Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

[Martacus]

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

There is absolutely no way I would stay with a man who behaved like this. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Extremely controlling behaviour.

Get out now what a nasty person! My OH would literally never do this!

He’s basically said to himself “right she has gone against my command so now I’m going behind her back and shutting this down completely”.

what an absolute loser. Get rid.

How dare he!! Who does he think he is cancelling your parents!! Tell them to ignore him and come on, though I imagine that could be uncomfortable for them. You can’t just let him get away with this though. He has no right to do this, it’s your parents. I’m enraged for you.

Find your anger. Your husband is a bully. He will not change. You need to leave him. I bet you would see your parents much more often if it was all your choice - you really don't seem to see them much. My parents would be very hurt if I saw them so little - you will look back when they are no longer around and regret it.

Wow, and you let them cancel their plans. I'm sorry but yabu for letting that happen. Just have them anyway and screw him.

How did I let them?? My husband emailed them without me knowing he was doing it, despite me asking him not to (when he had threatened to earlier in the day)

You really need to kick him out of your house.

How did I let them?? My husband emailed them without me knowing he was doing it, despite me asking him not to (when he had threatened to earlier in the day)

You let him by the fact you're still with him

He doesn’t respect you OP. Sorry that you need to hear a hard thing. He is centring himself - what else do you compromise on.

wtf. Dump his miserable controlling arse.

This is unbelievable.
You need a divorce.

@Martacus

I'm sure you can see this man has no respect for you, nor your parents who have been so generous to you both financially. The very fact that he's living in such a good house is mainly because of your parents' generosity, to whom he's being so rude.

I'm hoping you are seeing him in a new light and reassessing whether someone like this, so controlling and uncaring is someone you want to continue with, or have children with. (Actually be careful about having children with him, as he'll use them to control you, lifelong, even further.)

Do consider spending the Christmas period with your parents (just you alone - let him make his own plans) and do your research to "get your ducks in a row" so you can see how you can progress your life without him in it. 🌹

Have you spoken to your parents about this? You need to chat to someone in real life.

This man thinks he's your owner.

If you have children with him you'll be tied to him for life. Don't.

Plan an exit from him. Do it now while your marriage is short. Allowing it to go on could complicate the divorce.

From your op

haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

Would those reasons be anything to do with your husband?

This is not OK.

Your husband is not your boss.

Tell your parents to come anyway and then you can go back home with them in their car and leave the bastard.

OP - no weekend will be good for him, he is just pacifying you. The next weekend you choose, he'll pick another issue that gets in the way.

You've had some good advice on this thread, please take it.

Your husband's behaviour is unacceptable and totally contrary to a loving marriage.

It's a short marriage. Leave him now.

As it will get worse.
And you will NEVER change him.

Why did you start this thread OP? You don't seem to engage with any of the suggestions, advice etc.

Instead you're just digging yourself in, describing your situation but with no evident wish to change anything, instead hoping your husband will change. Have you got a plan?

It's a waste of everyone's time to keep posting without saying what you actually want to do or if you're prepared to do anything.
I'm assuming your posts are genuine.

It comes down to a values thing - how he values you as a partner and what value he places on family. I personally would be resentful and repulsed by anyone who objected to my parents coming to stay and who thought that their work should impact everyone around them. I couldn’t live with this.

Your parents can stay in a nearby premier Inn and visit during the day surely? Visiting family in December (or March for the end of financial year) is tricky as it's such a busy time Whether your husband is unreasonable or not is up to you but there are other options instead of them staying at your house and still let you see them and have meals together. Also if your parents are travelling 7hours would they want to go to the theatre on the Thursday? Surely they'd want to eat and then crash at their hotel/yours.

This will keep happening if you let him do this.

You need to rearrange it right away, tell him the dates of the weekend before or after the original one.

Get him to explicitly agree and then invite them.

In this instance I actually wouldnt bring up the Thursday arrival thing again (as he might email them again), he already knows you planned to call them for 3 days and what exactly can he do about it once they’ve arrived

Your h is completely out of order. No wonder you're embarrassed. I bet that if your parents rearranged, he'd find fault with that weekend too.

He's a controlling nightmare who doesn't respect you or take your wishes into account.

Tell your patents. Ask for their help.

@Martacus

put your foot down op

tell him it is happening and if he doesn’t like it he can fuck off

the tell your parents there’s been a misunderstanding and they absolutely can come that weekend as planned

if you let this go, you’re really doing yourself a disservice

I dont think that he should have done it. However, he had told you that he doesnt want your parents to say for three days and you ignored him. Frankly Thurs to Monday is not three days. It's a very long time, especially if you partner is not keen. I think most people on MN wouldnt be happy if their MIL or PIL insisted on coming for that long and then the go behind the wife's back to arrange it.