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Original poster

Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

444 replies

HatsScarvesGloves · 25/11/2023 19:09

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

OP posts:
notgoingthereagain · 27/11/2023 14:49

<cough> and er, where do you live @Namddf , I think the OP would like to visit for a coffee and Times crossword Wink
Mostly all bald/ing and, if social media profiles are anything to go by, attracted to giant fish here in SE. I suppose at least you can quickly see what you are getting with lycra and it's easy to dry (muses).

restabove · 27/11/2023 14:50

@notgoingthereagain I've never understood the giant fish posts LOL. It's an instant red flag and swipe "no" here.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/11/2023 15:04

@ManAboutTown you are absolutely right I feel- which is why so many of them do their dumping of life's frustrations and issues on their long suffering partners daily in my experience and why those of that disposition rush into finding partners when they find themselves on their Tod .

Sweetglossy · 27/11/2023 15:13

harerunner · 26/11/2023 23:05

@HatsScarvesGloves

🤣 That's not the type I'm looking for! I want someone who would find the very idea distasteful.

You want to find a man that finds the very idea of shagging a 25 yo distasteful?! Hmmm 🤔.... the small pool of men you are seeking has now become the tiniest of tiny puddles 🤣

😂😂 😂 @harerunner

jillss · 27/11/2023 15:35

Most of the middle class men I know in their forties (all of whom are married) are actually very fit and sporty and look after themselves. Cycling, gym, running marathons etc.

I'm talking about the majority of middle aged men you see and meet out and about, 'middle class' or otherwise. That is accurate.

If they were single there would be 25-year-olds queueing up.

You tell yourself that if it helps Wink

User63847439572 · 27/11/2023 15:53

I’ve recently met a very nice one online, 45yo widower, but I nabbed him the first day he was on 😆
i don’t think they stick about!

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:23

This thread is a tad depressing.

I am 31 years old (female) and have been talking to a 45 year old man on a dating app (he is 46 in a few months) .

He has asked me out for dinner.

He is wealthy, so this thread has given me doubts that maybe I'm not young enough for him and he wants someone who is 25 😢😢

notgoingthereagain · 27/11/2023 16:30

@WitheringTights000 he'll probably be glad of a decent conversation! Don't worry what he thinks, you ask the questions that are important to you. He might be a dud and you'll be wishing a 20'something would nip in and take him off all night clubbing...Wink

Namddf · 27/11/2023 16:34

jillss · 27/11/2023 15:35

Most of the middle class men I know in their forties (all of whom are married) are actually very fit and sporty and look after themselves. Cycling, gym, running marathons etc.

I'm talking about the majority of middle aged men you see and meet out and about, 'middle class' or otherwise. That is accurate.

If they were single there would be 25-year-olds queueing up.

You tell yourself that if it helps Wink

I’m not a man, if that’s what you’re implying!

Just relating my experience of middle-aged, middle class men, who are definitely not all bald and overweight. But they are all married.

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:35

@notgoingthereagain - I mean I kind of thought our age gap was significant enough- it is 15 years, I've never been out with someone that much older!

But all the talk on this thread makes it sound like 25 year olds with mid-late 40s men is the norm!

He did put his age on his tinder profile as 40 then wrote in his bio ' I am actually 45 but I identify as 40' - I don't know if that's just chancing his arm or a red flag?! 🥴🥴

Namddf · 27/11/2023 16:40

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:35

@notgoingthereagain - I mean I kind of thought our age gap was significant enough- it is 15 years, I've never been out with someone that much older!

But all the talk on this thread makes it sound like 25 year olds with mid-late 40s men is the norm!

He did put his age on his tinder profile as 40 then wrote in his bio ' I am actually 45 but I identify as 40' - I don't know if that's just chancing his arm or a red flag?! 🥴🥴

😂

I identify as 19!

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:47

@Namddf - haha I know, me too!

I haven't dated in a very long time so I just don't know if that's him being cheeky and having a joke or if it is a bad sign?!

kiwiaddict · 27/11/2023 16:47

HatsScarvesGloves · 25/11/2023 19:28

I know most are married but there must be a few remainders! Or widowed ones like me? Or divorced but not because they were unfaithful slobs?

Hmm... I'm not aware of a ballet club teeming with hot single men. Maybe amateur dramatics though?

I don't know where they are, but yes there's definitely a few gems around at any age. You sound like one 😊

minipie · 27/11/2023 16:49

I am actually 45 but I identify as 40

🤣 I suppose at least he’s honest once he gets past the search filters… “identify as” though hahaha

OP, I haven’t read all the posts so these may have been suggested but in your shoes I would join various galleries/museums/NT places near you and go to all the member events. More chance of chat there than ballet or theatre and more chance of people looking to fill their time and make friends and beyond. In spring, tennis or rowing club maybe? And has Guardian dating been suggested…

Pipsquiggle · 27/11/2023 16:50

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:23

This thread is a tad depressing.

I am 31 years old (female) and have been talking to a 45 year old man on a dating app (he is 46 in a few months) .

He has asked me out for dinner.

He is wealthy, so this thread has given me doubts that maybe I'm not young enough for him and he wants someone who is 25 😢😢

@WitheringTights000

I would say you were just the right age for a 46 yr old man who thinks they would like a younger partner - but I think you probably know that.

Is he divorced or never married?

I just know quite a few men who have left their perimenopausal wives &/or young DC for a younger woman. Sometimes these relationships have lasted, mostly not as they didn't have a lot in common and were at different life stages.

