Men moving on quickly

[LucyvanderPelt]

Another thread has made me think about how men seem to move on so quickly after the end of a relationship, no matter how long the relationship was or how it ended (even after the death of a partner).

Do you think men tend to move on far more quickly than women? And why - are their feelings more superficial? Do they just want a maid and don’t mind who it is? Do they have the new partner already lined up before ending their current relationship?

They have to be ‘looked after’ and have never known a man to finish a relationship to spend time alone, they bounce from one to the next, women more emotionally intelligent in general I think and will spend time out of a relationship

I'd say physically some men sometimes move on quickly, more because of going into panic mode and needing immediate soothing and distraction.
But that's why they can then end up with behaviour issues, because of not taking the time, so the woman who ends up with the man who hasn't taken the time to sort themselves, could end up having a rough trot with them.

It does seem that a lot of men do move on very quickly and can’t be on their own.

In my experience a woman will walk away from a relationship to be on her own but men tend to only leave when there’s someone else lined up.

A man at work lost his wife of 30 years very suddenly last October.By March he had a new partner and they’re already living together - i couldn’t even think about moving on that soon.

@SamW98 I just can’t understand that at all. When my 11 year relationship ended I was on my own for 2.5 years and only then could I even think about dating again.

@LucyvanderPelt

Totally. When my 25 year relationship broke up I had no interest in men at all.
I had a rebound relationship after about a year but in hindsight it was too soon and I wasn’t really ready.

I’m single now and if I did meet someone I couldn’t rush into anything heavy quickly and don’t think I want to cohabitate ever again

Relationships are so easily disposable these days in the age of online dating. Always other options on the shelf for both men and woman. No wonder so many children are raised in broken families these days.

Men spend less time analysing feelings and have a social expectation to be strong and not show how they feel. Toxic masculinity and all that. It's mostly a front, but they're not going to admit that. They may move on sexually. But emotionally, I expect many don't.

Ex DP of 2 years was on Bumble after 2 weeks amd posting a new relationship on social media in 4 weeks! She's very welcome to him. He's put me off men for a long while!

I think it depends on their personality. If you have a guy who is selfish, does what he wants and didn't really care or value their partner, they are likely to move on. They are likely unable to deeply care for someone, more of what do they gain from it.

I waited about two years before moving on when I was younger out of long term relationship then my next I got married. My marriage has ended, which isn't amicable, my wife was abusive and still is being in other ways and I'm coming up to seven months on my own so far.

I'm going through therapy after everything that has and is happening and trying to undo all of that. I like the idea of meeting someone who's kind but I'm in no particular rush to.

@BaffledOnceAgain that’s horrible. I can’t imagine that relationship would work out… as a PP has said, he hasn’t worked on any of his issues from his relationship with you, so he’ll be taking them straight into his new relationship.

When it’s happened to me it really makes me think my ex hasn’t felt anything for me at all.

Yeah they just can't be alone, my eXH of many years back was on OLD within a month of me leaving him "heartbroken" and in a "facebook official" 😂relationship within 5 months. We weren't even divorced

I think in general women wait for relationships with men that they potentially see a future with. A lot of the men I seem to come across play really keen to get a better living arrangement to tide them over until the woman they see a future with comes along.

a high number of men in their late 30s/40s have moved out of the family home and seem to want a new GF to help share living expenses now they are paying maintenance. They seem to like the security of any relationship whilst they are keeping an eye out elsewhere

They seem to like the security of any relationship whilst they are keeping an eye out elsewhere

This is most men most of the time in my experience

I totally agree with this. Many men just don’t take the time or do the work at the end of relationships and then wonder why the bad choices they’ve made quickly afterwards don’t work out. In my experience they bottle up feelings rather than process anything difficult but it always comes back to bite them later on… it’s just a case of how soon!!

My ex husband had "moved on" before he told me he was leaving for OW. Was utterly gobsmacked that I wasn't on board with this or that I needed time to process what was happening. Didn't give a shit. They need to have their next life in place and it all working out perfectly for them. Absolute cunts.

I think in many cases it's not like they woke up one day and decided they didn't love their partner, the relationship was deteriorating for some time, probably years. So they may have emotionally left long before they physically do. In those cases it may appear they get involved in a new relationship relatively quickly, but the truth is they've already mourned their past and have moved on.

After my 18 year marriage broke up I was a single parent for 10 years then I met my husband my now husband we moved in together in 2015. I asked him about this a while ago. As a family member male had moved on a month after his wife died. My husband saw nothing wrong in this. He's very affectionate and tells me he loves me everyday and he always there for me. However he still said he would do the same.

I was an oncology nurse. Time and time again I saw widowers form another relationship very quickly. Widows however seemed to make a life for themselves without a man. Sweeping generalisations but the reality of my experience.

A lot of people who appear to move on quickly have been in relationships which have been dead for years and years. Sometimes it just takes a lot of introspection to realise your relationship has petered out and leave.

Men tend to ruminate about things for an eternity before they make a final decision, hence why they get a reputation for "not talking". This gives the impression they've upped and left on a whim, then moved on within a few weeks. It isn't always the case. They've often spent years ruminating about a relationship without giving much outwardly sign of it, they finally decide or realise the relationship is over, they leave, and they can move on quickly afterwards because they did their mourning for the dead/dying relationship while they were still in it.

I'm not a man, but I'm not at all emotional, or spiritual, and very rarely feel any need to "talk" about such things. I've always felt that if a relationship is really that problematic that it needs constant discussion, then it isn't a worthwhile relationship to begin with. I was with someone for 20'odd years, perfectly happy for the most of it, but it still took me 5 years or so of not feeling right to realise the relationship was irretrievable and leave. I felt crap for one solitary week, met someone about a month later, and have been perfectly happy since. No mourning period required, I didn't "move on quickly", I just did the miserable, moping, "find out about myself" bit when I was still in the 20'odd year relationship, so I had no purpose for a fallow period before I could "move on".

It's the same for a lot of people who appear not to care. They've just grieved their relationship while they were still in it.

In my experience a woman will walk away from a relationship to be on her own but men tend to only leave when there’s someone else lined up.

^^ This! It’s been my theory for years.

If that's the case (it probably is), then should single women sniff around waiting in the wings of failing relationships?
I absolutely don't do this, which is why I've mostly been single.
But I notice there's another game played by many, with plenty of overlap.

I don't see it as just a man thing there are plenty of women who can't be alone and go from mam to man, a lot of times keep on having kids with them, doesn't work put so try again

I recall examples on here of it happening as well as of course in real life

Bur unless these men that people say are doing it are gay then I presume this men manage to get women to go out with them

My MIL says it's because women look after men, women do most of house stuff, men get angry, grumpy, they smell, want sex, gaslight, control, interfere, abuse, are no fun, bad habits, too much compromise etc (generalising here)
Women need a break from that. We literally feel like we're free of something. And we get this inner determination to prove we can survive alone.
Men don't have all those problems with women

ex MIL*

My dad moved on to another woman within 6 weeks of my mum dying. They had been happily married for 25 years. I remember being so cross with him as a teenager and I still don't understand how he could do that over 20 years later. He's still with that woman, who he didn't even know before my mum died.