If you travelled 3 hours to visit relatives ...

[Xmasgingerperson]

would you expect a biscuit with your cup of tea? I ask because we did this recently and thankfully we had taken something along as well as loads of presents.

What did you eat that day and when?

You left home at 10am. Did you stop at a service station for lunch?
What di this family expect you to have done?

Did you plan to do the same on your return journey?

If you did, a biscuit mid-afternoon was neither here nor there.

I wouldn't even offer a stranger a cup tea without a biscuit, they go hand in hand

After l moved 100 miles from my home town, my mother was very frosty about it. I gave her my new address and phone number, and she said "Well it doesn't matter, l won't be phoning you" and nor did she.
I was working full time, but l drove 'home' every week on my day off. Two hour drive each way, and when l got there l was offered nothing besides a cup of coffee, which l had to make myself.
After that l used to buy a sandwich at Asda on the way to my mothers, and eat it with my coffee.
My cousin was there one day and she couldn't believe l wasn't offered anything to eat after that drive (and bearing in mind l had the same journey back again).
She actually told her sister about it, and they both thought it was totally unreasonable, bearing in mind that out of one week out of two it was my only day off, and it cost me quite a bit in petrol.
It never changed. The most l was ever offered to eat was a chocolate biscuit, otherwise.
That was my mother's way of making it very plain that she was not happy about me moving away and not being at her her beck and call.

Honestly my opinion of this is “more fool you”! Your dm sounds like a nasty cow - why did you do that to yourself?

OP - if I were you I wouldn’t be visiting these people again. In fact apart from my dcs if they move away when they’re older, I wouldn’t travel 6 hours round trip to visit ANYONE. There’s no one I like quite that much, and if I wasn’t offered a biscuit I’d ask for one or make a point of saying “is there anywhere round here to get a snack - we’re a bit peckish after driving all that way”. Why wouldn’t you say something?

I suspect there is a lot of background that OP is not sharing here.

I suspect you are right.

Have they gone to visit the in laws, with whom they have a very strained relationship anyway, who don’t like the OP, didn’t invite them and who hate visitors anyway?

Have they gone to visit a new mum who didn’t invite them, hasn’t slept for days and would rather have seen them in the new year?

As always, a bit more detail would give a bit of context.

Divine this type of journey several times, with two small kids in the back too.

Arrive at FILS, not so much as a fucking glass of cold water offered

Now I just ask for stuff, usually a glass of wine

In our house, and in my family home growing up, if you enter our house, you are immediately given tea/coffee and a plate of biscuits. This applies if you have come from next door or the next county - or to service the boiler!

I'm curious as this is not something iv done or witnessed in my circle. What do you actually so like serve a couple of biscuits on your fine China or like just throw a pack at them for them to eat and is this just with tea and coffee or do you do it with beer and wine too.

Divine this type of journey several times, with two small kids in the back too.

Arrive at FILS, not so much as a fucking glass of cold water offered

But why do you do it? This is what I don’t understand. Is it people martyring themselves in order to seem like they’re doing the right thing despite having fucking rude relatives? I honestly just wouldn’t visit someone who treated me and my family so appallingly.

Unless the person is disabled or ill in some way or doesn’t particularly want you to visit in the first place and is sending a not-so-subtle message I really wouldn’t bother, even if they lived 10 mins away. The first thing any normal person does on receiving visitors is offer a drink and biscuits/cake - unless it was someone I really didn’t want coming round - although tbh I think even then I’d find it difficult to be so unwelcoming.

Re. Why do I do it?

To go see DH's family.

We don't do it anymore since the lack of hospitality!

😐

I don't understand. If you'd driven 3 hours to arrive at 1.00pm, WHY weren't you expecting your hosts to offer you lunch? And if there was a good reason for their being unable to offer you lunch, why didn't you eat lunch somewhere en route and tell them you'd be arriving a bit later than you'd initially said you would? Normal hospitality requires that anyone arriving between 12.00pm and 2.30pm should be offered a meal, particularly after a long journey, and if earlier or later, they should be offered drinks and nibbles of some kind. Particularly after a long journey and if they're not staying for dinner/the night.

No, I don't open the door!
But, if I did, and I knew you were driving three hours to see me, your bedroom would be ready, a meal would be planned (might be a takeaway order in case you had other plans) and yes, tea and biscuits would be available. I'd love to think you could turn up unannounced and I'd whip up a tray bake like a good Protestant, but I haven't reached that stage yet.

Well you can do any of these - or you can offer them a biscuit tin.

As must be abundantly obvious, OP is not necessarily referencing literal biscuits. She is asking if, when visitors make a 6 hours round trip to visit you, you offer them some sort of food - a biscuit being about the minimum that satisfies that description.

After 3 hours I'd definitely offer refreshments and likely a meal but not biscuits. We are a biscuit free zone.

Different are you being deliberately obtuse in that you can't 'understand' how to offer a guest a biscuit as it's not something that happens in your circle?

Mumsnet gets more batshit every day.

There are some right weirdos out there, it's incredibly rude and inhospitable in my opinion -

And as for saying- well I don't eat till 5 - maybe not but if you've got visitors you can get maybe a cake in and some biscuits

I put a selection on a plate and offer them. With beer and wine I probably would offer some nuts or crisps (in a bowl), rather than biscuits.

biscuit free zone ... it's not like we are discussing smoking or cannabis ...

@Ragwort no, palm oil. Much more environmentally damaging.

I'd have expected a massive (winter) salad.

😂That's so true !

Different are you being deliberately obtuse in that you can't 'understand' how to offer a guest a biscuit as it's not something that happens in your circle?

Mumsnet gets more batshit every day.

Maybe posters like this are those MN members who only eat “massive salads” and would never allow something so nutritiously diabolical as a biscuit cross their threshold 🤣

I’d make lunch. If we travel to see in-laws, we’re offered drinks on arrival then a full meal with desserts. Biscuits doesn’t cut it. I’m imagining the OP was being polite ‘Not even offered a fucking biscuit’ might have been written instead, perhaps.

where about a do you live? Is quite a tradition in the British isles and Ireland. A plate of biscuits and some slices of cake on a nice plate.

I have heard it’s not really a thing in the US?

I cannot imagine, that after driving 3 hours to visit a relative, my first words wouldn't be 'get the kettle on'! In fact I'd ring them from the car and say 'we are 10 mins away get a brew ready'.

You stayed 4 hours and didn't ask for a drink or a snack/food?

I'm always genuinely surprised at posts like this. Isn't it proper hosting to have a snack, at least, upon guests' arrival? In my family, any time guests stopped by in the afternoon coffee and buns, cold cuts, pickles, maybe sliced tomato were put out for a bit of a sandwich with some sort of sweet such as cinnamon buns. It was like this across the board at any of my relatives' houses.
At the very least coffee and doughnuts would be put out when people were expected for a short visit.
🇨🇦