Men moving on quickly

[LucyvanderPelt]

Another thread has made me think about how men seem to move on so quickly after the end of a relationship, no matter how long the relationship was or how it ended (even after the death of a partner).

Do you think men tend to move on far more quickly than women? And why - are their feelings more superficial? Do they just want a maid and don’t mind who it is? Do they have the new partner already lined up before ending their current relationship?

I think that for some people, it is a lack of emotional intelligence. In the face of a relationship breakdown, they don’t take the time to reflect on why that relationship failed, their role in it and how they can develop themselves emotionally. They jump into another relationship rather than choosing their next partner wisely because they just haven’t worked on themselves. Where there has been a bereavement, the loss of a loved one can be overwhelming and some people just don’t want to live in that pain for long - moving on helps them to manage that.

A lot of the men on OLD have been divorced fur years and have jumped from one short term relationship to the next barely pausing for breath and now acting like kids in a sweep shop thinking OLD gives them sex on tap.

😲😲😲 bloody hell. That's truly appalling.

I think this is an astute observation. I have known both men and women who are just crap in their own company and/or see being in a relationship, any relationship as some kind of validation of themselves.

There are selfish arseholes that go through life using and hurting others for their own gain. That lie, cheat and are incapable of feeling anything for anyone. Duping partners after years, moving from one relationship to the next like it meant nothing.

These kind exist on both sides but neither side is like that as a whole or predetermined to be that way. It's their personality, some people are just arseholes.

@Catsafterme I don’t know how they can sleep at night when they cause such pain, especially to people who care for them.

@LucyvanderPelt , that’s how I feel about my ex , he had an affair when our dd was three months old , then abandoned her whilst being a doting dad to his second child , I absolutely loathe him . Thankfully I have now been with my wonderful new partner for 20 years.

I think for a lot of men it's just not that deep. They want sex and a side bonus of getting their house cleaned/food cooked. They don't see women as friends or equals, more a sexy mystery that can be recruited for a while to provide services.

If you spend any time reading the manosphere you will see that view played out again and again.

I do find it strange how men often seem to be able to move on just months after losing their much loved wives in tragic circumstances. I know 3 or 4 men who lost their wives to cancer and, in one particular case, were absolutely besotted by her still 20 plus years later, with young kids etc. All had new girlfriends they were living with by the following year. Often in the house they lovingly extended, decorated etc with the dead wife. I find that odd I have to say.

I met DH within a few months of his wife dying. We have now been married almost thirty years. I think some men will take the opportunity to have a new relationship, but it depends on luck.

I agree. Most of these men have had many years of a wife doing the domestic side of things and that’s what they seek out.

For many, the second wife is someone presentable who they can sleep with and who will make sure their dinner is on the table and their shirts are ironed. It’s really not much deeper than that.

As a woman who has been single fur a few years now, I absolutely love my own space and there’s no way on earth any man will be getting his feet under my table again.

This seems to be an article of faith on MN that men "only leave when there's someone else lined up" and I have to say it doesn't match up with my experience at all. Almost all men I know who have ended relationships have done so for similar reasons to the women - it wasn't working out, they'd grown apart, or a big life/location change was happening. Most were single for a while afterwards.

It says a lot about the men women here are getting into relationships with. Perhaps the player type who will move on straight away. Not necessarily true for the average man.

It's also often down to who initiates the break up as to who moves on quicker. The person dumped is blindsided and often devastated, the person dumping often has someone already lined up, or they've dumped them because they want to meet someone else.

I think this is accurate, anyway. I wonder if the gender balance changes depending on age though. When I was younger most of the people I knew who couldn't bear to be single for any length of time were women (all of whom could obviously have their pick of men). But maybe for an older demographic it's men who have more options (and can thus take them).

You know you aren't required to date or be in relationships at all, if this grim scenario is what you think of as the norm?

I've always said people cheat (or indeed 'move on' in this case) either because they've been pulled, or been pushed.

If your partner moves on quickly (man or woman), I'd question how good you actually are. In a good relationship, no force on earth can pull you away. If you're lazy, violent, apathetic, etc, (many of the complains women on MN have about male partners)... or naggy, asexual, high maintenance, etc, (many of the complaints that men have with women)... what do you expect? In those situations, it's an escape.

If your dog dies, get another.

Have seen a lot of men line up the next live in housekeeper / step mother / lover while the wife is still dying.

A few men leave at diagnosis too.

I've always said people cheat (or indeed 'move on' in this case) either because they've been pulled, or been pushed.

Plenty of people cheat on good partners and in good relationships 🤦🏽‍♀️

Of course. I’m the wrong size de of middle age so have seen many men in many situations. No matter divorce, or death, they move on at the speed of light. They, seemingly, can’t be left on their own.

Indeed, on here it seems men are completely incapable of ending a relationship because they are simply unhappy. There absolutely must be another woman around the corner because they cannot survive in the world on their own without someone ironing their pants and cooking their meals for them.

It's easy to spot the second wives.

I think there's a big age dynamic. There was a study recently that stated 1 in 3 men in the US have not had sex in the last year aged 18-25, so the options for men to just go off and sleep with whoever they want is only for the attractive ones that women want.

I'm sure there's a lot more single men than single women in general, at least when women are in their fertile years. That switches in later years but men die younger than women which leaves more of a surplus of women in later life. Plus I think older women are more content on their own than older men.

Ditto. I’ve seen it so many times. Being in my 50’s I’ve sadly known far too many friends pass too early and without exception, the men have moved on far quicker than the women.

I actually know someone whose wife of 30 years died last year and he met someone at her funeral that he’s now living with.

And a close friends ex husband is now separated from his 4th wife - almost certainly onto the next already.

I'm sure there's a lot more single men than single women in general

How would that work? Whom are those women in relationships with?

@gannett Read the first 3 words of my post.. 🤦🏻‍♀️