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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What's stopping you dating again?

178 replies

RuhRohRaggy · 09/11/2023 17:53

For me it's the fear of getting to the "let's meet your friends" stage and having no one to introduce them to.

OP posts:
napody · 09/11/2023 22:17

Alifestylechoice · 09/11/2023 20:20

The pure joy of knowing your day/ evening/ week/ life isn’t going to be ruined by an ‘angry man.‘ They seem to have so much angst!

Rolling around my large bed in joy almost every night AND getting amazing sleep

This covers it for me too!

@silentchanter that's so awful. Don't know what to say, honestly I feel angry. I hope you find a decent man who appreciates you.

SwordToFlamethrower · 09/11/2023 22:19

Happy marriage, mainly

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 22:29

I have a baby who I need to do bedtime for
I'm scared of a relationship with another love bomber who ends up being selfish

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 22:29

MintGreenPolo · 09/11/2023 19:06

Lone parent with no family or friends for childcare so it’s not a choice I can’t date. I’ve been single for 6 years and would have liked to meet someone but can’t.

Can you not save up for babysitter?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 22:33

silentchanter · 09/11/2023 19:39

I want too, but convinced that society has conditioned most men to not particularly want women like me.
I'm a beautiful black woman. I'm kind hearted, well mannered, tall and fit, highly educated, kind, but can't seem to find a man who thinks I'm worthy of a relationship.
Last relationship with a BM was one cheating after the other. Ex kept chasing WW. He made it clear if he found a WW of higher social status who'd accept him, he'd leave me in a heartbeat. Got pregnant accidentally and hands were tied into an abortion as he said he could never accept a child from me. So, that broke me and ended staying single for years to heal.

Since then, been OLD on and off for years now and have been open to dating all kinds of men, but have realised that men just don't see women like me as first choice. On Hinge for over a year and I could count how many likes I got on one hand. Been on Bumble for 9 months now and had 2 dates where it was clear the WW men thought they were doing me a favour and spoke down on me. One explicitly told me that BM are the least preferred to be with and I'm being considered because he's found WW difficult recently.
IRL, men just don't look my way.
When I look at myself, I see a woman with a lot of love to give and a lot of openness to receive and it hurts that the men I've met see differently.

This is so sad to read

EtiennePalmiere · 09/11/2023 22:33

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 22:29

Can you not save up for babysitter?

Show quote history

Not sure that's the most helpful comment to make

Anonplease2023 · 09/11/2023 22:33

My husband is actually okay lol

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2023 22:39

@EtiennePalmiere not trying to be unhelpful at all. I'm in her boat too!

IF lack of babysitter is the reason she's not dating , and she wants to date, then it seems very sensible to have a savings fund especially for it, even if it takes a while, that's what I'll be doing - save up, when I have enough for a couple of evenings out then go online dating, have at least one phone call with any potential dates first to weed out any I just won't get on with, when I find someone I like enough to think this is worth spending money on, plan a date.

Milliemoos5 · 09/11/2023 22:49

That the guys on dating apps overwhelming lie, cheat, have weaponised incompetence or already in relationships!

paintingvenice · 09/11/2023 22:50

Too many cocklodgers out there. Tried OLD the amount of single men with kids out there whose wife had the family home and he is renting a flat that look at you with your own house as a way to get their lifestyle back on track is bloody depressing.

its great they want to support their ex and kids, but when a few months in they start sounding you out for what room could the son stay in, makes me really skeptical. Too many times-seems like a modus operandi rather than a coincidence. Makes me wonder if they like me, or like the set-up

Nelly10 · 09/11/2023 23:10

I’m enjoying being single after a very long marriage very toxic towards the end.

I would like to meet someone however I agree with the poster saying the men around my age even younger do not look after themselves at all pretty grim!

Malarandras · 09/11/2023 23:13

I have my kids, my house, my job and lots of time for my hobbies and interests. Why would I give up 2 minutes of that for a man? What could that add to my life? Nothing I reckon. So I’ve no interest in dating.

Showertime · 09/11/2023 23:18

What’s the point of people coming on here to say “because my marriage or husband is ok”

Windowinyourheart · 09/11/2023 23:35

I’m still too heartbroken from my most recent relationship. I loved him a lot but it didn’t work out and I don’t think I can face the dating apps and all the bullsh*t that goes with them. I love having a partner though, someone to chat to and do stuff with, or to relax at home. I suppose I would like to meet someone else eventually but I also want to try and enjoy my own company more, I have always struggled a bit when I am single.

ManAboutTown · 09/11/2023 23:51

Lack of women who can converse on a wide range of topics (and I'm one who is willing to engage on away turf in that regard). Unwillingness to put myself out there. Bit of laziness combined with having a full life

For those who complain about repulsive men I can tell you there are a fair number of gruff women out there as well

QueenBitch666 · 09/11/2023 23:54

Because men are shite

QueenBitch666 · 09/11/2023 23:55

RantyAnty · 09/11/2023 19:01

Because they are a scam.

For scam read scum

RocketIceLollie · 10/11/2023 00:00

That everyone my age has children, just as I do, and I fail to see how integrating two families under the one roof pans out well.

Blueeyedmale · 10/11/2023 00:06

1 work
2 my son
3 women aren't serious just looking for a few likes for the ego boost

foxlover47 · 10/11/2023 00:11

Don't really want to give up my evenings sharing the sofa with my lovely dogs , choice of tv and already wearing my Xmas pjs.
Tried dating this summer and showed myself how rubbish I am at seeing through absolute Bs so have decided at 49 , then days are done

merrywidow · 10/11/2023 00:35

My ex was Satan

hoobanoobie · 10/11/2023 00:39

I just don't want to. I couldn't be doing with the dating process, texts and calls back and forth. Never mind having to share my time in the evenings. Been there done that, didn't get a tshirt though. I just massively enjoy being alone and making my own choices with the little free time I have. Plus having my bed to myself, I'd get stabby if someone else tried to get in too.

cleowasmycat · 10/11/2023 00:45

The slim pickings

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 10/11/2023 00:46

I made a couple of tentative steps on dating apps but it lasted days, then stopped trying. I then ran into my lovely current DP in chapel without meaning to. I’ve never really dated due to nerves and not really understanding how the “game” worked (I’m autistic). I found it a huge pressure trying to play anyway and it was very exposing knowing that men were going to be looking at my appearance and judging me. Relationships are hugely important to me and I actually had thought I would meet my DP in person so I didn’t actively pursue dating. I’ve had several LTRs and each time they’ve stemmed from friendship except with my current DP who is very much younger and the relationship started from casual sex after meeting in person.

EtiennePalmiere · 10/11/2023 00:59

QueenBitch666 · 09/11/2023 23:55

For scam read scum

Show quote history

They can be scam too - just look at the current "my boyfriend doesn't pay expenses" epic cocklodger thread !