Is he cheating??

[Chelc23]

hi, I have been with my partner almost 10 years and we have a 5 year old together. A few months back I found he had been searching a female colleague up on Facebook, when I asked him why he said he needed to ask her something regarding work, they have work phones so I didn’t believe it but let it go. He instills telephone lines and they’re always on jobs together, plus he is her team leader. But she is constantly phoning him and I’ve overheard conversations which sounds flirty. Yesterday I phoned him and she answered his phone which really annoyed me. And then for some reason I counted the condoms in his drawer yesterday and looked today and 2 have gone. but I keep thinking I probably miscounted. I just don’t know what to do. Whether I’m just over reacting and being paranoid.

I thought the same about my, now ex dh. It took me 2 weeks of snooping and I found one text msg he'd forgotten to delete in the middle of the night that confirmed my suspicions. He never went out, always left his phone unlocked etc. I always thought the was a bit of a techno muppet, but he was perfectly capable of covering his tracks. He also took time off work and pretended to go into work to spend time with her.

Never underestimate someone's capacity for deceit.

Op bear in mind that many people posting will have been cheated on
so therefore your situation turned awfully badly for them and they naturally source from that place

whatever this is I’m really thinking if he’s a decent man you talk to him and end this mental torment
tell him every single thing and worry you have said here

his response will speak volumes
what’s that number
why did the Condoms go missing ?
and why did that bitch answer his phone !

and if you can’t discuss this with him , that’s an issue in itself x

I know. You’re all right. I can’t bear to sit on it much longer so I’ve sent him a message to say we need to talk! And omg my heart feels like it’s going to come out my chest I am so anxious!

I agree that many people will be responding who know they have been cheated on. I have not had that experience and am posting because objectively it doesn’t sound right.

(FWIW, I haven't been cheated on either.)

Good luck OP. Regardless of outcome, a conversation needs to be had.

Sending strength

Good luck hope the chat goes well. I haven’t been cheated on either I just know people can be deceitful and really cover their tracks. Really hope it’s nothing but I’d maybe ask to see his phone as he’s right with you and see his call log - maybe ask him to tell you who the number is he’s calling etc.

It’s really important to point out that not everyone is posting from the position of being cheated on.

Some are posting from the position of ‘boring’ old happy relationships, where the sort of behaviour being displayed by the OP’s partner just feels very, very off.

Not so-called ‘bitter’ women who hate men.

But content women with men who definitely do not behave this way.

Just pointing this out for a bit of balance.

All the very best for your chat, @Chelc23

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. Ive spoken to him and we have had a good chat and he came home from work as he knew how upset I was. And he’s reassured me let me look through his work phone, van etc. said he won’t go out at the weekend or his works do if I’m not comfortable. And I believe him. so going to delete this thread now. Thanks again everyone!

I'm glad you had a good outcome! Try to relax now but do keep an eye in the back of your head xx

Not so-called ‘bitter’ women who hate men

that’s not what I meant and I certainly didn’t word it that way !
I’d never say that a woman who’s been betrayed is a bitter man hater
that would be unkind

my main concern has now been addressed and so this threads deleted

good luck OP

How is him agreeing to not go out if she doesn’t want a good outcome? On what planet is him being grounded a good outcome. She either trusts him or she doesn’t, searching his van and phone, not going to go out is a shocking outcome.

I don't think this is sorted. How did he explain the missing condoms

What was his reasoning for the two missing condoms?

Glad you talked and feel better although as others asked what was the missing condoms response?

Doesn’t matter if she’s not single. The woman that my dp was having an affair with pulled that line “I have a boyfriend”

If the genders were reversed and a,woman posted she’d had to leave work early, let her partner search her car and phone, and not to go out either with friends or to her work event if he decided otherwise there would be an absolute outcry , not good outcome mate.

and yes what about the apparent missing condoms?

Just to clarify, he didn’t leave work early so I could “search his van and phone” which I haven’t! He came home because I was upset and he wanted to make sure I was ok. I ain’t stopping him going out either. The condoms were a miscount.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite I do think it’s sorted actually as it’s my relationship?

I’ve deleted this thread for a reason. And as I much as I appreciate everyone’s advice and comments all is fine so no one needs to concerns themselves any further. Thank you!!

@Chelc23 The condoms were a miscount

so the other two have reappeared?

@SusanKennedyshouldLTB none were missing.

Ok fair dues. You say you miscounted but you were sure you hadn't earlier. Anyway I'm glad you have sorted it although you haven't as now you are checking up on him all the time. All the best!

OP I’m pleased you are happy with the outcome. However, how have you been convinced you miscounted the condoms?

@Chelc23 How did you miscount such a low number?

Miscounted 2 hardly a low number? I counted from the wrong pack. Anyway im not explaining myself any further! Don’t understand why anyone is bothered!!

@Chelc23, you say the condoms were a miscount, but there have been other red flags. I still think that boundaries have been blurred and lines have been crossed between them.

• His blowing up in anger, blame shifting, and and making you out to be a psycho when you asked about his FB search.
• His lying to you that ‘no one’ answered his phone when it had clearly been her.
• Their flirting and giggling on the phone during her frequent calls.
• And this: ”He’s very good at lying. He’s good at getting out of situations and making things up.”

I wish you well, @Chelc23.

I have been thinking of you op, and am so glad that you are feeling better. I have been through the opposite outcome, and the anguish of it is just terrible, so I am truly relieved and happy for you.