If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

[Xmasgingerperson]

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

I used to go to visit family. We would do the 'rounds' and it was hellish infuriating when some random aunt would set down a buffet fit to fell a horse at 3 when we had lunch and dinner plans, and had told her but she ignored it.

Clearly that has scarred me more than I realised.

I've never done it, but back in the day we would visit a good family friend ( to MN's nightmare - without warning on a Sunday afternoon!) and we wouldn't be there 5 minutes before she'd bake a cake whilst whipping up some tea and sandwiches without turning a hair!

Lovely woman

I am not very good socially and it's been a life long struggle for me to understand what is or isn't socially acceptable.

With family I would personally always ask whether food will be provided or is expected, as my family all live a long drive away. Friends are a different story...

I'd expect biscuits or cake at least a snack. If arriving at 1pm I would expect they had already eaten. Unless it had been arranged they wanted something.

This makes me think of when we visited PIL. Travelled all day to a foreign country, where they have a 2nd home. Arrived around 11pm. There was no food or wine offered, in fact there was NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE and the shops were closed. Went to bed absolutely starving. The next morning we had to find a shop to buy some food. We have never been back. Its just so polar opposite to my family. You could rock up to my parents at any time of day, and before you'd kicked your shoes off a glass of wine would be in your hand, and you'd smell whatever was cooking for you on the stove.

If I had a guest arriving at 1pm, I would assume they were wanting lunch. If I offered lunch and they refused it I would offer some sort of drink and snack mid afternoon.

After a 3 hour drive I’d expect to offer guests lunch, afternoon tea, or dinner depending on their arrival time and would flex mealtimes to accommodate them. Nobody leaves my house hungry or thirsty.

Of course you offer snacks and refreshments if folk have travelled 3hrs.

Have they form for this, are they gernally bad mannered or maybe chaotic and just didn't think?

I would expect a proper meal. Mind you, people are weird although it can be a bit of a facer when you realise that the weird people are your relatives. I once watched my SIL make my brother (not herself) a coffee and my mother make herself and my father a cup of tea and neither of them offered me anything to drink at all so I got up after they'd sat down again and pointedly made my own drink.

It is polite to ensure you have some sort of snacks/treats/pick me ups to offer someone who is driving 6 hrs in one day to visit you/bring a gift. Very rude of them to have nothing to offer imo. Even if I didn't normally have biscuits or treats in, if I knew someone was coming I would make sure I either bought or baked something to offer them.

Seems very lacking in hospitality to not offer refreshments to someone after a long drive. We offer most people something to eat and drink, it's what you do!

I think I'd expect to arrange to be there for lunch if I was arriving at 1 after a 3 hour drive.

I wouldn't offer unexpected guests biscuits because I can't have them in as I end up eating them.

If I knew I had guests coming and hadn't invited them for a full meal I would make sure I had made a cake or at least bought biscuits.

I don't know how anyone could sit there with expected guests and not offer them anything. To me that's the height of rudeness and totally inhospitable.

I'd be the type who would ask (in a lighthearted way) hey Sarah, have you anything to go with this cuppa, thanks.

They don't want you visiting ever again, that is my take on it. Maybe there is some kind of story behind their appalling behaviour towards you. I wouldn't be visiting again any time soon that's for sure. Not because I am a scoffer, but I would be raging at their sheer rudeness.

I would have offered you lunch. To me that would have been reasonable and normal to offer.

I offer everyone who comes by a drink and a biscuit. Even if they are coming from next door.

I'd expect some kind of food. I'd be unlikely to drive that far without being given lunch, unless it was eg elderly relatives who wouldn't be able to give us lunch. In which case, I wouldn't have any particularly expectations regarding tea etc either.

We don't have biscuits with tea as a rule. But if I was expecting you and for some strange reason you weren't staying for a proper meal then I'd probably make a cake or get nice biscuits in.

I always offer food to anyone coming round to my house to see me, especially if they have travelled. It might not be a biscuit but I'd offer something, maybe a sandwich and cake. I think it's really rude not to offer.

Well if someone travelled 3 hours to get to me right now, I wouldn’t have a biscuit anywhere in the house to offer them.Village post office opens in the morning. Nearest shop open right now is 6 miles each way.

@PlaidCushionProductions Always have an emergency stash somewhere!

Would definitely expect lunch at that time never mind a biscuit!
We had an old schoolfriend of DHs "pop in for a cup of tea" on his way through from A to B. DH hadn't see him for 40 years and had only reacquainted via Facebook a few years earlier. We had no idea what he ate/didn't eat and when it was clear he was not rushing to leave and it was heading towards dinner time we made dinner for him (having told him what was on the menu).
Can't imagine expecting visitors who've travelled and not providing some sort of hospitality.

I'd' want them but no, wouldn't 'expect' them.

I would get bits in if I had visitors but I really wouldn't care if they hadn't if I was visiting, most people on a long journey stop for refreshment or lunch en route surely.

This happens to us visiting relatives a similar distance away. If we bring food to share they put it away. They are not struggling for money. We've cut visits down to twice a year and they complain we don't see them enough.
Tighter than a ducks arse, is the saying that comes to mind.

I don’t really expect snacks and I try not to eat them nowadays, though I’d have been keen on them in my 20s. It probably wouldn’t occur to me to have biscuits in (though it sounds like a Christmas present exchange so I might think mince pies were necessary!). This is to do with getting older and needing to cut back on how much I eat. Somethings have just fallen by the wayside.

But if someone was traveling 3 hours I’d expect to provide a meal unless I was just a pit stop on their way somewhere else (or they weren’t really welcome).

Travelling six hours in one day to visit relatives is absolutely bonkers to me.

But if I took leave of my senses and did decide to do all that driving, I would expect a proper meal, not tea and bloody biscuits - that's what I offer anyone who comes in the door at the bare minimum!

We have organised people to come before and then had a whole lot of crap fall- sick children, couldn’t get time off work etc etc so couldn’t get to the shop before they came. As a result I always give people the benefit of the doubt- some of our visitors think we’re great hosts, clean house, fully stocked fridge and a little gift for them, others think we’ve a filthy house, didn’t get biccies let alone sandwiches and cake and definitely no gift!