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Original poster

Worst mother in law comments...go on join me in my misery lol!

459 replies

Flutterby10 · 28/10/2023 16:50

Go on tell me the worst things said to you by a mother in law?

Not saying they all bad btw I’ve had a couple of nice ones previously when younger.

Ive had pretty a pretty bad week with mine but I’ve decided I’m over it all now!

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 29/10/2023 08:23

Omfg !!! I sometimes think mums are worse than mother in laws 😢😢

Giggorata · 29/10/2023 08:27

After years of no contact with our DC (their choice) following my divorce from their DS, DS1 visited his (very well off) paternal grandparents.
He was basically told to his face that he had unexpectedly turned out well, socially acceptable, etc, and now that they had met him again, he would be reinstated in their will.

GettingSickOfYourNonsense · 29/10/2023 08:37

Even more from my MIL -

"He's an alcoholic" about my son who was 19 and had been drunk a few times
"Is he queer?" about my other son, because at the age of 20, he hadn't had a serious girlfriend
*You're very broad, just like a man"
"I never thought you'd last this long" (We'd been married about 30 years then)

All said to me in my own home, and my husband didn't bat an eyelid.

828Pax · 29/10/2023 08:41

Mil after meeting my mum -
"wow, god knows how you are related, your mum is so tiny and you are so large!"

on announcing our baby was a little girl -
"well let's hope the other one is a boy'"
(SIL was pregnant at the same time, Mil was so disappointed we were expecting a girl)

"You always look like a chav"
because I wore leggings during pregnancy for comfort

TheaBrandt · 29/10/2023 08:42

omg these are outrageous!

Mil also comments on what our teen dds eat. “Ooh are you going to eat all that?! Such a lot of food for a young girl” tinkly laugh.

She did it again at Christmas and dd2 aged 14 said “are you trying to fat shame me granny?”. Normally am firm on teen politeness to adults but she flipping asked for that!

Sugargliderwombat · 29/10/2023 08:44

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 28/10/2023 23:07

Touching her feet?!?! Hmm Eeeew. I'm not surprised she shooed you away, That's revolting

Show quote history

Pretty sure this is part of a cultural tradition....as the OP says.

Original poster
Flutterby10 · 29/10/2023 08:53

Mine were also devastated that I was having a girl as they only have granddaughters. The dad said for me to keep going.... umm no thank you, I’m 40 and im done.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 29/10/2023 08:56

Theabrandt....well done to your daughter!! 💕

828Pax · 29/10/2023 08:57

Honestly!! I'm so glad you started this post, at least we all know that we aren't alone 😂

MyNewGenericUsername · 29/10/2023 08:58

MIL and I generally get on OK, she has helped out in several ways and I hope she feels like we'd always be there for her if she needs us BUT she clearly doesn't like me very much and it's obvious I'm not good enough for her darling DS.

One particularly cutting comment made me realise how little she actually thinks of me deep down. I'd been following DH around the country to help him build up his niche career, raising our kids, supplementing our family income with the only jobs I could find in remote locations, then I had to have some time off because I became so poorly I could have died. DH was saying (really randomly) that he wanted to retrain for a career that provides about half the income his current career does (at the time he was the sole earner). I pointed out our family wouldn't survive on that income and she said "well maybe you could go to work and actually support him for once so he can follow his dreams".

There's a lot more, but that really hurt.

Gloriously · 29/10/2023 09:22

Mine once literally flung some of her paperwork at me and said “This will give you something to do” - whilst I was working FT at senior level in a large blue chip organisation juggling 4 school age children. She had never worked a day since her marriage.

The saddest part was that I took all this shit - ran around after her and tapped danced to her tune for decades trying to win her approval.

Teaandbiscuits60 · 29/10/2023 09:24

Mine made an ‘aside’ dh didn’t hear. I’ve grown out my grey and like it but she muttered at me , apropos of nothing I might add, and just randomly ‘ You’ll just have to accept it… you’re just not that pretty!’. I was 60 at the time about three years ago. I just ignored it but it was a horrible comment. Fortunately, my self worth is not tied to my looks. This is the woman who left her kids when they were under 5 ( 4 of them) for their father to raise.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 29/10/2023 09:26

Gloriously · 29/10/2023 09:22

Mine once literally flung some of her paperwork at me and said “This will give you something to do” - whilst I was working FT at senior level in a large blue chip organisation juggling 4 school age children. She had never worked a day since her marriage.

The saddest part was that I took all this shit - ran around after her and tapped danced to her tune for decades trying to win her approval.

Why?

I'm not being facetious. What made you feel you needed her approval?

Gloriously · 29/10/2023 09:33

@SurprisedWithAHorse to create a happy family - I was only 16 when I started dating - a child really and that deference and power dynamic continued.

