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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

616 replies

Martacus · 29/10/2023 22:53

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

OP posts:
MaxTalk · 02/11/2023 16:58

We all have a more positive view of our parents than other may.

I hugely dislike my MIL - my partner does not understand why and thinks she is lovely. Despite me explaining on a number of occasions what the issue is, they are unwilling to see the problem.

billy1966 · 02/11/2023 17:34

Martacus · 01/11/2023 19:08

That does sound tricky @MrsZargon but I don't think that my situation is too similar. My parents are very sensitive about not seeming to 'take over'. Your in-laws visited 'all the time', you say, but my husband has only seen my mum once this year, for a day (at a family wedding), and we're not seeing them this Christmas.

Your parents sound so lovely.

God help them knowing the character of that nasty loser you married and how he must be treating you.

They no doubt have the measure of him, holding their precious daughter hostage having moved her 7 hours away.

Tell them the truth and get the hell away from him.

The house can be sorted, via good legal advice.

My lovely BIL died very suddenly a couple of years ago.

I remember so clearly his last wedding speech.

He spoke about his wonderful child and his own life and the many achievements and successes both he and his wife enjoyed in their great careers.

He really moved me when he said without a doubt the single greatest joy in his life and that of his lovely wife, was the joy they both got from knowing that each of their wonderful children had married truly wonderful partners.

The comfort it brought them was so wonderful in later life.

I often think of his speech when I think of him, it was so eloquent and moving as he wasn't an emotional man.

Tell your parents what they already know and get away from him.

Pinkypup · 03/11/2023 08:12

Tell him they’re coming and that’s it. If he has a problem HE can tell them why.

Rosesarecolourful · 03/11/2023 09:14

It's out of order to say the least, what's an extra day? It not like they're staying for a whole month or even a week!
He needs to respect its your house too and why is it such a problem to him?
I would let him get annoyed and if it means you have an argument so be it! Put your foot down OP.

MrsZargon · 03/11/2023 09:17

I’m with you on this! Yes I might find my in-laws hard work, annoying whatever, but they are my DH’s (the person I love more than anything and have chosen to spend the rest of my life with) parents! Anyone who cannot be slightly put out for a few days to enable their loved one to spend time with his/her parents should be ashamed of themselves!!

jlpth · 03/11/2023 09:22

has he got some sort of anxiety or ocd or asd that makes it hard for him to tolerate people in his home?

if not, he is being quite controlling and I would think twice about having kids with him

the phrase if you bring it up again I’ll be annoyed is nonsensical. It doesn’t give any actual reason for not wanting them and it is just so arrogant and/or threatening. If my husband said he’ll be annoyed with me bringing something up, then I’d say well go ahead and get annoyed with your tantrum because we need to discuss the practicalities of this situation. I wouldn’t just slink off and not say anything.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/11/2023 10:51

Has ANYONE actually voted YABU OP?

if they have, why?!

Original poster
Martacus · 03/11/2023 13:16

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/11/2023 10:51

Has ANYONE actually voted YABU OP?

if they have, why?!

Hi@LuckySantangelo35 , @BeavisMcTavish basically did.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 03/11/2023 13:24

Martacus · 03/11/2023 13:16

Hi@LuckySantangelo35 , @BeavisMcTavish basically did.

Show quote history

@BeavisMcTavish

why?! Are you OP’s husband?

BeavisMcTavish · 03/11/2023 13:47

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/11/2023 13:24

@BeavisMcTavish

why?! Are you OP’s husband?

Show quote history

😂 no. I did pretty much at post one. As usually lots of drip in after about history etc.

i fully stand by that NEITHER party get to dictate long term visitors to the shared space.

all those saying ‘do what you please and TELL him’ need to check themselves.

if I were the OP I’d be long moved out, but no one gets to ‘tell’ the other anything.

reverse the roles then check your advice - the only option should be to leave the arsehole.

Absolutelymassesofcourgettes · 03/11/2023 17:07

OP have you uncovered from him yet the actual reason WHY he's taken such an unreasonable position??
This seems to be important information missing from your posts!

Nazzywish · 03/11/2023 17:32

OP he's being an absolute brat. They paid towards this house of yours and he doesn't think and extra few hours are reasonable.cheeky git

Luxell934 · 03/11/2023 17:39

From this posts and your previous posts about him I think you KNOW something isn't right in your relationship. I'd think long and hard before having children with this man.

