No real point to this. Got text meant for golden child sister

[Narcfamilies]

Been very LC with my family for a few years now. Mother is narcissistic and I was horrendously abused as a child teen and young adult emotionally financially and physically. One sibling golden child other just a bystander / tool when needed . Mother and sister managed to maintain a perfect public image to this day so I don’t see wider family / family friends.

When I got out I was just very low contact. So I basically send texts on special occasions or other rare times (so maybe 3/4 times a year)

I had text my mother last week as it was her 75mg birthday. She never even bothers to send my dc birthday cards but I thought it’s her 75th it won’t hurt . I text ‘Happy Birthday hope you have a lovely day. Hope you’ve been well we are all good kids well and happy etc etc’

shes not the best with tech and i got a message back almost immediately with a screenshot saying ‘She’s sent this don’t worry I won’t reply just letting you know she sent it first I haven’t started it just like you said. She won’t be able to say or prove we had any kind of relationship / contact so don’t worry about that. I won’t mention the kids as I know yours are the priority. Will keep you updated xxxx’
its not that I’m hurt I’m just pissed off and can’t understand why they act like this !

And why the comment about proving any kind of relationship??! I don’t want to do that makes no sense

Just frustrated that they carry this on

Please this! I’m not usually evil but I think they deserve it🫣

So sorry OP, I know first hand how much it hurts being the family scapegoat. My therapist told me that the golden child is often psychologically worse off in the end because they are so enmeshed with the parent they can’t experience any real freedom. At least you have broken free from their toxic behaviour. I’d be tempted in your case to let them both know you’ve seen the message but don’t care at all - and then never contact them again

How awful! It's one thing to know the family dynamic but to have it written down like that, so cold. I would so tempted to reply, but I think keeping your powder dry is the best course of action. Make copies of all messages sent, along with any received from either of them, for future use.
I would also contest the will, even if I didn't want any of the money. Just by saying you are contesting will hold up proceedings for 6 months, and at the end of that time, depending on whether a judge (I think it is) deems you have reasonable cause to you can hold up proceedings for another 6 months. That would probably wind your not so dsis up no end.
As for your mother, a simple noted in reply to the message might be enough.

The problem with these situations is you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

These relationships are not relationships. Relationships are where two people value the other as an individual and recognise the needs of each other. This type of relationship is completely one sided. A deeply needy person who does not recognise personhood in the other person foisting their needs onto the other person. Nothing you can give of yourself is ever enough.

It never ceases to amaze me how awful people can actually be

I know you should just ignore it bla bla, but I would really want them to know that I had seen it before she pathetically deleted it. I think it would give me the closure I needed to move onto full NC.

I would message something like " I saw the message" and leave it at that.

I quite like the idea of contesting the will as posted upthread but it will come at a cost to you, both financially and emotionally and I don't think it is worth it.

Very sorry OP. What an absolute twat of a parent you had.

Your Mother sounds unhinged and your sibling toxic. I'd stop any communication with them at all. Leave them to each other.

I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are best away from them.

Omg this is the one OP. Genius.

Email yourself copies as well as in case you change or lose your phone.

I would send that screenshot to your mum and sister, saying see you at the reading of the will. Should be fun!

You are correct, but your mother and sister are thick as well as vile, they're clearly anticipating that you might challenge the will.

This would be the end for me. I'm pleased you're able to derive some satisfaction from them flapping about your right to contest the will, but I expect at some point you might also feel pain as result of this horrible text and what it reveals about your family. If/ when that pain hits, know that you don't deserve any of it, this woman has failed you terribly. Throw yourself into your own children, I'm sure you're doing a stellar job of breaking the cycle.

I would most definitely be showing this to family members who have previously taken their side/have an issue with you due to their behaviour. I’d also be sending a response to your mother saying the message she was supposed to send to your sister has been received loud and clear and going forwards you won’t be contacting either of them again. Also tell her you’ve screenshot it and have proof of how vile they are, that’ll make them both sweat.

I would send a reply saying something on the lines of, ‘Don’t worry, I have already taken advice from my solicitor when the time comes. They have their instructions’. Just to piss them off and make them panic!

You’ve nothing to lose.

@Narcfamilies
you could accidentally send a text meant for a friend tonight saying guess what we’ve just won big time on the lottery.
Abd then delete it after 30 minutes.
That would be really satisfying.

I'd screenshot it, along with the birthday message you sent her, and post it in a big family GC. Then block everyone. Why should they get to continue their golden perfect facade?

I'd block everyone so I didn't ever have to deal with any more turmoil and abuse.

I'm so sorry, OP. This is chilling to read as an outsider, I can't imagine the hurt that actions and words like this have caused you over the years. Well done on getting out, away and having your own wonderful life and family. They are sad, sad empty people.

What a muppet. Unfortunately your mum sounds like she has a low IQ, she shouldn't be needing to take advice from your sister over a thing like this, a normal person would be able to think for themselves and approach any situation with reason and logic. It almost sounds like your mum is the child and your sister is the parent

You now have the evidence and satisfaction that you were right all along.
It won’t change anything because your mum will already be spinning the narrative with anyone who will listen , further alienating you from your family. You can’t win as a scapegoat.
DH has major legal evidence of his mothers financial misdemeanours regarding a big family inheritance, but she lied through her teeth and DH ended up the black sheep. As a result we are excluded from family gatherings in case anyone starts accusing DH. She knows that he would drop her in it. He is almost NC, it takes him a week to emotionally recover from an hour in her company. The visits are just too triggering.
The best way to deal with a narc mother is NC. Unfortunately it can take a lifetime of hurt to realise this.

I think this is good. Firm but fair.

This definitely sounds like an inheritance thing and your sibling is worried you might get a share.

So you know now - do not contact any of them again.

*justabigdisco · Today 08:35

She is leaving you out of her will and is trying to ensure that you can’t contest it*

Then she needs to learn how to use her phone.

I would keep the screenshot to yourself for now and once per month send a breezy catch up message

Start it with something ambiguous like
Love catch up which could be you wanted to catch up or you did catch up
Then a bit of news from your family

Depending how each reads it it will drive them mental. Any reply saying we didn’t catch up etc send back a 👍

But I am petty

Love Maatandosiris reply

Nasty cow. Send the screenshot to someone to pass on to your sister since you don't have her number.

I'm so sorry OP. I can't imagine a parent treating a child like this xo sending hugs. You're a kind person for sending a birthday message, how awful to receive that back.

I think your mother has (accidentally) made it very clear that your contact isn't welcome. I suspect that she and your sister have concocted a whole mad picture together and have convinced themselves that you are only staying in touch in the hope that you'll get something out of it for your kids.

Assuming that this isn't actually why you've stayed in touch, I can honestly see no reason why you should ever contact your mother and sister ever again. You've been sending the occasional message to your mother purely for the sake of being nice to her, but it's now obvious that your kind messages are not well-received, so there is absolutely no need to continue contact now.

What a horrible, toxic, conniving pair. You're much better off without them. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this situation all your life.