I was brought up to ‘be nice’ ‘be kind’ and take responsibility for being the peacemaker. Family values and all that.

I know this is wrong now - but I wish my DM and others around had taken me aside and said she is a wrong ‘un - you don’t need to appease her. She was a delusional grandiose alcoholic without a friend in the world - shocking grotesque pantomime behaviour which I only woke up to in my 40s and detached.

icanlovemebetter · 29/10/2023 09:37

@PabloandGustheGreySquirrels it's a Hindu tradition where younger generations touch the feet of their parents/ elders as respect and for blessing. Look it up hun!

pepperaunt · 29/10/2023 10:05

The first words out of MIL’s mouth when I told her I was pregnant? “Don’t gain too much weight”.

Elmer83 · 29/10/2023 10:20

When i’d been with my DH for about year (over 20 years ago) she said “Oh he always goes for girls like you…heavy makeup and tarty clothes” 😂 I was just a normal 20 year old enjoying fashion! But it was a dig as if to say “you won’t be the last”

Mum2Marg · 29/10/2023 10:26

This sound awful. Could you elaborate? Was this the first time she had met you? Hadn’t your partner informed her that he was in a relationship with a person of mixed heritage? Do you have children? What happened after you laughed. Sorry for all of the questions but you sound so blasé about it!

Mum2Marg · 29/10/2023 10:35

@graceinspace999 This sound awful. Could you elaborate? Was this the first time she had met you? Hadn’t your partner informed her that he was in a relationship with a person of mixed heritage? Do you have children? What happened after you laughed. Sorry for all of the questions but you sound so blasé about it!

milkywinterdisorder · 29/10/2023 10:45

Flutterby10 · 29/10/2023 07:35

I also think it’s different as the MIL is already a part of the family. The DIL is joining an already formed family and it’s awful to not be made part of it.

Yes, exactly this. There‘s an obvious power imbalance that means a DIL is always at a disadvantage.

NalafromtheLionKing · 29/10/2023 11:48

Some of these make my MIL sound quite tame.

We just had the usual pass-agg stuff like rejecting gifts from me and giving me incredibly ugly and cheap clothes a size or two too big. For years my DH and DC were lavished with Christmas gifts while I always got a cheap and nasty little afterthought (unlike her own DD of course, who was treated like a princess). We have now all been downgraded because we don’t bother with her and FIL much and I just get them a token gift for Christmas, birthdays and mother’s/father’s day (DH has literally not bought either of them one gift in the 20 years we have been together).

We stopped visiting them (different country) after we overheard MIL on the phone to her DD saying what a pain we were. DH and eldest DC were still welcome to visit as long as younger DC and I stayed at home 🤣Uncharacteristically, she did actually reach into her pocket to give us admission into a local attraction just to get rid of us and we spent around 9 hours out with two tiny DC just because it was so awkward to go back to their house. Both DCs’ birthdays were coming up in the few months after that and she actually decided that the entry fee was both of their birthday presents and didn’t get them anything!!

Honeychickpea · 29/10/2023 12:06

milkywinterdisorder · 29/10/2023 10:45

Yes, exactly this. There‘s an obvious power imbalance that means a DIL is always at a disadvantage.

Show quote history

Mumsnet is obsessed with power imbalances. In my experience they only exist if you allow them to exist.

Gloriously · 29/10/2023 12:14

@Honeychickpea or if others choose to oppress?

Voodoochile · 29/10/2023 12:36

It was the grandparents in law for me. I am a non observant Jew, DH is a lapsed catholic so religion was a nonissue and we got married in a registry office. His grandfather took him on one side and had a very sincere conversation about bringing bad blood and a Christ killer into the family and that an annulment was still possible. At our wedding reception and in ringing tones that every guest heard.

I was always a lot more career focused that DH so he went part time when I went back to work after DS1. My job was very senior and needed a fair bit of travel and I could only do it because of DH, but it was also extremely well paid and gave all of us a wonderful lifestyle and a lot of security. DH and I were a team and it worked very well when DS was small. GFIL used to tell everyone that it was unnatural, that I was not a proper woman, that DH was being forced into subservience by a harpy, that I had stolen a job from a man, that I was probably using business travel to cover my extra marital affairs, etc. My job was also sufficiently high profile that I was on TV occasionally which horrified GFIL as I was flaunting and whoring myself. I was being interviewed on Bloomberg while dressed in a business suit!

My PILs are utterly delightful in every possible way but it is no coincidence that they live in a different country to GFIL. My MIL was way smarter than me!

milkywinterdisorder · 29/10/2023 12:46

@Honeychickpea That’s what my DH says as well: it’s not his family’s fault that I don’t feel welcome, it’s my fault for not acting like part of the family. So when they all arrange to have a family meet up on a day I can’t make and they say “oh well no-one said she had to come”, that’s me excluding myself. Or something.