Hello again, this thread was from October/early Nov last year. I was really grateful for all the replies, which have stayed with me. I wanted to give an update.
Just to recap what happened late last year:
My husband and I had recently moved into a new house. My parents were going to do a 7 hour drive to come and see us. They were also going to do some DIY jobs in the house. I wanted them to come for 3 whole days (Thurs eve to Mon morning), so that I could see them for longer. I was going to take annual leave on the Friday to be with them, and by husband could have gone into the office or worked from home in his study. My husband refused to allow 4 nights, and when I offered them Thurs-Mon anyway, my husband said that weekend wouldn't in fact work at all, due to him having a stressful work event the following week, and he emailed them to cancel it.
Then:
On the weekend that my parents would have come, my husband did indeed have a few days away with his colleagues the following week, which he was a bit stressed about, but not overly so. His job is quite high-pressure and he worries about it sometimes. He didn't have to do any prep for the weekend, but wanted head-space.
He agreed to go up and see my parents for a weekend just before Christmas, and that went OK.
In early Jan, I wanted to fix a new date for my parents to visit. I checked with him that two weekends in Jan would suit him, and offered those as options to my parents. They asked if we could possibly do later weekend instead, because that would be a bit more convenient for them. When I went back to my husband to check, his reaction was, I thought, very unreasonable. He was adamant that no, they must come on one of those Jan weekends, and I couldn't offer them any weekend in Feb because it didn't suit him (his reasons were vague). He seemed annoyed that they'd asked for an alternative weekend, as if they were acting entitled. He eventually agreed to one of the weekends that suited my parents better, after a fair amount of negotiating and arguing. (Now that we're halfway through Feb, I know that his reasons were non-existent because he is not busy).
My parents did their 7 hour drive down for the weekend recently. They decided to only stay from Friday afternoon till Monday morning this time (I think they wanted to tread carefully and not overstay their welcome, due to my husband's previous behaviour - though I'd told them they could come for 4 nights). They were amazing and spent the whole time doing jobs (putting up curtains and shelves, mending things, sorting the garden). They were exhausted at the end and I had had hardly any time to show them around the area or do any fun activities. My husband was friendly to them, and was very grateful for all their help (he gave them a thank-you present). My parents think he was charming and kind during their visit.
After they had gone, I said to my husband that I thought his refusal to let them stay for an extra day was completely unreasonable. I said he had seen how tired they were, and how I didn't have time to do much other than house jobs with them. I also repeated that his reluctance to be flexible on the weekend they could visit was baffling and unreasonable.
But he was not sorry at all, and repeated that 2 full days 'was enough' (even though he could go into work/do other things when they're here).
I feel like these events have cast a shadow over everything. I can't get over it. Is that understandable?