No real point to this. Got text meant for golden child sister

[Narcfamilies]

Been very LC with my family for a few years now. Mother is narcissistic and I was horrendously abused as a child teen and young adult emotionally financially and physically. One sibling golden child other just a bystander / tool when needed . Mother and sister managed to maintain a perfect public image to this day so I don’t see wider family / family friends.

When I got out I was just very low contact. So I basically send texts on special occasions or other rare times (so maybe 3/4 times a year)

I had text my mother last week as it was her 75mg birthday. She never even bothers to send my dc birthday cards but I thought it’s her 75th it won’t hurt . I text ‘Happy Birthday hope you have a lovely day. Hope you’ve been well we are all good kids well and happy etc etc’

shes not the best with tech and i got a message back almost immediately with a screenshot saying ‘She’s sent this don’t worry I won’t reply just letting you know she sent it first I haven’t started it just like you said. She won’t be able to say or prove we had any kind of relationship / contact so don’t worry about that. I won’t mention the kids as I know yours are the priority. Will keep you updated xxxx’
its not that I’m hurt I’m just pissed off and can’t understand why they act like this !

And why the comment about proving any kind of relationship??! I don’t want to do that makes no sense

Just frustrated that they carry this on

Send one back saying you’re taking this to a solicitor. It’s very clear she’s being financially manipulated by your sister and don’t worry you’ll sort it out for your dearest mum. You’ve long suspected your sister is manipulating your mum for financial gain. Ask your mum if she wants you to involve the police for her own safety.

Then sit back and imagine the stress it will cause

You could send the screenshot to family members and say something like, ‘I’m really worried about mum. I think she’s very vulnerable and GoldenSis is controlling and manipulating her. Look at this screenshot. It came from mum’s phone yesterday afternoon. I suspect GoldenSis is trying to become the sole inheritor of mum’s estate and is coercing her into doing what she wants. Do you think I should talk to social services?’

I’m in the same situation with my family, your first post gave me a knot in my stomach because I can imagine my mother doing something like that.
I’m NC with mine. They send nasty messages from time to time and from the messages I think golden child is in charge now too. I think that comes about because the abusive parent knows that if they upset the golden child then the golden child might blow the whistle on their behaviour too. I spent my life walking on eggshells with my abusive parent, so I see karma in the fact that they now seem on eggshells around their favourite golden child. Reframing it that way helps a lot.

That’s a horrible message, I hope you’re ok? Sadly there is no test you need to take before being able to conceive that shows you’re a decent person.

i really do think you can’t ignore it. I would respond with your screenshot and simply play ignorant, say “I don’t understand this, can you help me to? Did you mean to send me something from someone?, what did you receive?”

nothing contentious , but let her know you’ve a copy and play dumb like you think it was for you.

😂
Is the only appropriate reaction

Not a great thing for me to say but relevant.

Remember the ‘golden child’ will be under pressure to provide increased amounts of care as the parent ages. If they don't provide care they may watch their much prized inheritance dwindle to very little.

This is so mean 😓 i am so sorry is probably something to do with inheritance .
I have two kids Cant imagine treating one kid different than the other

That's awful

Their behaviour is so embarrassing

imagine behaving this way

What horrible people. OP - rise above them all. No good can come from any contact

I wonder if they're shifting money around to avoid the risk of Care Home fees using it all up.
This can backfire.

OP that is horrible.
Definitely cut them both out of your life, they clearly don't care for you or your children at all, so why would you continue to allow them to take up space in your head?

You never know, your Mum might end up needing State care if she ends up in a nursing/care home and the inheritance might all be sucked up by that anyway.

That would be a shame for your Sister wouldn't it? After putting in all that effort........

I would send back your screenshot with "Cheers for the heads up, Mother".
Then probably block.

The thing that sticks out to me is the fact she actually said that she wouldn't mention the kids as your sisters are the priority! Wow what a bitch
What kind of grandmother would be so nasty to her own grandchildren?

I wonder how your mum would feel now you have evidence to show your children how little she cares for them. What have they done to deserve her leaving everything to your sister and her kids?

Well clearly you need to go NC with this toxic dump of a family.
if you want a bit of fun You could send a message saying you have engaged a solicitor as they are clearly manipulating your mother to cut you out of the will. Then go no contact knowing that they will be going nuts.

PLEASE send it back to her, saying "Not sure what this message is that you sent me?" - just imagining the squirming would be SO worth it!

Oh OP, this is truly despicable from them🌸 I also suspect your sister is also manipulating your narc mother as your mother wrote 'as you said'.... they are doing each other's bidding and are as bad as each other!

I have narc fam and if I was sent something like that, I'd reply with screenshot and a message saying, 'Thanks for that, now I've got all the proof I need, have a nice life.' and then never ever contact them again.
Their little paranoid brains will do somersaults at that and you can feel guilt-free to live your life more happily.

I would show it to family members - not because you care or want the inheritance, but because it reads like your mum is being coerced/ controlled

You get to be the bigger person and give golden child a hard time

I would likely report to SS, because it genuinely does sound like financial abuse or coercion. That deserves to be investigated in its own right.

And then I’d block and go NC. It’s so toxic, I wouldn’t want a part in that relationship anyway.

That’s really shit. I thought it was going to be something similar to the phone call I overheard between my mum and sister where it was all terms of endearment and oozing with toxic positivity - just so performative! But yours is much worse, or perhaps much better as you no longer need to doubt your role in their lives or what you have to do.

Do three or four texts a year on "special occasions" count as contact?

I would say nothing and let them stew (also do that just in case your mum did actually do it deliberately to stir). Anything at all that you respond will be twisted to be a sign that you are the problem, not least because it might look like you're responding/sharing the image because you actually are annoyed about not getting an inheritance.

Having said that - as and when your mum starts to worry about her own care needs, and whether she can really trust her golden child to step up and properly do that (because god knows she knows the gc is selfish), I wonder if you might find yourself "forgiven"? Then you might be bad mouthed in the family even more if you don't rush back to help her. Another reason to go NC but perhaps hold on to the screenshot to share privately at some point if you feel that's happening.

That’s so awful @Narcfamilies
l didn’t bother wishing my NM a happy birthday this year (also 75). So she complained to my DD. Then my brother, the Golden Child who was not here when the fall out happened and has only heard NM‘s side of things told my DD that he hadn’t replied to me on purpose.
My poor DD is in the middle of it all, they are her only grandparents. She wasn’t there either and I’m not going to sit and bitch about what happened as it was between me, NM and my dad.
I have subsequently blocked all of them, left all family groups. Life is much calmer not thinking about them.

@diddl it's 4 more than no contact, so yes. She has said it's low contact, but that she acknowledges their special days.