Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

Agree with this 100%

I think as soon as you meet the kids and you put the kids together you can tell if something is likely to work or not.

It may just have been that he realised this. But he could still have had the balls to say so.

None of us can know why he's choosing to do the slow fade and it's pointless to guess why. I can understand you really wanting to know why, I've been there myself. But nobody here can tell you.

All we do know is that he is a coward, too spineless to communicate and let you know what's going on. Everyone knows that fading on or ghosting someone causes a lot of stress and upset. You deserve better. Once you've had some time and distance you won't care why anymore.

If someone’s not being abusive or harassing what’s the point in blocking? Seems childish to me. If he doesn’t want to see you anymore then no need to block. If he texts and you don’t want to see him again then only block if he harasses you.

There is no fcking way a person doesnt have 20 seconds spare in an entire week to send a text message

agree with this

and I also agree with the idea that people should have honest and open communication
BUT THEY DONT

hence this thread and actually this forum

@willWillSmithsmith blocking someone can help to give closure, to know that you're never going to hear from someone again. It's really painful to wait for a message that never arrives. It can help to take control.

You block for your own piece of mind, he won't even know if he's blocked.

I agree with this. When I was online dating, I would often text people they weren't for me for whatever reason. And then they'd block me. I always thought that that just confirmed they were a bit of a twat, since I'd just told them I wasn't interested, so had no intention of contacting them anyway. It's a very 'throw toys out of pram' response. Blocking is only for if someone is harrassing you. But if they've already told you they're not interested, then it's just embarrassing.

But if they've already told you they're not interested, even if via ghosting, then you already have closure. I wouldn't give someone the pleasure of blocking them - it tells them that you care, - I'd rather they didn't know if I cared or not.

I’ve read your posts OP but not the others so apologise if I’m parroting others (although I doubt it, knowing some of the harridans on here 😂). Could you send him a last message saying you’re sad that you haven’t heard from him, you weren’t looking for anyone but you thought you were lovely together, you’ll miss your friendship but you wish the best for him and his DC. That way you’ll say what you’re thinking but in a dignified way. If he doesn’t reply he’s not the person you imagine he is and it will be easier to let him go. You don’t need another wet lettuce by the sound of it.

I hope it’s just a blip and he gets back in touch and apologises and wish you a happy future with or without him. X

I agree. Unless someone is being a pest and won’t take no for an answer, I don’t block. Personally I think it sends the message that you’re really bothered - just not responding at all is a much better way imo.

I am the idiot who insulted 50 years olds. How are you managing not to be saggy and baggy? I work out two hours a day - lift weights, run, pilates, yoga the flippin lot but I cannot defy gravity! Have you had a face lift?

@Trommelgeroffel OP is (I am guessing from age of kids) probably in her thirties, I was just pointing out that she is probably less baggy and saggy than someone in their fifties, and she might prefer someone firmer to match her! What is wrong with that?

@Trommelgeroffel I mean that's how we can tell someone is older because they are saggier and baggier, otherwise we wouldn't know!

😂I don't even wear make up, never mind having any kind of surgery!!

I am clearly not in the first flush of youth and don't pretend to be - but I struck lucky with my cheekbones and don't do anything gym-related, but I walk everywhere and am pretty much the same shape as I was in my 20s. If I thought I was becoming saggy, I'm not quite sure what I'd do, but I'd be a bit upset by it. I realise this makes me a bit shallow, though.

My partner is in his 60s and maybe he's a bit saggy. But he's bloody gorgeous! So a bit of sogginess is no barrier to a lovely relationship which includes mutual attraction and lots of sex.

However, being incompatible (as the OP and this man are, for whatever reason) is definitely a barrier. I don't think his age and "sogginess" are the problems here.

