Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

[Martacus]

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

This man is not a loving partner. Is he controlling in other ways?

Oh I’m so sorry. Does he discourage all of your friends? What about when you go out?

can you work remotely? if so, can you go and stay with your parents for a week and work and do some thinking as well? he is being totally unreasonable to a concerning level, this is controlling behaviour.

He isn’t your partner or equal he thinks he is the boss !! He needs a lot of humility especially to the people who helped put a roof over his head!!
You seem far to laid back about this or he has already crushed your spirit

This isn’t the actions of a caring equal marriage

OP why are you ignoring all of the replies correctly pointing out how this is controlling & coercive behaviour? Ignoring it doesn't make it any less true. You need to leave him. This isn't love

You need to get out of this awful relationship.

Open mouthed here.

How fucking DARE HE!!!

LTB

Is your partner normally so controlling?

I can't believe he has only seen your parents once this year on one day, you aren't seeing them at Christmas, they haven't even seen your new home, he won't let them come for more than two nights and he has cancelled their plans. I would be so hurt if I was them. He is making it pretty clear he doesn't want to see them/doesn't like them, but was happy to take their money and free accommodation. He sounds like a grabby user. Ugh. How often do you see his parents OP?

THIS!

You haven't engaged with any of those responses.

Seriously, people can see what's going on in this relationship and it's not good.

Why have you just capitulated to him? This is not a loving, caring relationship.

He was always going to find a reason to sabotage this visit. He breadcrumbs you... when you oush back Reay hard he gives a tiny bit so you think you have won a victory, but then he promptly continues his controlling behaviour that will ultimately isolate and destroy you.

Go to YOUR parents for the three days and tell them everything. This man actually scares me quite a lot..

Divorce him before your parents die, at which point he will get his dirty mitts on the rest of their money.

Your husband is a controlling cunt.

Not sure I’d get passed this shit.

It's going to be interesting to watch how all those work commitments melt away when you actually reach the weekend in question.

You seriously need a conversation with your husband about why he's such an arsehole about this essentially trivial issue. Also about what he is going to do to behave like a reasonable human being going forward, if he wants his marriage to continue.

Wow. That's so bang out of order. I'm genuinely shocked.

Your husband is controlling. Email your parents saying "sorry to mess you around but that weekend is OK again.' Don't say anrhing to your husband until your parents arrive. If you allow this deliberate act of sabotage you will be sending your husband the message that you are his to control as he wills.

It's pretty clear, there will be no convenient weekend for your husband to entertain your parents.

Also you are an appalling daughter.

Another here who thinks this is really problematic. Didn’t your H pick a fight with your dad over your wedding also? If this weekend didn’t work, why didn’t he suggests weekends that would? But he didn’t do that, did he? I think there’s something about how he behaves in the home that he doesn’t want others to see. That’s why he’s happy for you to socialise outside the home but not in it. I don’t think this is a man to share a future with. He’s problematic.

I would be furious with him for doing that. What a selfish arsehole.

My husband hates having anyone to stay, but anytime I've wanted family to stay he's always gone with the flow even when being uncomfortable with it.

Your husband is a bully

The only Dh of my friends that was like this about perfectly reasonable visits from her friends or family left her for another woman and is now actively trying to destroy her. They are on their 4th court hearing in their divorce. Run a bloody mile.

There will never be a convenient weekend. There will always be a reason why you can't have your parents stay with you.

What happens when you want to see your friends? Or do you just not bother because it's too much hassle from him?

He sounds like a controlling nightmare- I remember your other thread, secretive over money, promising "not to shout".

More red flags here than at a bunting convention OP. Time to think very carefully about the rest of your life.

Op I hope he isn't getting to dictate what you are doing at Christmas?

You really do need to be very careful about what happens in your relationship. We can all see the red flags, your parents probably see it to.
What about your friends what are they seeing?
Do you have people to talk to in real life?

Op you knew it wasn't reasonable before you posted. He's now cancelled them completely. Which is beyond unreasonable. There must be other things making you question your relationship.

Seek help.

That is out of order, they are your parents and it is your house too. He has no right to do that. No ones work should ever have an impact on family life. Can he not go into an office, to do his work. He is totally out of order.

if my ‘d’h did this he’d be apologising to my parents, inviting them with grace and warmth to that weekend, and then making sure they had the BEST visit or I’d be leaving him. What an absolute tosser. Controlling so and so.

If mine did it he’d be shown the door. Are you really going to tolerate this @Martacus?