Pinkypup · 03/11/2023 18:12

I meant to quote text so posted again

Pinkypup · 03/11/2023 18:13

BeavisMcTavish · 03/11/2023 13:47

😂 no. I did pretty much at post one. As usually lots of drip in after about history etc.

i fully stand by that NEITHER party get to dictate long term visitors to the shared space.

all those saying ‘do what you please and TELL him’ need to check themselves.

if I were the OP I’d be long moved out, but no one gets to ‘tell’ the other anything.

reverse the roles then check your advice - the only option should be to leave the arsehole.

Show quote history

No, if my husband said my parents can not come to my house for an extra day, I would be telling him that it’s happening.
Having lost my father it’s so much more poignant to spend as much time with my mother as possible, even if she drives us both batty! If she had a 7 hour journey and I’d barely seen her all year she’d be staying a week.

Stomacharmeleon · 03/11/2023 18:55

@BeavisMcTavish I just think either way, in laws or parents, if it matters to the person you love it should matter to you.

NearlyMonday · 03/11/2023 22:27

Stomacharmeleon · 03/11/2023 18:55

@BeavisMcTavish I just think either way, in laws or parents, if it matters to the person you love it should matter to you.

But if two people who love each other have opposing views, your advice is pretty useless!

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/11/2023 22:33

BeavisMcTavish · 03/11/2023 13:47

😂 no. I did pretty much at post one. As usually lots of drip in after about history etc.

i fully stand by that NEITHER party get to dictate long term visitors to the shared space.

all those saying ‘do what you please and TELL him’ need to check themselves.

if I were the OP I’d be long moved out, but no one gets to ‘tell’ the other anything.

reverse the roles then check your advice - the only option should be to leave the arsehole.

Show quote history

@BeavisMcTavish

”long term visitors”? long term?? She wants her parents to come for four days!!

Original poster
Martacus · 03/11/2023 23:01

Thanks @LuckySantangelo35 . It's actually three days really (Thursday evening to Monday early morning).

OP posts:
Original poster
Martacus · 03/11/2023 23:10

Hi @jlpth no he doesn't have anxiety or ocd and he's not autistic.

Hi @Absolutelymassesofcourgettes , no I haven't yet uncovered why he takes this position. His reason is that 'three full days is too much' and 2 days is enough.

OP posts:
Banana1979 · 03/11/2023 23:20

Oh yuk OP I’d have dumped him the minute he confronted your dad after living rent free for a year and taking his money
why have you married and why are you staying with such a prick

Banana1979 · 03/11/2023 23:24

billy1966 · 02/11/2023 17:34

Your parents sound so lovely.

God help them knowing the character of that nasty loser you married and how he must be treating you.

They no doubt have the measure of him, holding their precious daughter hostage having moved her 7 hours away.

Tell them the truth and get the hell away from him.

The house can be sorted, via good legal advice.

My lovely BIL died very suddenly a couple of years ago.

I remember so clearly his last wedding speech.

He spoke about his wonderful child and his own life and the many achievements and successes both he and his wife enjoyed in their great careers.

He really moved me when he said without a doubt the single greatest joy in his life and that of his lovely wife, was the joy they both got from knowing that each of their wonderful children had married truly wonderful partners.

The comfort it brought them was so wonderful in later life.

I often think of his speech when I think of him, it was so eloquent and moving as he wasn't an emotional man.

Tell your parents what they already know and get away from him.

Show quote history

This

HeadacheEarthquake · 03/11/2023 23:37

Op have you told him yet that they are staying for your preferred time,??

BeavisMcTavish · 04/11/2023 06:27

betterangels · 02/11/2023 16:52

He,sounds a twat, so you should probably leave. However, I wouldn't be keen to have in-laws in my home for that long. Difference is I wouldn't have stayed with them either. So he's unreasonable for that.

Literally this is all I’ve said.

Let’s swap long term for overnight so we can stop splitting hairs for the sake of an argument - neither party is the decision god EVER in a healthy relationship. I would dream of ‘telling’ my wife I was having a guest (doesn’t matter who) over for 1 night.

It’s when one person feels they are or needs to be that there’s a problem, and it is never solved by seeing who has the biggest ‘I’m doing it no matter what you say’ metaphorical balls.

As I’ve said twice already - the blokes a knob, time you left.

Hallmark1234 · 04/11/2023 06:45

Why does he get to have the final say in this, when you should be an equal partnership?

He's displaying awful controlling behaviour OP, which will only get worse over time if he gets away with laying the law down and you giving in.

Seems like he was happy to accept money and free accommodation from your parents, but I wonder if he got annoyed with your DF suggested wedding venues, because he now wants to exert control over them, maybe as he feels some kind of resentment toward their generosity. Some people can be strange like that.