Sorry this hasn’t worked out OP. It does sound like his wealth and success were aspects that were always top of mind for you, I’m not at all saying it was why you liked him, but that you were hyper sensitive to it and he probably noticed.
For example I find it very weird that you never bought him lunch or a drink, and that you are happy to admit that. IME most people don’t let others pay for everything just because the other person can more easily afford it. That’s a really sad approach. For example I outearn my sisters and friends by a considerable amount, and we all know it, but we will always fight each other to pay the bill. Sometimes I win and I pay and sometimes I don’t. The main thing is that no one takes anyone else for granted. As the “wealthier” person it can feel pretty rotten to never have someone want to “treat” you. You can end up feeling a bit taken for granted. The fact it’s just a simple coffee and a baguette makes it almost even more sad that it always defaulted to him to pay. Maybe he saw the future and didn’t want to be the default payroll.

@Trommelgeroffel do you not have eye bags? I have eye bags, if you know how I can rid myself of them without a surgeon plunging a knife into my face, please let me know

Not particularly. I'm chiselled generally, though you can 100% tell that I'm not young just because all older people look somewhere within 5 years of their age, even if they look good. I was going to say "all older people who haven't had things done" - but I personally think that people who have had things done still look their age, but a bit differently.

I have lines, particularly round the sides of my mouth - but the real secret to hiding eye bags and wrinkles is wearing glasses, which I have worn since I was about 13! Odd as it might sound, they hide all kinds of things.

Sorry - just seen this. It's a good question. I just don't think that someone's "firmness" is a good indicator of whether or not they're good relationship material. OP says she's in her 40s, so she's not that much younger than this man anyway - but even so, it sounds as if she'd be better forgetting about this one and taking a bit of time to enjoy her children and her own company.

I would reply properly but I suddenly have to rush out to Specsavers!

I asked him myself why he was interested in me when he could have his pick of gorgeous young women.

Good grief, did you really? I think that sounds like someone with really low self-esteem, I'd NEVER say that to a guy, even if I thought it!

You do come across a bit like gushing over him iykwim, like you were trying too hard and didn't think you were good enough for him.

Also I'm curious as to how you knew he is super-mega-wealthy-with-a-yacht after 6 months of dating? Is it coz he told you how mega wealthy and successful he is? I didn't find out how wealthy my dh was until we'd been dating a couple of years and moved in together. When he told me the budget for our first house I was in shock, he is a very modest guy and doesnt feel the need to brag about his success.

I wonder if as a pp said seeing the dc's together made him realise it could be chaotic and have second thoughts? Anyhow, I'd just leave it now - don't chase him whatever you do, he'd probably love that!

Then don’t let him have the power of slow fading you, OP. Take control of the situation and formally end it. Message: Great to have met you, but it seems things have run their course. Best of luck to you and your family.

Laughing at the ridiculous gold digger comments. A woman can find money an attractive quality – it’s no one’s business but the couples.

@willWillSmithsmith

I don't think the blocked person can tell if they've been blocked on WhatsApp? If I'm blocking someone I don't really care what they think about it though. I'm blocking them because I don't want to hear from them anymore.

I wouldn't block someone who had rejected me by communicating properly as there's no need to. I would block someone who was messing me around as the on-again, off-again communication would mess with my head. It doesn't matter to me if they think I'm childish. If they've decided to ghost me then they won't even see anyway.

It doesn't really matter whether she blocks him or not though, it's unlikely to affect the outcome.

Honestly this whole thing of not wanting to seem too needy is fair enough but at the same time after 6 months I would want an answer. I would just call and say hey I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit distant lately, shall we call it a day or do you want to continue seeing each other and you have been genuinely distracted? No worries either way would just rather know I stand.

I wouldn't block someone who had rejected me by communicating properly as there's no need to. I would block someone who was messing me around as the on-again, off-again communication would mess with my head. It doesn't matter to me if they think I'm childish. If they've decided to ghost me then they won't even see anyway

Same. If someone kept ghosting me, then coming back as if nothing had happened then ghosting again then returning etc you’d better believe I’d block their ass. I’m not being picked up and put down when it’s convenient for them. If they can’t communicate like an adult and instead choose to play emotional peekaboo then they deserve to be blocked.