How often does your partner make you cry?

[HarryBat]

Or put another way, how often do you cry as a result of an interaction with your partner?

I cry a few times a month but that's because I cry easily when I get frustrated or upset during disagreements, I wouldn't consider it as him making me cry. He never does or says anything cruel.

I probably cry about once a week or at least every month but never because of my dh - because of health worries, parenting, work, family, being in pain etc.

Dh and I don't argue. We just don't- when we disagree on something we explain it and the other person gets it and we come up with a solution and that's it. I only ever cry if I feel like I've got a problem that can't be solved. Dh is never a problem

Maybe once or twice in 17 years. And both were more that we were going through a rough situation with family etc. so not him being mean as such.

We have been together close to 30 years and I would hazard a guess at maybe 3 times.

We had a really long term mutual mate round on Saturday for dinner, DH and I had an interaction about something and ended up laughing it off. Our friend said that would have kicked off a major row. I can’t remember what it was now. I think some folk are just more argumentative and or tearful personality wise.

Thanks @BertieBotts. It has taken me a long time to reach this point but at the same time I feel relief for having made the decision. The thought of telling him fills me with dread and anxiety but there's no other option. Sadly simply walking out is not possible, it will be a long and painful process (divorce, kids, joint mortgage, no doubt lots of abuse in the coming months), but hopefully will get there in the end.

@Stuckandunhappy Good luck with it all. Be gentle on yourself and take it one step at a time.

I’m nearly a year separated and I’m in so much of a better place but it’s important to get everything lined up as much as possible beforehand.

This thread has made me really pause for thought because STBXH used to directly or indirectly reduce me to tears probably several times a month, despite the fact I’m not a very outwardly emotional person. I just thought it was pretty normal. It’s nice to know so many Mumsnetters have great relationships with men who don’t make them cry.

Women produce more of a hormone that makes us cry more which is why we cry in frustration instead of getting angry, whereas men get angry because of increased testosterone.
BTW my partner has never made me cry

@HarryBat I think that if you're regularly crying because he isn't giving you what you need, it doesn't actually matter if it's because he's a bad person or not, the relationship isn't good.

If, however, you think that perhaps your expectations are too high then that is something worth exploring. The chances are that they'r not, but of course, there are some people who do get very very upset because their partner doesn't magically know to give them a foot rub when they walk through the door or whatever.

I can think of only two times in 8 years, that I've cried as a direct result of something DH has said/done. Once was when DS was 6 months old, and we were both at breaking point with lack of sleep, and we both snapped at each other. The other was when my mental health was in the toilet due to work, and I was trying to get him to understand something important. He felt like I was putting him in an impossible position, and he got frustrated with me. Both times we talked it out and resolved it with love and affection and he was horrified that he might have upset me that much. Both times it wasn't just him, but me also, as well as bad communiction, and a host of other contributing factors outside of our control.

As someone said DH would rather gouge out his eye with a rusty spoon than make me cry, and I feel the same about him. We make an effort to treat each other with respect. That's not to say we don't annoy each other sometimes, and we do disagree on things. But we are more likely to affectionately bicker, or talk it out, than have a row over things.

Lovely people don't have a nasty side to them

About 3 times in 30 years

I'd love to think it is a simple as that but I don't think it is. I am pretty emotional and cry in frustration loads, not always directly something he has done, just the way we are living our lives at the moment.

Never. Left when I saw it was heading that way.

I’m only settling for someone who makes me smile instead.

For me, at least once a month, due to arguing

This thread has surprised me! I’ve been with DH for 16 years, married for 8 and we really love each other. However I cry easily and we argue easily (both lawyers!) so I’d say maybe 4/5 times a year id cry during arguments. We always make up and he’s rarely nasty, it’s just frustration at an argument/we both think we are right. Really surprised at all the responses here and wondering if we should address this!!

@Chocolatelover888 I had the same reaction to reading the thread but I wonder if noncriers are more likely to respond! I know I would cry about the same number of times, maybe more, if I didn’t have my partner around, so I don’t think it’s a sign of anything terrible about our relationship that there are some tears more than once a decade!

Yep, agree with above poster… some of the most miserable times of my life is when I didn’t cry. Too much despair to cry. And sometimes I’ve cried over seemingly trivial things.

Maybe a different barometer for contentment/misery is needed.

And sometimes, such awful situations become so normalised, the person is too habituated to respond or react. And I’m sure the reverse is true, those treated very well who remain oblivious and ungrateful.

@BatildaB glad someone else feels the same 😅

No, I agree with you and it has me questioning my marriage but I don't prescribe to the idea of Love being this straightforward notion i e it's expression is always 'good' or something that continually feels me with joy, especially after a long time with being with someone. It is hard to know whether you are 'normal' though or it's something you should be addressing as you don't have an honest insight to many peoples' relationships except your parents' maybe and that is from a child's and young person's perspective. We went on holiday for 2 weeks in the summer with friends who are couples and DH's friend did comment on the way we are with each other, we have known each other a long time as couples going back to our house sharing days and I suppose yes, it is sometimes dramatic, bitter-sweet enough for others to comment, always has been since we were in our 20s. However, I feel my insight to their relationships are that one tends to be more dominant than the other, the men (friends) in their case seem to do what they are asked. DH likes to be in control to stop him worrying I think but he thinks he does everything I ask but he doesn't really. There is a security that is afforded to that dynamic but it can get difficult balancing it and we are both dramatic/emotional so I don't think it is surprising that more crying arises. We wouldn't just give up though as tempting as that has been sometimes as the Love is very strong and has been there since day 1. He has told me that he will never not love me even if we divorced and I feel the same.

Woah!! My eyes are opened. I am not a crier but my DH has made me cry at least once every couple of months. I now realise this is probably not the norm

I think this is different to him making you cry or you crying because of him, though? If you can resolve the arguments then that's not necessarily a problem, some people are criers!

There is just a very simple barometer relationship test for me: Does each person care enough about the other to notice and prefer to alleviate their suffering?

If someone's making you cry regularly and they don't give a shit about it then that isn't a good sign really is it. OTOH if they know you well enough that they know when you're crying as a result of frustration at a situation rather than crying through being upset that might be different.

Oh my god, I cannot believe what I have been reading here that so few people cry in their relationships. My DH has caused me to cry so many many times throughout our long marriage - usually out of frustration but I have always believed I am not as emotionally stable as he.

My DH almost never shows any emotion; it is often considered a professional defect, as he is an MD/surgeon. Many of his friends are like him. He is also extremely quiet and can go for days without needing to talk.
I usually cry out of frustration because he can hurt me inadvertently, by being non-validating. He does not communicate his feelings, never apologizes and is always right. He despises conflict so is somewhat avoidant. But he never raises his voice. He is otherwise a very honest, brilliant, interesting, responsible but cold person. I wonder at times why/if I still love him.

I am horrified to learn here that crying is an unusual behavior in most happy normal couples. And maybe I could be alot happier. I try not to compare.

I wonder what good it does for me to read Mumsnet at times.....
I think I need a good cry. ( just joking).

People are more likely to respond if they can answer with positive personal story. This is not necessary statistically accurate.

Weekly atm. He loses his temper over nothing and says very nasty things then he gets over it and can't understand why I don't just 'let it go'. He then tells me I'm a 'miserable cu*t' and a horrible person for making him feel bad about it.

At least twice a week. He can be so cruel. Not physically but verbally. I am in a bad way with it so if it’s happening to you have the strength that I don’t have and do something about it xx but you are not alone.