Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
warriorofhopelessness · 16/11/2023 19:58

LanaBeady · 16/11/2023 08:38

Were you being a bit 'girly', OP? I'd be pissed off with someone being wet - but I would just politely thank them for a nice day, and never see them again.

He, however, was very rude and unpleasant - especially his snide little comment about how you'd be bound to text him. He is also old enough to be your father, and I suspect he would be a controlling type. He'd also spend every weekend climbing sodding mountains.

I don't know why you're giving him a single second's further thought.

A bit girly? Wtaf? It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and can actually be quite dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing, speaking as someone who has climbed Snowden and also didn’t enjoy it because the weather was awful. The fact he didn’t help her down when she is inexperienced says it all.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:58

It occurred to me you could agree to go up a mountain with him again, go near a dangerous edge and give him a good push over it. Tell him as he's falling that you had to do it because he disappointed you!

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:03

This reminds me of some fuckwit I dated who shamed me into going ice skating as he said I was being wet not attempting it. Instead of telling himself to go fuck himself every which way, I stupidly went on the crappy ice rink that was covered in holes, fell and got a really bad shoulder injury which I still suffer with 20 years on. Anyway hopefully something revolting has happened to him, I live in hope.

Islandofmisadventure · 16/11/2023 20:04

What a truly horrible man. I was raging just from reading this. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction and please don’t ever put up with this crap.

edired to add - and please please please do not text him. Block and move on.

Kyliemichelletaylor · 16/11/2023 20:04

Do NOT doubt yourself. He sounds like a selfish kn*b and absolute sulky child. Pat yourself on the back for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and block him. I think his ‘you’ll text me in a few days no doubt‘ line shows him to be an arrogant, pompous arse

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:07

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:33

Great ageism too.

He's 43 not 73.

He doesn't have wrinkly balls anymore than a 43 year old woman has a wrinkly vulva.

Show quote history

I bet he does have wrinkly balls though

Original poster
Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 20:08

I feel happy about the fact that he is expecting me to text him and will probably be shocked when I dont

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 16/11/2023 20:09

@Wouldthati Grin He obviously has a very high opinion of himself.

Katbum · 16/11/2023 20:10

block. Delete. Move on.

mapleriver · 16/11/2023 20:11

He might have done it to knock your confidence and put you in your place a bit because you're alot younger and more desirable than him. It won't be the first time he does it, he'll be insulting foods you like, music, anything to make himself seem superior if he's that type. Get rid and find a nice man your own age that won't need a blue pill in ten years

BirthdayRainbow · 16/11/2023 20:11

It is fine to have different hobbies. The issue is how he is treating you and how he spoke to you. Bin him for that and not just because you don't enjoy the same hobby.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:11

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 20:08

I feel happy about the fact that he is expecting me to text him and will probably be shocked when I dont

Yay! That's the spirit! And when he tries to text you and finds out he is blocked it will be even more gratifying.

Birdsongtops · 16/11/2023 20:12

What a complete Knob ! …move on lovely , you deserve so much more .

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:14

mapleriver · 16/11/2023 20:11

He might have done it to knock your confidence and put you in your place a bit because you're alot younger and more desirable than him. It won't be the first time he does it, he'll be insulting foods you like, music, anything to make himself seem superior if he's that type. Get rid and find a nice man your own age that won't need a blue pill in ten years

I would definitely concur with this.

beatrix1234 · 16/11/2023 20:14

Red flags enough to fill a Putin convention. Get rid asap.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 16/11/2023 20:14

The first red flag is he is looking for women almost 20 years younger than he is. With the best will in the world, 20+ and 40+ is a much bigger difference in attitude and outlook than, say 40+ - 60 would be. We see over and over again on here men like this getting into relationships with younger women so they can be controlling and unreasonable. You told him something - he pushed and pushed and pushed until you did something you had told him you were not comfortable with. And then criticized you. Please lose his number, there is nothing good here for you. Find someone younger who actually listens to and respects you - you deserve better than this.

JinglingSpringbells · 16/11/2023 20:16

I don't have time to read 350 replies but mine is you are not compatible.
He's almost 20 years older for a start so that could be an issue in itself.

He behaved badly and I can't think why you'd want another date.

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 20:18

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 20:08

I feel happy about the fact that he is expecting me to text him and will probably be shocked when I dont

That’s the funniest part of your whole OP. What kind of idiot tells someone how ‘disappointing’ they’ve been when they’ve gamely given his hobby a go, and then says in the same breath that they expect to hear from her within a couple of days.

The other funny bit was when he used his dog as a sounding board to express his disappointment about you not leaping summitward like a mountain goat.

InSpainTheRain · 16/11/2023 20:18

Jesus christ OP, he is awful! Firstly you are not compatible, secondly he took yiu somewhere and he should have looked after yiu as promised - but he did not. Dump, block, run!!!

BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 20:20

Good that you blocked him!

Out of curiosity as you are 24 what appeals to you about dating a man who is almost 20years older than you who has children ( and also seems to be stuck in his ways) when I was 24 I would have thought a man of that age was an old man

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:21

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 20:18

That’s the funniest part of your whole OP. What kind of idiot tells someone how ‘disappointing’ they’ve been when they’ve gamely given his hobby a go, and then says in the same breath that they expect to hear from her within a couple of days.

The other funny bit was when he used his dog as a sounding board to express his disappointment about you not leaping summitward like a mountain goat.

Show quote history

😂😂😂I hadn't noticed that!

JinglingSpringbells · 16/11/2023 20:21

I feel really hurt about the whole thing and I feel sad about all of the good parts ending but I'll be ok.

The good parts were probably not that good. And he was only showing his true colours as time went by.

Don't feel hurt. You were attracted to an older, more sophisticated man, (understandable) after dating much younger men. But you also need to question why at 43 he is on his own and looking at much younger women.

Your description of him makes him sound very selfish and only interested in HIM which is why (perhaps) he's not been snapped up or been able to sustain a relationship.

Hippodogamus · 16/11/2023 20:24

You’re 24 and he’s 43, I’m sure you’re aware but he’s old enough to he your dad.

Why on Earth are you with this man?

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2023 20:24

You are not well suited, op. In my opinion it would not be worthwhile for you to pursue this relationship. Never mind, you'll find someone else.

junbean · 16/11/2023 20:25

Talking to his dog instead of talking to you in a nice, mature manner is the biggest red flag, besides the point he's very rude and uncaring!! How awful. If he can't help you down a slippery slope, what else is he willing to subject you to? This is a huge sign he's immature and selfish. He's a Peter Pan; a man-child. Run run run!