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 16:55

@Pipsquiggle - when you say 'just about the right age' , do you mean almost too old for him? ☹️

What happens when I am 32?! I mean we all age at the end of the day, himself included.

I am unsure if he has ever been married or if he is divorced. He has mentioned an ex though.

My dickhead radar is a tad off these days so any insight is appreciated haha ....

RudsyFarmer · 27/11/2023 16:56

I also managed to find the unicorn 10 years ago. Wealthy, handsome, recently unattached and no kids. He’d been on there about a week whereas I’d been on and off for years.

You can find them but you have to be very active online and pounce.

CupOfNaff · 27/11/2023 17:01

@WitheringTights000

It would be a red flag from me, but maybe if you're bored for winter and want to go on a random dinner or night out for a laugh with no expectations.....

(I'd actually suspect he was double-bluffing with his age and was actually older than 45 with some other skeletons in the closet, or hiding children or something).

Would you have accepted a meet without the hints about his "wealth"? (again, if he is very rich and genuinely an eligible bachelor, why is he online on a free site trying to trick younger women into swiping on him). Have you found his socials/LinkedIn for verification?

I think a lot of the older guys who target younger women do so as they think they can "impress" or "bullshit" easier. They sometimes lurk around tourist hotspots so they can bullshit international visitors or tourists.

("No Dave, I may have a baby face but I do know that you are not "country gentry with a holiday home and property abroad" because you have a mortgaged terraced house in Reading and your mum has a timeshare in Tenerife")

Pipsquiggle · 27/11/2023 17:03

@WitheringTights000

But all the talk on this thread makes it sound like 25 year olds with mid-late 40s men is the norm!

No it's not the norm, it's a cliche.
The vast majority of mid 40s men I know, and I know a lot of them as I am a mid 40s woman, are decent people who love their families and work hard.
A few of them never grew up and still think they are like Jason Priestly from 90210. They are generally a lower calibre of person

Original poster
HatsScarvesGloves · 27/11/2023 17:04

notgoingthereagain · 27/11/2023 14:49

<cough> and er, where do you live @Namddf , I think the OP would like to visit for a coffee and Times crossword Wink
Mostly all bald/ing and, if social media profiles are anything to go by, attracted to giant fish here in SE. I suppose at least you can quickly see what you are getting with lycra and it's easy to dry (muses).

🤣🤣🤣 Sounds like a great first date to me! Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were that simple? I could meet someone on this thread and -boom! - by next week we could be sitting in the theatre together! But seeing how this thread has developed I fear it will be a tad more of a challenge.

I joined a walking club on meetup today though 🙂

OP posts:
Changed18 · 27/11/2023 17:14

I have middle class single male friends who haven’t settled down mostly because they didn’t want kids and everyone they went out with did, in the end. Must be plenty of them out there.

Friends met people at local outdoors adventure type clubs. If it’s just walking you risk them being retired, if a bit more adventurey you might get the age down a bit.

WitheringTights000 · 27/11/2023 17:23

@CupOfNaff - oh dear, I don't like the sound of double bluffing LOL, but I don't think he looks older than 45/46 years old.

In terms of LinkedIn etc, yes I have verified, I am actually a recruiter so it's very easy for me to find people even with little information haha...

Also, we have exchanged numbers as we will be meeting up in the near future. His phone number is a Monaco number ( from the phone code) ....he spends part of his time where I live and part of his time there.

Again, I don't know if this is dodgy or not?! Haha

But I do think my 'dodgy' radar is slightly off at the moment.

harerunner · 27/11/2023 17:38

@Namddf

Most of the middle class men I know in their forties (all of whom are married) are actually very fit and sporty and look after themselves. Cycling, gym, running marathons etc. If they were single there would be 25-year-olds queueing up.

The number of attractive 25 year olds interested in 40-something men, even fit and healthy ones, are pretty small. Of course, there are some, but they are the exception to the rule!

Also, a man who is wealthy when married, is often considerably less so when divorced!

NosamLDN · 27/11/2023 17:41

arethereanyleftatall · 25/11/2023 19:51

So, I found one two years ago. Exactly as you describe. We matched, immediately chatted and went out for a date the next day. I was his first chat, his first date, he was my 30th (ish) date, 1000th ish chat. We went out for 4 months and whilst it was fabulous fun, (champagne in Paris on date 6 anyone?) it was clear we weren't that compatible. Ended. Np. Anyway, I went back online about a week later, him 2 weeks. His profile was up for 1 day. I know from friends he met someone immediately again, his second date (very very glamorous, ski-er, oxford Uni, 40s, beautiful) and he is still with her 2 years later (now).

Anyway, my point is you have to be very lucky. If I had not have been online that particular day, he would have been gone. There are so so few of them, and thousands of gorgeous fabulous women looking for them.

Interestingly, his first wife who had an affair which was the reason they split, is now absolutely gutted, now she's realised how few of him left there are.

How and why are you keeping up with his current life?

NosamLDN · 27/11/2023 17:43

I know they say not to lower your standards but when you are moving up in age, the tall dark and handsome you once could pull at 23, is now 40 and sadly, looking to pull the newly 23-year-old something girl. Just the reality of life. I know many will disagree but this is reality. Of course you are not saying tall, dark and handsome but they do not necessarily have to be middle class or into all your likes(you can sway one's taste eventually)

Male here and I see how my dating pool is lately (mid-30s myself)

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