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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 20:26

BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 20:20

Good that you blocked him!

Out of curiosity as you are 24 what appeals to you about dating a man who is almost 20years older than you who has children ( and also seems to be stuck in his ways) when I was 24 I would have thought a man of that age was an old man

I have just always found older men attractive. I've never been out with one before though, I usually do stick to people my own age. But I came out of a relationship earlier in the year and when I was ready to get back out there he came up on my hinge and I thought he was attractive and just thought.. why not? I wasn't expecting a relationship, I know that wouldn't work because of the age difference. But I didn't see the harm in just going out with him a few times while I'm free and single. I knew it would have to end at some point I just didn't realise it would be like this, so thats a lesson learned really that men who set their dating profile age bracket as low as 24 are probably arrogant arseholes

OP posts:
theyawn · 16/11/2023 20:28

"well, you've been disappointing"

This is really awful. Not even "that was disappointing", but you, specifically.

I don't think I'd have been able to stop myself from replying "You're clearly an arsehole. And your dog told me she agrees. She hates this mountain"

Norberta · 16/11/2023 20:31

You should never see this man again. There’s a reason he’s single at 40-odd. Yuck.

Elly46 · 16/11/2023 20:31

It made me sad when I read that he left you struggling and powered on by himself. Snowdon is tough never mind in November. He sounds like a
prick. I’d not be able to overlook his behaviour unfortunately. You deserve better for sure.

Jl2014 · 16/11/2023 20:31

DO NOT MESSAGE HIM. What an absolute twat and man baby. You can do much better than him. Ditch him and get a nice guy in your life.

BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 20:31

You really shouldn’t be dating people that you know very well that there is no future in it, I think it’s kind of unfair on the other person and also wasting their time, to go on a couple of dates is fine just for the experience but you should leave it at that

porridgeisbae · 16/11/2023 20:31

'What a disappointment you are'

'Sorry, dad.' Smile

As a PP mentioned, I think maybe on one level he hoped/thought you had 'daddy issues' and so would be easier to manipulate to do things he wanted to get his approval.

beatrix1234 · 16/11/2023 20:36

"well, you've been disappointing”

your reply should be: “sorry but you have terribly dissapointed me too. I expect a man to help and protect me when faced with a dangerous situations and hug me after a difficult time. We’re clearly not compatible on many levels. Take care”.

Meowandthen · 16/11/2023 20:37

He’s an arse. A rude, inconsiderate arse. Sounds rather childish from that strop too.

if you are 24, don’t bother with a miserable git like this.

uuughhhshsh · 16/11/2023 20:40

He is a cunt. You should have pushed him down the mountain.

But then he is a middle aged man trawling dating sites for women half his age. Which is utterly repulsive and gross.

And before people start saying “there’s an age gap between me and my DH and we’ve been happily married 20years”, there is a big difference between an age gap relationship happening and developing organically, to middle aged men deliberately seeking out young women barely into adulthood on dating sites.

Showtime79 · 16/11/2023 20:41

Honestly OP, do not date a man that much older than you with baggage. You have the whole world at your feet. Don’t waste that opportunity.

ferntwist · 16/11/2023 20:42

He sounds horrible OP. What nasty comments he made to you. You could do so much better (not to mention younger!)

Lifeomars · 16/11/2023 20:47

He sounds vile, you tried something new and he did not support you or encourage you. I am not an outdoor person, so well done to you for giving it a go, it sounds like everything I hate about outdoor life and "fun". I had a relationship with someone who was into walking and camping and I gave it a fair go, still hated it, he was find about it. If this man cannot accept you for who you are and goes off in a toddler like strop means he is not worth your time

Lights22 · 16/11/2023 20:52

Do. Not. Message. Him. Ever. Again.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 20:54

OP, you could always just text him a link to this thread prior to blocking. That would be amusing...

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 16/11/2023 20:54

I hope you text him and said this is not working as you showed your impatience to a situation I had explained and how he was rude and just move on with your life.
You tried your best and he did not put any enjoyment into it at all but acted like he was on an expedition with a time limit and did not help you even when you were scared and it is scary going downhill if you feel you are going to fall so you were not unreasonable in any way at all.
He showed how he has no patience, things have to be done his way and if you stayed with him it would be a disaster as he would be off climbing hills every weekend which would cause resentment.
He is also rude so for all of the above dump his controlling rude arse and he is too old anyway and you can do better and well done for spotting that this is not right and walk away now as it would only get worse.

Canisaysomething · 16/11/2023 20:57

Date someone your own age who is willing to listen and isn’t stuck in his ways. It seems like you are after a challenge whereas in reality, a great relationship is just easy.

Speedygonzales78 · 16/11/2023 21:00

"Well you've been disappointing" 🤣
You need to respond with "the feelings mutual! "
What a prize wanker.
I've done Snowdon myself about 15 years ago, it was fecking hard! Not my idea of a fun weekend, glad I did it but not something I'd want to do regular.

soggytodger · 16/11/2023 21:01

Or send him a message telling him you are sorry you can't continue as you feel disappointed with the size of his dick/his balls are too wrinkly/you are worried he is actually dating his dog. The possibilities are really endless...

Conkersinautumn · 16/11/2023 21:02

He's a twat. Not only an arsehole but one who doesn't understand to walk safely and with others. Find someone more fun to be around

Coachvikki · 16/11/2023 21:02

To be fair, I got as for as 'he is 43' when I decided yes, you should stop seeing you. A 43 year old man forcing his hobbies on a 24 year old is a red flag. Get out before you get too far in.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 21:03

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 20:26

I have just always found older men attractive. I've never been out with one before though, I usually do stick to people my own age. But I came out of a relationship earlier in the year and when I was ready to get back out there he came up on my hinge and I thought he was attractive and just thought.. why not? I wasn't expecting a relationship, I know that wouldn't work because of the age difference. But I didn't see the harm in just going out with him a few times while I'm free and single. I knew it would have to end at some point I just didn't realise it would be like this, so thats a lesson learned really that men who set their dating profile age bracket as low as 24 are probably arrogant arseholes

Edited

Think of a six year old child that you know. That's the age gap between him and you.

Trust me, the nearer you get to their age and look back on people as young as you were, the fucking worse it gets.

Myfabby · 16/11/2023 21:04

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 21:03

Think of a six year old child that you know. That's the age gap between him and you.

Trust me, the nearer you get to their age and look back on people as young as you were, the fucking worse it gets.

You mean 19! a whole 19 year old 2nd year uni student...

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 21:05

Myfabby · 16/11/2023 21:04

You mean 19! a whole 19 year old 2nd year uni student...

I mean she's 19 years older than a six year old...

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 16/11/2023 21:07

He is self centered and rude. They'd never hear from me again.
I hope he twists borh ankles on his next hike, and a big storm breaks out and he has to crawl down. Over poison ivy.