Men moving on quickly

[LucyvanderPelt]

Another thread has made me think about how men seem to move on so quickly after the end of a relationship, no matter how long the relationship was or how it ended (even after the death of a partner).

Do you think men tend to move on far more quickly than women? And why - are their feelings more superficial? Do they just want a maid and don’t mind who it is? Do they have the new partner already lined up before ending their current relationship?

Most men just need someone to look after their needs and as long as they can tolerate the female they choose to do this for them they will settle. I know not all men but until I see anything different in most men's behaviour then that's the opinion I'm going to hold.

“There are quite a few comments on this thread that would be shouted down as misogyny or sexism if made about women.”

so?

Misogyny or not, men do move on more quickly. In fact very quickly. I think it's something like 70% of widowers remarry/partner up within 18 months of bereavement. In contrast, 50% of widows remain single for the rest of their lives.

Men are less bonded emotionally. This is why women should take their time getting into relationships. When it fails it takes a while to get back into dating again unlike men.

My MIL passed away unexpectedly, she and FIL had been married 52 years. He ‘met’ someone online (I suspect he had been talking to them longer than he admitted to) and tried to move them in 8 weeks after her passing. She wasn’t even cold in the ground!

It turned out they were an internet scammer, but he was genuinely upset that they didn’t show up/weren’t real. But his children have not forgiven him, and made us all look at him in a very different light.

UnfortunateTypo My aunt was adamant that my uncle should meet someone else when she was nearing the end of her life after a short but brutal illness. She probably didn't mean bring her to her funeral though , which is where we all first met our new Aunt.

I'd extend this to less mundane things, like having children. Huge proportion of men are totally ambivalent about the prospect, but do it anyway to keep the woman happy. A few years down the line you have a woman who is completely baffled as to why her partner shows no interest in parenting his own children. They just don't have the same biological imperative, and I can't understand why so many women don't seem to realise this.*

I've come to the conclusion that this is why some tribes and other parts of the world still have the women (a village) raising children and the men providing the food and building the shelters, or in some cases doing not a lot at all but just existing.
In my opinion. Most men love their kids but would really rather the raising of them be left to the women of the family and they have the option to dip in and out of the parenting when it suits.

Bold fail for the first part.

Bloody hell. The nerve of them. 🙁

My friend sadly lost her husband aged 49 to cancer and they had a group who were the bereaved partners that all met when their late spouse’s were going through chemo at same time.

Of the group of 6, all 4 widowed men were in serious relationships within a year or so whereas the 2 widowed women were both single at that time. My friend has now met a lovely man through friends 4 years after her husbands death and the other lady is still single. 3 of the 4 men are remarried

I always enjoy insightful responses

I think your MIL is right. Men need us more than we need them. Women want a man who provides something that they haven’t already got. For younger women, this may be the ability to have children together. But once women have had their children (if they wanted any) what does a man bring to the table? (I’m not saying they don’t bring anything, just that the benefits would have to outweigh the drawbacks.)

Many men have already moved on before their relationship ends.

@HardcoreLadyType - historically money. It's changing though as women take an increasing share of high earning jobs. Tbh a lot of guys seem to be happy enough doing their own shit as well

A minority here, I was cast aside 20 years ago, I have not joined any on line dating sites or dated since, I live alone, am very caring towards helping neighbours with problems. I worked in a Hospital before retiring, & had a reputation as a good listener, I found the amount of abuse lots of co workers (women) had suffered & wanted to get off their chest quite overwhelming, from sexual abuse since childhood by parents, violent husbands, infidelity by husbands, unreported rapes, rapes as teenagers that went to court & the rapist were set free to offend again. Lots of women have been so scared by the past incidents, it’s difficult for them to find the love they have missed out of.
I went a bit off track there, but not all men join dating sites or have women ready to jump into bed with when relationships end….

@Milkasheika OMG! Oh that makes FIL look slow! Just speechless.

It's generally because the men need somewhere to live and most older women have a roof over their heads.

I'm older and own my place outright. Can guarantee I am more solvent than 90 per cent of the people on here

That's nice for you.

Surely the same can be said of anyone who ends a relationship. As alluded to up thread they probably mentally checked out months earlier before formally ending things so are better placed to 'move on' then the person who has just been dumped and in shock.

My ex had moved onto a new partner before we had even split up ! I spent four and a half years on my own before meeting someone.

I think the above post about someone dying is sad and very different from splitting up with someone. i can't begin to imagine what that would feel like.

When it comes to splitting with someone though, I've always moved on quickly myself so I don't think it is a gender specific issue. Nor do I think this sort of thing requires a period of "mourning", I've always applied the logic that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone (else).

If you the one that ends the relationship you've mentally moved on some time before even if it hasn't manifested itself in a new partner. If it is ended on you it's a different scenario

In my experience yes most men definitely move on more quickly. When my ex and I split after 20 years of marriage he was on dating apps within 10 months. Took me 18 months ! Since then ex has remarried (2 days before what would have been our silver wedding anniversary - not bitter at all 🤣🤣) and seems perfectly happy. I had a long term relationship which ended last year but no intention of putting myself through it all again.

Women grieve, men replace