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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Startyabastard · 16/11/2023 19:31

He went back on his word of compassion towards you. Bin him.

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:32

HomeschoolMum88 · 16/11/2023 19:30

Not all are outdoor types! I’m hopeless at bushwalking / hiking and it has nothing to do with age! Have always been this way. Goodness gracious.

Hiking is a fancy word for walking. If you can walk you can do it.

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:33

HomeschoolMum88 · 16/11/2023 19:28

Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh! Wrinkly balls! 😂

Great ageism too.

He's 43 not 73.

He doesn't have wrinkly balls anymore than a 43 year old woman has a wrinkly vulva.

Angelsrose · 16/11/2023 19:34

@Ballsbaill totally absurd response. I enjoy hiking but anyone at any age can need help. There are many instances of very experienced walkers dying accidentally. The mountains need to be taken seriously and not underestimated. Those who falsely minimise the risks do so at their own peril. Never be too arrogant in life, you might just come up against something dangerous and unexpected.

ManateeFair · 16/11/2023 19:35

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:27

He was rude to you and you should end it for that.

Aside from that you are 24. I've seen 60+ year olds hike in all conditions and across lava fields in Iceland with sharp rock.

I've seen novices do that too. You really shouldn't have needed your hand holding down some wet rocks at your age.

Edited

Oh, do piss off. If someone's never hiked/climbed, it's perfectly normal that they'd feel nervous. Age has got nothing to do with it. What you're saying is like telling an adult who's scared of horses that they'll be fine going pony-trekking because some eight-year-olds are confident showjumpers.

Gillbil · 16/11/2023 19:35

So there's a 20 Yr age gap?! And he's being disgusting to you???

It's horrible you went through that, he's a creep and has waved his red flags in the air, proud- run.
He will just get worse. And you deserve a lot better

ManateeFair · 16/11/2023 19:36

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:33

Great ageism too.

He's 43 not 73.

He doesn't have wrinkly balls anymore than a 43 year old woman has a wrinkly vulva.

Well, aren't you the sensitive one?

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:37

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 18:37

Thanks everyone. He has now been blocked. I have decided to not give him an explanation on why I don't want to see him again. I don't want to speak to him and I suspect that he won't care about how I feel anyway, so what's the point.

I feel really hurt about the whole thing and I feel sad about all of the good parts ending but I'll be ok. At least it was only 2 months

Edited

Just saw this. Congrats on this. I would be wary of dating an older man generally. Don't waste yourself on them. If they are a yucky and dating a 23 year old you can bet they have a truck load of issues and are probably a massive twazzock. I speak from experience.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:37

Not 'a yucky' that should have said '43'. Strange typo!

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:39

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:27

He was rude to you and you should end it for that.

Aside from that you are 24. I've seen 60+ year olds hike in all conditions and across lava fields in Iceland with sharp rock.

I've seen novices do that too. You really shouldn't have needed your hand holding down some wet rocks at your age.

Edited

Who ARE you???

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 16/11/2023 19:40

Hiking is a fancy word for walking. If you can walk you can do it.

On the flat, at an appropriate speed, yes. Not everyone's fitness levels make them capable of walking up mountains.

Branleuse · 16/11/2023 19:42

Ballsbaill · 16/11/2023 19:27

He was rude to you and you should end it for that.

Aside from that you are 24. I've seen 60+ year olds hike in all conditions and across lava fields in Iceland with sharp rock.

I've seen novices do that too. You really shouldn't have needed your hand holding down some wet rocks at your age.

Edited

what on earth is that supposed to mean? If someone is nervous and its raining and they are coming down a fucking mountain, thats a world apart from people who have willingly chosen to go to iceland and hike over lava fields.
If someone is asking you for a hand , then they need a hand. Thats whether theyre 24 or any other age.

porridgeisbae · 16/11/2023 19:43

You really shouldn't have needed your hand holding down some wet rocks at your age

Not everyone has a head for heights/steep bits. I would be scared if faced with a potential fall from any height. One time my then partner had us go the steep way up Thorpe Cloud. I was crying. Grin I'm not particularly feeble but I don't like anything that has a risk of injury involved/heights.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 16/11/2023 19:46

Very possibly he doesn’t like women his own age cos we’ve all been up that fucking hill already, one way or another.

This did make me chuckle, pp. 😆

Holliegee · 16/11/2023 19:47

That’s probably why he’s single.

Dont you dare text him or have anything more to do with him.

Mikimoto · 16/11/2023 19:49

The guy sounds like a total nightmare...although, to qualify this, we don't know how girly-girly/precious OP was!!

SheDrivesMeCrazy · 16/11/2023 19:50

I need my hand held whenever I'm walking down any kind of incline, so I'd have been absolutely panicking in your position! A nice guy would have taken you by the hand and enjoyed being close to you. Instead, he was cold and competitive. He's made it clear that he doesn't care about making you feel comfortable or doing things that you're both interested in. Not what I would want in a partner.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:53

It makes me sad that you are even questioning whether you should see him again after that. Please remember that most men are total massive fuckwits and you are a prize. He should have been showering you with flowers if he gets to date a 23 year old when he's dangerously close to soggy todger and wrinkly ball territory. He's just a stupid, entitled, man-baby.

Missingmyusername · 16/11/2023 19:53

“well, you've been disappointing" - I would’ve lost it at that. Who the hell does he think he is! You are well shot.

cocolamer · 16/11/2023 19:53

Arsehole, dump him he's too old for you anyway.

paddlinglikecrazy · 16/11/2023 19:54

He was a total shit to you. Get rid of him asap !

Rachaelrachael · 16/11/2023 19:54

What an absolute prick. Who does he think he is with his 'well you're a disappointment'? I'm angry for you! Well done for blocking and whatever you do, don't let him worm his way back in.

ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 19:55

I don't think it is a match made in heaven! Maybe think about dating someone you have more in common with.

HarrietStyles · 16/11/2023 19:56

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 19:39

Who ARE you???

Sounds like he’s the twatty hiking red flag of a man she’s just blocked!

porridgeisbae · 16/11/2023 19:56

to qualify this, we don't know how girly-girly/precious OP was!!

IMHO, she arguably 'shouldn'tve' gone anyway, because she's not interested in it, and that's fine. Those of us who are older when faced with an activity that's not our cup of tea, would probably do something that was more to our taste instead, rather than mold ourselves to fit in with a guy. We would pick an activity we both enjoyed/found ok.

To give an extreme, I was chatting to one on PoF and he said he planned to in the next few years move and live in a bothy in the Outer Hebrides or something. He tried to carry on a conversation knowing I wasn't into that (so he could get a temporary shag?) but I said I thought we had different life goals.