Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

[Mathea]

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

It's not the trainers. They're the tip of an iceberg only he is noticing at the moment but will soon be very apparent. Time for a talk.

Travelling is about comfort not style.
I agree with others this us about him or about other issues he has in the marriage.

he said that some summer trousers 'suit me a lot better than jeans do'. That made me think he doesn't think I look great in jeans (

Blimey OP that isn't a compliment. You really need a long hard look at your marriage and your boundaries before even thinking of trying for kids. (If you are)

This one is going to get worse and worse!

He's seems pretty keen on chipping away at your self esteem doesn't he?

What a controlling wanker.

I always wear trainers on a flight as I usually only pack sandals and flip flops so like to have a pair of trainers for any trips etc.

My friend always wears crocs on plane which I hate but her feet none of my business.

I've gone BC on some long haul flights. I wear joggers, trainers and a t shirt (I always get hot on planes!). No one else in BC was what I would call "dressed up".

The only men who've ever made negative comments about my clothing have ended up being abusive in other ways. So I think this a huge red flag. Personally I would think long and hard about your relationship, as to whether there are other examples of controlling behaviour.

If you wait until your confidence is at rock bottom, it will be so much harder to leave, if that's what you decide.

Anything goes these days, and who I wonder spends their time looking at other people's feet FGS.

Something is amiss. Is he an Adonis or something? Hope your holiday goes ok and your choice of clothing and footwear meets with his approval. No I don't mean that, it was meant tongue in cheek.

Tell him when you want him to comment on your appearance you'll ask him - otherwise to keep his mouth closed. 😡

How would he react if you started making similar comments to him?

"ooh, DH, that colour suits you much better than your X shirt". "Are you wearing THAT?"

What fancy designer outfit was he wearing to the outfit??

(p.s. your trainers look brand new to me!)

"It's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport". Really? Says whom? He sounds hyper critical- not good - hope this remark is a one off!

The trainers look great and ideal for giving your husband a massive kick in the balls prior to filing for divorce

Tell him next time you want style advice you’ll go on holiday with Gok Wan

Missing point of thread entirely.... those trainers are GORGEOUS ... I would be admiring them in the airport, and want some myself!!!

I think the trainer comment is just a red herring comment,

It's symptomatic of something else deeper issues in your relationship Op,

Your trainers look like comformy to wear shoes and reasonably clean,

So what's his issue

He comes across as a garden variety, far too common Judgmental Prick .

This exactly.

My ex did this - "you'd look nice in that" in a shop (implication that I don't usually look nice), "you'd look nice with your hair like that" about someone on TV, etc., buying makeup and clothes as presents.

It sort of sounds like nothing but he very much ramped up the controlling behaviour over the time we were together (and was also a cheating b**d) and these were the red flags I totally missed.

Your post made me sad for you. I hope you can go on and have a lovely holiday in spite of what he said x

You're travelling and you need something comfy for travelling (and it's not sandals weather in the UK if you're starting off here, plus your other trainers were out of action.)

They're not that bad anyway.

He's not being very nice. I assume not every item of clothing he owns is top notch.

Next time wear stilettos. He can carry all the bags and hold your hand as you can't walk in them. That'll teach him.

This is the thin end of a big wedge. It's a him issue, nothing you have done (except maybe marrying him). What happens when you comment on what he wears? How's the holiday going?

"It's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport". Really?

Exactly! Travelling=comfortable clothes. There's not a dress code for airports.

Those trainers look absolutely fine. I'd tell him to bugger off and stop being such a tit! Very few people dress up posh if they are going to the airport just to go on holiday. Casual and comfortable is the order of the day whenever we go anywhere.

You don't have a trainers problem. You have a twatty DH problem.

i wear trainers everywhere unless theres an actual dress code

you travel for comfrot its ridiculous to try and dress up

is this the cardigan bloke

The excessive pickiness is a sign the marriage is breaking down. At least it was with my first husband. It got so bad that he told me that I didn't pick items off the grocery shelves correctly. It's not about shoes; it's about him mentally and emotionally pulling away from you.

I was going to ask if this was the husband who also was a cruel dick about the cardigan (which was lovely) back in August. What worries me is that it’s using the same word (scruffy) which isn’t a big deal, but then the same language, which is a big deal: “am I too sensitive?” It asked this in the cardigan OP, and it asks that in this OP.

Most of us, as you can see from the comments, OP, have an internal mechanism that tells us, “This person is being mean to me!!! I’m NOT too sensitive!” I’m worried that either, due to something in your past, or due to the way your husband has been programming’ you with his constant hurtful little comments (like you pointed out, even his compliments hurt, when he says, “you look nice in summer trousers… so much better than you do in jeans” what an asshole), that your internal mechanism that helps you tell when someone is being mean to you is broken. So… maybe trust the absolute avalanche of women here telling you: those shoes ARE NOT scruffy, he doesn’t have the right to criticize you even if they WERE, and it’s time to tell him that he either learns how to shut up with his snide comments and backhanded compliments or it’s time for counseling, or separation - whichever you prefer.