Maybe they had stuff planned but as you’d brought some treats to share they didn’t bother.

This thread is bizarre. Why are you making a fuss over a biscuit? I don’t remember the last time I even bought a pack.

Are we supposed to be offering guests biscuits I didn't know this was a thing 😳

I honestly don't understand when I'm supposed to offer a meal then. I don't eat at 4pm (which is when you'd need to be sitting down to eat, given that the op left at 5)?

Not a biscuit - we’re not biscuit people. But you’d be offered a sandwich with your first hot drink, and probably something else to eat later.

The 'gifts for a child' makes me wonder.

I don't keep biscuits in the house as I have no self control. But if someone was coming three hours to see me I'd make them a meal order a deliveroo or take them out for a meal

This is a good point.

If you're driving for 3 hours, aren't you stopping for a break and can't you grab a bite then?

I don't normally have biscuits in the house. But if someone was arriving at 1 I'd make them lunch.

See above about the posters who've said 'depends on context' and 'did you discuss food beforehand' and 'I wouldn't want to fill up on biscuits' (the host should offer, guests can refuse if they don't want to 'fill up on biscuits')
etc etc

Only on MN, honestly

Sorry if the point being made was too subtle for you. The point is, biscuits isn't the issue here. If you have family driving 3 hours to see you, then you provide them with a meal.

The 'it depends' is allowing for the drip feed that this family member has just had her new born triplets come out of NICU the day before, as you tend to get big drip feeds when posters post an out of context question like this. If that were the case, then I wouldn't be worried they hadn't gone to the shop to buy me some biscuits. But, in all normal circumstances, then they should be providing a meal, not a packet of biscuits.

Yes, DH travelled 200 miles to his sister and was offered just a cup of tea, he was absolutely famished.

I do think some of this is cultural. There are houses where someone cannot resist forcing food down my gullet. In order of terrifying compulsions to feed:

German (no I really don't want cake and coffee)
Irish (see above but with tea)
Ugandan (full meal at 7am anyone?)
Yemeni (as above but with sweet treats)
English (biscuits, all the biscuits)
Mongolian (bowl of 'treats', vodka)

But there are houses where you get a drink and no food. I like those houses.

Really?

Do you at least offer a drink?

The only time I wouldn’t offer is if I didn’t expect the visit so was out of nice food but even then I’m sure I’d offer pasta and cheese or think of something !!

i must say I prefer to offer a substantial meal if someone’s driven over an hour so I make a big hot meal and say an apple crumble . To me it can feel less welcoming otherwise . Though I wouldn’t mind even for a second having just a cup of tea if for example it was someone who found it hard to manage or who couldn’t afford to offer more