Is he cheating??

[Chelc23]

hi, I have been with my partner almost 10 years and we have a 5 year old together. A few months back I found he had been searching a female colleague up on Facebook, when I asked him why he said he needed to ask her something regarding work, they have work phones so I didn’t believe it but let it go. He instills telephone lines and they’re always on jobs together, plus he is her team leader. But she is constantly phoning him and I’ve overheard conversations which sounds flirty. Yesterday I phoned him and she answered his phone which really annoyed me. And then for some reason I counted the condoms in his drawer yesterday and looked today and 2 have gone. but I keep thinking I probably miscounted. I just don’t know what to do. Whether I’m just over reacting and being paranoid.

Hun I'm sorry but you know the answer already. Time to have a difficult conversation with him. Wish you all the best

Maybe each thing on its own could be explained away but the flirty call and her answering his phone would definitely lead me to think something is going on. The front of her to answer his phone.....she's not backwards in coming forwards is she, she'll have known who she was answering the phone to too. Really sorry op

Seems that way.

When I questioned him about who answered his phoned, he said no one. So I said a woman answered and he went oh yeah it would have been sally (not her name obviously, won’t put her real name) I was in the loft doing a job so couldn’t answer. Yet he had text me straight back as I had put it down and he said in a loft. So for him to text straight back they were obviously together and him not in a loft.

Aargghhh am sorry it doesn't sound good. How is your relationship with DH overall?

And is she single?

Really good. We have an amazing relationship, a really healthy sex life. so I don’t understand. Maybe I am just being paranoid but I can’t explain why there is missing condoms?

Keep counting the condons to be sure take a photo and one after to have proof

I mean if anymore go missing.

I wrote down yesterday how many there were as i knew I would forgot so I’m certain I didn’t miscount. I’m going to keep counting them for a few weeks, he’s got a few nights out coming up so going to wait and see if he takes any out with him.

I’m not sure if she is single. When I questioned about the Facebook search he said he weren’t interested and said she was a bunny boiler and told me she was having trouble with a recent ex being controlling.

Good idea. And then he can't back out of that. Just photos are concrete.

Seen too many liars on here unfortunately.

yes I will take photos in future. Thank you!

@Chelc23 get your ducks in a row now!! it doesnt look good from where I am sitting! is there any chance you can follow behind him when dd is at school just to see where he goes and who he goes with? does he finish work at the same time every night?

I can’t as I don’t drive and he works all over I wouldn’t even know where he’s gone as he leaves an hour before I take my child to school. He finishes at different times every day. Past two nights he’s been home late and I know he’s been working with her

There's to many things there for it to be coincidental...

The flirty conversations.
The facebook search.
The missing condoms.
She answers his phone.
He lies about where he is when she answers his phone, when clearly he was right next to her.

I'd also suggest that him describing her as a 'bunny boiler' (lovely mysognestic term from him there) was a bit obvious..... he couldn't say 'the nice woman from work who I flirt with, so tried to put you off the scent by insulting her. Eurgh.

Definitely keep a check on those condoms, and the photos.

At some point you'll need to raise it with him. Depending on how good he is at lying to you, you won't know if he's telling the truth or not if he denies it. So some evidence in your back pocket will help. Don't declare that up front. Just ask about his relationship with her. If he asks what you're talking about, you don't have to tell him why you're suspicious. It will knock him off his balance if he's uncertain how you know / who's seen them together / who's told you. It will be harder for him to deny it if he thinks you have evidence (and doesn't know what the evidence is).

My ex said the exact same things to me "she is having trouble with her ex so I'm helping her".

The help involved putting his penis in her vagina, as I later learned.

My husband of 2 years is messaging the woman he had an affair with when he was married previously.
Back story is predictable he’s a Dr, she’s a nurse…. 10 years ago I get a job in the department they worked in. I hear the rumours about them (didn’t care what they were up to as I was going through a divorce). Fast forward 5 years he asks me out. After 1 year the “secret” was out we’d been seeing one another. 3 years ago she got divorced, becomes my line manager and my now husband gets a job elsewhere.
Sunday we had boarded our flight home and I clearly saw he was messaging her, I couldn’t see the content but saw her name. I was really taken aback I’d seen her name but kept silent for some reason.
I am now watching him smile when he’s reading messages, noticed that he’s quite secretive with his phone, has WhatsApp messages archived as I can see notifications
I won’t snoop as I’m afraid of what I’ll read.

Thoughts????

@theunderstudy, if you will start your own thread, you’ll get lots of advice and support.

How do I do that I’m new 🤦🏻‍♀️

@theunderstudy, scroll to the top and click on the dark blue oval ‘Start New Thread’ button.

When I mentioned to my ex about a woman he used to go to school with that kept on watching my Instagram stories he said
"Oh bless her, she's a little bit disabled"
I kid you not.
To throw me off the scent because obviously he would never be interested in someone ✨ a little bit disabled ✨
She was actually someone he had been sleeping with since school years.
A horrid horrid man.

@Chelc23 can you somehow get a tracker on his phone or buy one and hide it in his bag or something?

we do have each others location (iPhone) but I wouldn’t know if he’s with her as he works in all sorts of places.

@perfectcolourfound yes it’s definitely too coincidental. He’s very good at lying so I don’t think I will ever get the truth unless I find some evidence. I don’t want to go in all guns blazing yet but it’s eating away at me and just want to scream at him! I’m still fuming about her answering his phone yesterday.